“Is this the right way?”
“Oh, no. It leads to the werewolf. But don’t worry, it eats only squirrels.”
You do need to worry about the weresquirrels though.

Jazz: jazz jazz jazz.

“Well, yeah, the weresquirrels eat people. But that’s why they rereleased the werewolf: ecosystem control.”

Snatch up treasure where it lay. 25 years, half a day.

Nothing to tear up over about.

“All that you fashion/all that you make...” (“Deviled Beef.”)
“All that you build/all that you break...” (“Please do not ever mention George Bush. And Winston Churchill in the same sentence, even if you must break all the rules of grammar to do so.”)
“All that you measure/all that you feel...” (I feel like how I feel you felt when you were telling me how you felt about how you felt.)
“All that you sense/all that you scheme...” (It smells like cologne… wow, with an aftersmell of cologne.)
“All you dress up/all that you've seen...” (Had gotten started watching.)
“All you create/all that you wreck...” (She’s indicated interest in doing things… wait that came out badly.)

“Walk on...” (They gave you stepcounters? Cool! What was the occasion?
“Taking away our health benefits; apparently if we take 8000 steps/day, we’re fine.”)

GhettoSchnucks is so... what’s the word for it?
“Real?”
Yes, that’s it! That Schnucks is real. As opposed to LadueSchnucks, which is surreal.

How was Pirates 2? In 3 words. No, don’t answer that. Just say whether it was good or bad. Actually, don’t say anything. I don’t want to know.

Cheered the fabulous.

Though you did text OMG.
Yeah. So in a word...
That’s 3 words.

“I’m a Mormon in the summer. Church of Not-going-to-make-a-big-deal-about-it.”

MD until Monday, to see some things again.

Reverting vertigo
Couched in plateau,
I make move you’ve awaited; though
Just how, I do not know.

Conservation of Food-Energy-Leftovers
Food is neither created nor destroyed, but is converted into energy or leftovers.

Freedom is not being able to do whatever you want. Freedom is not doing whatever you want. Freedom is not whatever you want. Freedom is walking into Domino's and walking out with 2 medium cheese pizzas without paying anything.

If you walk around in broad daylight carrying a knife, you are sketchy.
If you walk around in broad daylight carrying a rolling pin, you are sketchy.
If you walk around in broad daylight carrying a knife and a rolling pin, you are a cook.

“We can dance if we want to / We can leave your friends behind...”

One is allowed to be dramatic if it’s amusing.

That was the type of thing *I* would do. I can give no better compliment than that.

Beef Lo Mein Party: it’s like a Lamb Stew Party, but with beef lo mein instead of lamb stew. If you're reading this and in town, stop by (6617 Wash Ave. Apt 2N) sometime tonight.

(Meat and Greet 2)

Adulthood is not realizing you are not a child. Adulthood is staring into your best friend’s eyes and realizing that they aren’t.

To be an adult one must be both confident and pessimistic.

Pessimism is not believing the glass is half-empty. Pessimism is believing that one day the glass will be empty.

Poculum vacuandum at 1 AM. (So much for intelligence.)

Confidence is not knowing which moves will win nor which moves will lose nor which moves will stalemate. Confidence is knowing what the other player will do. The goals do not change; rather, the positions change, and with them, the way other players will react. Each move bares a new board for a response. Some moves will not be responded to, some will have reaction forced, some can be made only without a response, some require reciprocal action.

To be confident one must be both intelligent and mature.

Maturity is not knowing that one is mature; maturity is knowing that one has been immature. Maturity is the moment of selfconsciousness, of emotional metaawareness. There is probably a correlation with awareness of culture, and of art, and of irony, and of others; or at least some of these. Any correspondence with age is probably coincidental.

Intelligence is knowing when to round down versus up.

The great thing about pizza is that it can be easily transformed into leftover pizza.

Calling not-shotgun.

“First piece of news: my family’s crazy.”
That’s not news.
<simultaneously>“That’s not news.”

Play the Pyramid
A colander.
Cheap Ramen.
Expensive Ramen.
Burned DVD.
A forwarded letter.
An elephant statuette.
Packing peanuts.

[Second round: the judge would have also accepted “You’re in St. Louis?!” for the category “People I’ve run into this week”.]