It would be wonderful if all zealotry could be addressed with the elegant simplicity of eBay.

“Q: THIS SELLER AND ALL BIDDERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR PARTAKING IN THIS UNHOLY AUCTION! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BLASPHEMY! ALL PRAISE ALLAH!!
A: Dude - you recently purchased a Sea Monkey doll using BuyItNow. The only thing that you should be praising are your parents for letting you live in their basement.”

[There’s certainly enough bizarre eBay listings.]