One day in first grade I, having picked up the phrase but not understanding its meaning, repeated “darn it” repeatedly to my best friend. The maturity I felt ceased when she informed me she was offended.

This has and still consciously and unconsciously affected me. I reject vulgarity. For the euphemisms for religion, excretion, and reproduction now have only shock value; which, ipso facto of their use, they lose. Whatever power such utterances might once have had are forgotten in their ubiquity. They have become unconnected to their actual meaning: increasingly harmless interjections tossed without regard for context. To use a vulgarity is to eschew the delicious subtleties of cleverly crafted language, to choose to be defeated by mixed metaphor, to surrender to generic triteness. Not for me.

I want my first *fuck* to be memorable.

(I still consider “darn” harsher than “damn”.)

“For her self-esteem, every girl needs to know that, if she wanted to, she could get a guy like T[] H[].”
For his self-esteem, every guy needs to know that, if he wanted to, he could get a guy like T[] H[] jealous.

It wasn’t the best worst date I’ve been on, but at least it didn’t measure up to drive-through DelTaco. I do have my standards.

“I need to get a t-shirt that says "I’m not going to sleep with your boyfriend". And to get it 2 sizes too small.”

Returned to St. Louis, having learned that it is not anomalous in suffering from tea cookie deprivation; somehow these delicious yet simple treats have become endangered across the culinary world. I was only able to secure a lone tin of stale cookies over break, despite their being once plentiful in the Maryland wilds.

Even so, they were, and were attested to being, the best stale cookies you would ever eat.

“Proposition: If I could choose...”

Let swords remain in stones, and tones in words.

“By God, Excalibur, I shall be a King! This is the time of King Arthur, and we reach for the stars! This is the time of King Arthur, and violence is not strength and compassion is not weakness. We are civilized!
Resolved: We shall live through this together, Excalibur: They, you, and I! And God have mercy on us all.”

Horoscopes are reversed in the Southern Hemisphere.

Wrong.

Thank you for writing to share your thoughts. I appreciate hearing from you. This issue is one about which many individuals feel strongly. I have received comments from many constituents, both in support and opposition. I am hopeful that a ruling will be made on this issue soon. I share your concern that basic moral values make up the foundation of our great nation and will continue working hard at every opportunity to see that Congress and the federal government assists- not hinders- our work toward that goal. Rest assured, I will keep your concerns in mind as Congress considers legislation affecting our nation's moral fabric.

If anyone ever makes you cry, tell me about it. If anyone ever hurts you- physically or just emotionally- tell me about it. Even if afterwards it seems silly or petty or like it was just you being foolish. Even if you don't think I'll understand. Anyone.

It’s a Wonderful Monkey
Requiem for a Monkey
Die Hard with a Monkey
Fellowship of the Monkey
The 2 Monkeys
Return of the Monkey
A New Monkey
The Monkey Strikes Back
Monkey of the Jedi
Raiders of the Lost Monkey
Monkey of Doom
Last Monkey
Monkey-Hur
American Monkey
Finding Monkey
Finding Monkeyland
The Monkey of Oz
Back to the Monkey
Silence of the Monkeys
A Monkey of Their Own
Being John Monkeyvitch
Monkey of the Apes

Plus all the good ones (ie: Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Monkeys) missed in the marathon 7 hour LinDanny bonding session.

Played ~15 micromafia games by chat. There are 3 players: 2 townspeople, 1 mafia. They last under 2 minutes, for there is only 1 lynch: if the 2 townspeople lynch the mafia, the town wins and mafia loses; if a mafia and one townsperson lynch the other townspeople, the mafia wins and the town loses. And then new roles are sent out and a new game is begun. Sometimes roles are basic, sometimes roles are connected, sometimes random. Sometimes it comes down to skillful gambits, sometimes a lucky guess. There is no history, no night.

This is so symbolic: the reason we can’t play a game is because we might have fun.

Silly European dating customs.

While King Kong wasn’t that bad of a move, it felt too thin to be stretched over its 3-hour timeframe. The action and plot were entertaining, but most of the characterizations seemed incomplete and the movie seemed overall thematically lacking. I was, however, amused when watching the credits to see how Kong himself was credited.

The National Theatre does not have any obstructed seats. If parts of the stage cannot be viewed from one’s non-obstructed seat, hypothetically because one is sitting at the back of the mezzanine section from which the balcony severely overhangs, it is the viewer’s own fault for not embracing their unique viewing experience.

Given their customer relations, perhaps the National Theatre’s inability to recognize obstructions should be seen as unsurprising.

At a mall, a $1/use massage chair should not be placed outside of Brookstone.

2₃

For Chanukkah I got a calendar, a puzzle book, and a delicious zeugma which regrettably would take numerous Mondays before I would refer to it non-cryptically.

[Circular, but if anyone manages to figure this one out, I will tell them.]

This was not the best year for celebrating Chanukkah, with the menorah left in St. Louis, sufganiyot raided by canine, and other events arising on at least half of the nights. Maybe I should just try again next week, when the holiday won’t have to compete with Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, or Boxing Day.

This year I resolve to understand the hints and interpret the clues and solve the puzzles and unlock the mysteries, for the challenge and pleasure and personal improvement, with old friends and new friends, again.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination...”

The one born yesterday is eldest tomorrow. The one younger than you is older than you; the one younger than you leads your life. You are older than you will be and younger than you have been. Past is present; a future date was marked last night. The year is over and about to begin and already begun and still going. Everyone knows the truth: everything is a lie.

“...It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone...”

Fortune cookies are as odd as context:
“Before you wonder ‘Am I doing things right’, ask ‘Am I doing the right things?’”

We had plenty of time. We were in our seats a good 20 or 30 seconds before the lights began dimming.

“We’re looking for 6029. We were just at 7000, and the numbers were decreasing. Now we are at 1000. Therefore, this road is a tesseract.”

“Digital circuits are made from analog parts.”

“I used to be Republican, until the church took over the party.”
“I used to be Catholic, until the Republican Party took over the church.”

“I hate Duke. Because everyone there is preppy. And it’s in Durham, so those that aren’t preppy are Southern.”

“Better aim at the moon than shoot into the well.”

“I wish I could just be Content […].”

The biggest problem with Serenity is that it is worse than the Firefly. The rest are little problems which involve spoilers.

While “Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody” has some clever ideas, it suffers since what it is trying to parody is already too clever. With what it is trying to parody being more fun, it just isn’t enjoyable enough to read.

Taking another look.