I could use a few days to breathe and sleep. Actually, I could likewise use a few minutes, hours, weeks, months, or years. But I’ll take what I can get.

Only a matter of time.

I have a silly superstitition whereby I let my graded exams and assignments cool off for a certain number of hours before I look at them. I think it’s because I believe that the result is determined by how well a day I’m having then, not by how well a day I’m having when the test is taken.

Only a matter of time.

This is the part of the midterm where my handwriting gets very bad and my logic loses focus and omg I’m out of time

“We need to travel back in time and make you go to Hopkins so that you help us build me a time machine.”
Except I got into Hopkins because I couldn’t have a time machine.
“There are 2^n parallel universes, in one of which all of us are at Hopkins. It is the responsibility of us in the other universes to bring our parallel selves together. Because I really need a time machine.”
I empathize. Fine, I’m in- but only to morally enforce a no-diverging-timelines policy.

Only a matter of time.

Jewish race : clown :: drunk David Spade : time machine

“You have 3 12-hours clocks. One gains a minute every day, one loses a minute every day, and one doesn’t work. Which is most accurate?”

Only a matter of time.

Can I meta the question?
“Can you meta the question?”
Ooh please ooh please let me.
“<sigh>”
Taking the first derivative of the first 2 clocks’ accuracy with respect to time shows them to be equal. Therefore, since the question implies a single answer, it must be the third clock.

Only a matter of time.

I’m starting a number-of-days-without-walking-into-a-refrigerator count.

“Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :( “

I’m not sure whose cleverness I more appreciate.

Switch.

“Do not think of bringing your parents to class. I warn you. That would be a mistake.”

I have to keep the lies I’m telling straight and the lies I’m not telling straight. When would I have time to be honest?

Sometimes you’ve just got to call an ex-best friend an egotistic whore.
(Still not about you.)

“You’re so vain…”

Life is full of drama; find the chorus and make it a comedy. Keep on dancing. Keep on laughing.

“Carry on, carry on dancing…”

Long-form : pizza :: short-form : half-eaten pizziola sandwich in a trash can

“That’s racist, and sexist, and 4-bit graphics.”

Wrong on so many levels.

It’s so funny how much none of it matters. It’s just, well, *funny*.

Since when did you become an optimist?
“I’m an optimist? That sucks. <pause> Actually, it’s not so bad.”

Free improv show tonight, 8pm, Brown 100. If you made it through the week, be there.

I've had better days and worse weeks.

Live your life like a bad interview.

“The problem with going to the Career Center for career advice is that you’re getting career advice from people whose career is working in the Career Center.”

Classics.

“PDFs are more secure. With a PDF I can’t just change your answers to lower your grade.”

Ambiguously vague.

“If you need to write more than 250 words, take out the prepositions.”
“Is that syntactically allowed?”
“This isn’t syntax.”

Cameras steal Lupe Fiasco’s soul.