People with 7-letter last names are naturally superior.

I neither excessively liked nor excessively hated Napoleon Dynamite, which I finally got around to seeing. It had practically no plot or theme, and the humor felt amateurish. Yet it had amazing intereactions between extremely strongly described characters. Despite the implausible quirks, the film had a near perfect suspense of disbelief from the characters’ consistency. And Pedro totally stole the show.

Perhaps more surprising, the liger actually exists.

“So I had a thought while watching Kill Bill 2 last night. […] Now, this is deep: Why do you never see Clark Kent and Superman at the same time?”
Um, have you seen any of the movies? ‘Cause I don’t want to give anything away… but, see, they’re the same person.

Almost as silly as Superman's identity being debated in Linguistics was contrasting distribution randomly arising in conversation that night at 2:15 AM.

“If you understand this, you will understand phonology: Superman and Clark Kent are allophones in complementary distribution. If you’re a duck, or a goat, it’s a very difficult concept.”

If anyone wants to visit me this week, start by tying a long piece of string around the Bunny. Hold onto the other end, and start walking.

If arriving by car, same thing, only start by tying the string to the clock tower.

No SI mentions this week; understandably so given how unprintable *I* was deeming my funniest entry. Which as I submitted I realized was a sign of how tasteless college has made me; a year ago I would have probably not sent it, whereas now I don't even add a bracketed apology. At least losernet appreciated it.

A: "Le Sacre du Printemps" but not "The Sack of Rome"
Q: What is an appropriate euphemism for the Pope's genitalia?

It would be wonderful if all zealotry could be addressed with the elegant simplicity of eBay.

“Q: THIS SELLER AND ALL BIDDERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR PARTAKING IN THIS UNHOLY AUCTION! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BLASPHEMY! ALL PRAISE ALLAH!!
A: Dude - you recently purchased a Sea Monkey doll using BuyItNow. The only thing that you should be praising are your parents for letting you live in their basement.”

[There’s certainly enough bizarre eBay listings.]

Over this past forgotten weekend I singled in the SI with what I considered my funniest submission, for a change. (Wag the Dogma: A group of apostles spin some messianic nonsense to distract the public from the Pilate-Magdalene affair.) A funny week all-around:

“It's a Wonderful Life Is Beautiful: A man sees how depressing a Nazi concentration camp would have been without him.

The Lion in Winterminator 2: Eleanor of Aquitaine can't be bargained with. She can't be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop. Until you are dead.”

A toroidal inductor apparently is a thick washer-sized object with copper wire coiled about that can be found on graphics cards. It apparently should not be detached rattling around the fan. Between that discovery, a misplaced cell phone, and the usually miraculous convergence of technology, I found myself utterly primitivized. No telephone, no computer, no television, no CD player, no radio.

It was incredibly boring.

I'd like to think that John Ronald Reuel would have chuckled.

Danny’s Rule of Cooking:
Pepperoni is a good thing to have around.

“Something’s coming over me...”

I don’t understand the feelings I have as I read these secrets: Morbid, fascinated, artistically appreciative, half-amused, horrified, disbelieving, jarring, raw.

I don’t wonder what I would send. I wonder whether I would send it.

Home's a great place to visit, but I'm not sure I'd want to live there.

The semester’s SI sabbatical was broken by a badly worded and late entry that the Empress allowed to be amended. The result was a coincidental single on the day I was able to break the SI social sabbatical to attend my second LoserOlympics.

Fencing: Bronze
Improv: Silver
Mechanical Fish Racing: Silver
Completathon: Bronze

(No cupstacking this year, regretfully.)

Whitman’s final LinDanny bonding.

‘Thus the theme is established that had she missed the train or not, regardless of the sequence of events that proceeded, in the end it does not matter.’ Most awkward sentence ever.
Second most-awkward.

“The work-study questionnaire is like the roommate survey: no matter how you fill it out, you’ll get something.”
Actually, if you fill out your roommate survey obnoxiously enough you’ll get a single.
“Really?”
No!

That’s your bag. I know because from across the claim I can tell it’s the most badly packed bag I’ve ever seen.

When the Russians don’t have vodka, they use salad dressing.

freerabbispeechs.com

This is the best parallel parking I’ve ever done.
<thump>
Still is.

I can't put down anything. Oh wait, I can put down isotope. Only *not*.

Wazoo is so a word [and not a word meaning *that*]. I'm not going to bother to argue apriline [clearly being an uncapitalized word meaning of, like, or characteristic of April]. Having broken 300 in my first real Scrabble game, I really can’t growl.

Was that what urbandictionary said?
No. dictionary.

Maryland until Tuesday because high school was survived.
(If you’re reading this than I probably can’t be reached by IM; use cell or e-mail instead.)

Newbie Mafia 111, with me a vanilla, began with my identifying a mafia member in my first post based on something said in their first post. I followed up this incredible accomplishment by voting to lynch the doctor, calling for the cop to be needlessly exposed, being voted by the surviving innocent vote on the final day, and having my final instinct being proven wrong after it was moot anyhow. Mafia win, I lose. While the mafia did play very well, the game was lost by the lack of support the rest of the town contributed, especially from the full complement of power roles we had. Is it too much to ask that the doctor not be suicidal, to claim rather than be lynched? Or the cop to use his investigative power to investigate? Or for townspeople to mention who they think suspicious? Talk about incredible play...

Couldn’t decide between emptyger@ and dbravman@, so gmailing it up, x2. (googleplex, perhaps?)

[Wiki Tangent Foxtrot?]

Are there ethical guidelines to humor? A Foxtrot from a few weeks ago apparently inspired vandalism on Wikipedia. Does humor preclude accuracy in a democratic free press?

Of course, such philosophical musings in this week’s Czar’s chat were interrupted by a more critical Warthog Tango Foxtrot:
“Deep Throat has been unmasked, and the CNN Poll is "Do you think Paris Hilton is ready for marriage?"”

Speaking of prioritizing online information, the Orbit Gum girl does not yet have a wiki page. I should probably do something about that.

I would like to call my next witness: the deity Saturn.
I am right, Cat is wrong, and Wednesday is Saturday.
I'd like to think I had a chance of at least not losing that argument, even if I couldn't have won it.