Starting a Tuesday at 12:05am really sets the tone for the rest of the day.

“…And we're gonna play it…”

“How was?”
I’ve had better; I’ve had worse.
“That describes all but 2.”

Should fall somewhere.

Somehow it has taken me over 95% of my college life to deliver extra large raw shrimp ordered to the library to be paid for by check or cash. And doing it feels somewhat normal.

Places spin around, people are thrown together. Clocks reset, times fly, hands spread, backs flip. Cards are dealt and on the table. Words rush out, incomprehensible symbols, lines etched in your memory that you’ve never heard before or since. Spread the poison around. The name sounds familiar; it’s like your own only you forgot it. The end is an echo of the beginning, and both are fast approaching from either side. Late to bed, early to rise: nothing to do but dance the night away with friends. There is a plan: there is no plan.

Through a haze of impossible madness a rhythm emerges.

“…Can’t stop raving / I can’t stop raving / I can’t…”

General excel strategy: vigorous rightclicking.

10-30 Rule
f(t) is constant for 10 < t < 30, where f(x) = the consequence of being x minutes late.

Tolkien : history :: Eco : semiotics

He’s the most A[]-like person I know who isn’t A[].
“But didn’t A[]…?”
Well, yes. But A[] is better at being A[] than G[] is.

One of these days I’ll remember why I’m bothering.

The kid has so little subtlety, he actually thinks he's subtle.

Not proud of this one.

A guy goes to a psychiatrist, and says, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies, "It's very simple… you're two tents."

“We welcome your submission and thank you for liking it.”

Libellous.

The basic metrical unit of sketchiness is the peter. However, for everyday purposes, one will be using smaller amounts, such as the millipeter or the centipeter.

“As you set out for Ithaka…”

You set out not for adventure; you had the adventure already; it was called the “Iliad”, and it was 10 years, and is more adventure than most will get ever. Your soul must have Laestrygonians and Cyclops so that when you finally go you can lie about who you are and where you’ve been and what took you so long; wild Poseidon must be invented so that the Muse has some wrath to sing of to justify your absence, dallying in wealth instead of hurrying to an Ithaca now as empty as the experiences you claim you had. Drop your burdening oar when it is finally unrecognized: no one understands except you, and you’re done.

“Odyssey” isn’t the story of a journey. “Odyssey” is the story of Odysseus, and Odysseus is a liar.

“Lumen qui ferimus.
Animos tibi damus.
Antiquum tuum tibi placet.
Hoc spes nostra docet.
Spectant te iuvenes.
O lumen semper des.
Fidem servabimus tibi…”

Eta Sigma Phi

“Is my cheeseburger causing global warming?”

Take another look: paper, papers, act, acts.

Come for the grammar, stay for the ridicule.

“Why would she do that?”
Pleasure; I’m assuming it wasn’t procreative.

There will be Vader.

“I’m finished.”

Every Friday is Good Friday at Fuddruckers. Especially with a beef taco salad and a vanilla shake.

(Suspicious of Whistlers, Presented by Fuddruckers, 8pm tonight, Gargoyle, free improv.)

This year I gave up giving things up for Lent for Lent.

1) The Orbit Gum Girl has a British accent
2) Keira Knightly has a British accent.
3) Keira Knightly is a 34B.
4) A[] is a 34B.
5) I dated A[].
Therefore: I have dated the Orbit Gum Girl QED
"You'd need less deduction if I were blonde."

Illogic is more powerful than logic; it does everything logic can do (for what is more illogical than illogic using logic?) as well as everything logic can’t do.

“But your illogic fails: Keira Knightley is *not* a 34B. She is definitely an A or AA. And I’m currently an 80E."