An edited single in the SI’s online half- no futile paper chase, but I did like:
For he who sees weddings as vile,
No lifelong commitment's worthwhile.
Depressed, he protests
In recess between guests:
No unmarried man is an *aisle*.

The media judge by poll standing
The skill which one has at commanding.
Thus the *approval* percent
At 69 meant
It was time for a fighter jet landing.

A slang-using man did await
An OED-phile, on a date:
He thought she was *aight*
With the plans for the night
But she'd gone off alone to an ait.

And the surrealistically awful:
A Harvard alumnus, cum laude,
Conked his head falling off of a dog sleigh.
He suffered *amnesia*
And thought that Rhodesia
Still hadn't been renamed Zimbabwe.