Classic declarations
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You better put out for this.
“So that’s how Cat gets so many people interested in declaring Classics.”

“I really hate Paris.”
“I know! Who would choose love over power?”
“Uh, that’s not what I meant.”

“That was Paris Hilton.”
“Really?”
You probably didn’t recognize her with her clothes on.

Paris Hilton is worth a mass.

“I’m a Plato addict.”
No need to apologize.

“So there’s this thing this guy makes on the Internet which I read, and that was very vague but now I’m going to get more specific.”

“I keep a livejournal but instead of writing it down, I just act it out real-time.”

“I want people to do to me the things I do to them. No wait-“

40% chance of needing to wear something over a white t-shirt.

“Look at this shirt; isn’t it you?”
It might be, except, well… you know that dishtowel you have?

“I used to go to a different sex shop but I kept on running into my parents there.”

I’m still on ‘Chelsea doesn’t like Bare Naked Ladies’.

"The best date I had was at DelTaco; it was drive-through."

That’s it? Inari’s just rice in a shell? That’s like- hold on- like going on a date with a girl and going back to your room with her afterwards and kissing her... on the hand.
And isn’t Inari a character on Firefly?

I’m just racking my brains trying to think of someone...
“Worse off, or that you can get with?”
Ouch. But point.

I don’t care about him anymore; I’m worried about how you’re reacting. Like, did you have a drunken 1-night hookup?
You know I don’t drink! <pause> Okay, that was really funny.

What do you call a drunk ninja? A pirate.

Seriously, Cat better put out.
“She promised?”
See, I have this habit of making slightly tasteless jokes. And I'm a pathological liar. I still don't understand why people believe me.