“Here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.”

Sometimes fewer antics are needed.

“Is she dating G[]? Because, trust me, that would be a bad idea.”
<realizes the implications of what was just said>
“No, it's just, one time we were both drunk...”
<realizes the implications of what was just said>
Just stop right now. This story's not going to get better.

Inept.

“<looks over> Google it.”

“Please me / Please me / Stop at the store…”

And as I'm waiting there, I realize that I'd really like to make enchiladas. So I ditch her and do so.

“…Call me, text me, answer the phone / And make it…”

A bin of toothpaste boxes sat halfway down the candy aisle, like a postsecret whose caption would read, “I realize I don’t belong here. / (But then I wonder that maybe it’s here which doesn’t belong.)”

“…Shut up…”

“Held captive by orcs in Barad-Dur. Have been forced to watch “Flipper” over and over until give in and tell them where Ring is. Damn evil methods of torture refined over millennia. Will not give in. Will remain strong.”

Epic epic movie watching.

“Orcs have switched to repeat viewings of “The Faculty.” Cannot cope. Have told them where Ring is.”

Day 1
Human gets Fish
Human gets Mouse
Fish notices Cat
Cat notices Mouse
Cat tries to get Mouse
Cat falls down
Cat throws up
Human cleans up

In a previous Away Message I realized that I needed to have taken more classes with L[].
I didn’t realize that L[] also needed to have taken more classes with me.

Current standings
1) Fish
2) Mouse
3) Human
4) Cat

Cleaning things up.

LittleD[]’s little sister has assignment for BigD[] filed under things D[] wants to do but needs nudging from LittleL[]: buy a mango or avocado, enjoy.
BigL[]’s big brother was going to give some graduatorial words of wisdom to Big and LittleL[]s, but didn’t get time, but he realizes they don’t need it.
Big and LittleL[]s are smiling, bigly and littlely.

Say the things you want me to say yourself.

A shot across the Beau.

“What was that?”
“Challenge to a shotgun.”
“Ah. <pause> Is that that important?”
“Yes.”

Lindell : Forest Park Parkway :: PeopleMover : Space Mountain

“College teaches you how to show why given things are true, but not how to show that things are true, or come up with new true things.”

“The countdown starts…”

Corollary Theorem
Everyone should have 2 rules for life.

“…4, 3, 2, 1…”

“Did you mean: List of fictional monkeys”

I feel like something is wrong with the Internet when something cannot be found with it.

“To days of inspiration / Playing hooky, making something out of nothing / The need to express / To communicate / To going against the grain / Going insane / Going mad / To loving…”

There’s something about open gates.

“…Sisters? / We’re close / Brothers!…”

We are the most awesome people ever.

“…In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately…”

Sometimes, following a difficult decision between 2 desired options, there’s a feeling of regret or relief that signals too unambiguously which was right and which was wrong.

“…La vie boheme…”

The cuter the crying organ, the greater the pain.

Quarters.

Woke up at 3am
Water switched off
My happy team on Cash Cab got the double-or-nothing question wrong.

This is not going to be a good day.

This is worse than Vaughn.

Getting to the meat of the matter.

This kind of investigative reporting actually restores my faith in journalism a little.

“I did that not too long ago by immediately playing MOTION as soon as I found it on my rack without realizing my seventh tile was an E.”
PIC FAIL

Customer Appreciation Day -> Employee Appreciation Day

I want to be able eat pizza without it being a political statement.