6/30/10

Nuclear option.

6/29/10

I’m a short-term boy in a long-term world, except that sounds like a sleazy cheesy dating site blurb.

“Coin-operated boy…”

6/27/10

“You don't want to stop trying / You want me, well…”

The chin can be lifted up only so high. The pain in the neck is a pain in the neck.

“…Arms up, just dance / Arms out, just dance…”

6/26/10

Only you and I could take mangos this seriously.

Chicago tastes like a hopping brass quartet, with a side of goat and plantains.

"It's not like we're saving people's lives or anything. We're making cakes."

6/25/10

5 hour energy drink comes in a caffeine-free flavor.

6/24/10

“What's in a name (name: A word or string of characters that represents a cell, range of cells, formula, or constant value. Use easy-to-understand names, such as Products, to refer to hard to understand ranges, such as Sales!C20:C30.)? That which we call a cell range, function, constant, or table would tally and toil just as sweetly, methinks. But nay, don't take me at my word. Read what follows that is writ, to master all manner of names that befit. / Pray tell, what dost thou desire to do?”

What change from 2003 to 2007 to 2010 seems to be only nominal.

6/23/10

Bait and switch and switch.

We have telephones to make calls, not to tell people to call us.
This is before we realize that our parents are foolish.

6/21/10

“With all the demons I possess…”

Atop one summer peak, I made a ruckus or 2: part from curiosity, part from frustration. A few people above me heard, and they offered ignorance and sympathy. Years later, with the heights of the past forgotten, all I have of value are the harsh truths of reality slid down to; but I give them nonetheless as a comfort. And in return, I am played a random melody, only to discover that I already know the song.

Oh Balthazar Getty, you will always be the guy who looks like the guy who plays Laertes in that one version of Hamlet to me.

Lying is contagious, yes; but it is also hereditary.

“…Longing for a life / Beyond the silver moon…”

6/20/10

Saw Toy Story 3. The plot surprisingly is not simply a dichotomy of whether or not the protagonists will succeed. There are constantly obstacles to be overcome, but amidst that the characters must discover what success that success actually is. Preservation, archivation, public and private donation, and destruction are all put forth as options in response to obsolescence. But not only is the right option not predefined, but there may not be a single correct answer. And that is like finding a Bachelorette where a Disney Princess is expected: it is not simply awaiting a Prince Charming, but actively determining what even is charming. And then having that unexpectedly sophisticated plot within an as expected otherwisely superlative Pixar production.

6/19/10

It’s no surprise that we ended up as screwed up as we did. But consider how well we ended up. There are 2 of us and 1 of K[]: it could just has easily have been 2 of K[] and 1 of us.

Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being us.
Thank us for being us.

6/18/10

“Words of poisoned darts of pleasure…”

One of my guiltiest pleasures is lurking: listening with objective and undisturbing anonymity through the sociologically enormity that is online. Real life rarely is as transcendentally enlightening as the forum postings, blog responses, article comment sections, and wiki talk pages that people take energy to compose and time to read and reply to. Who are these people? What are they trying to do? Who does that? Why?

“I'm sorry, 68.82.154.130, but "your mom" is not a reliable source, or, at least, not a verifiable one.”

And every once in a while, some words are just
a context away from pure hilarity. Some Onion editorials would write themselves.

“…This one is an easy one: feel the word and melt upon it…”

6/17/10

"The researchers, from four Italian universities, said they believed Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio died of sunstroke while weakened by syphilis."

Don't know what more proof is needed that
Caravaggio was a vampire.

6/16/10

When I realize I'm not at the beach, I actually live here now.

Just when I thought I was getting used to this place, I realize that I got on a southbound Purple line instead of a northbound 20 minutes ago.

6/14/10

I really hate when the instinctively done good deed goes unrewarded. What choice, between unearned bonus and book-vending karma.

Somewhere there’s a copy of Upton Sinclair with a Time Traveler’s Wife DVD inside.

6/13/10

“History repeats itself…”

Saw Karate Kid, in which China is the new California, and middle school the new high school. The remake’s homages are weaker reflections of the classic’s memorable punchiness, but it is not the 80s; and the fact that it is a reflection is implicitly and explicitly acknowledged.

“…You’re the best / Around…”

6/12/10

Dear Internet,
These past 2 weeks we’ve gotten together at so many coffeeshops, and I’ve having a really good time with you. Just down the street I have a nice apartment. Why don’t you come over for a little bit. I think we could have a connection.

6/11/10

“Late Night Freak Show” may be a monster of it’s own creation; or it could just be the beard.

6/10/10

Today is apparently International Networking Day.
(…So why didn’t anyone tell me.)

6/9/10

Can’t or cantal.

I was going to send a fax to a job I’m not going to get for $7. Or I could buy cheese from the artisan bakery I passed on the way. I hope you’re proud of me.

6/8/10

A Brief Tour of Lakeview Tea Establishments.

Background music at a coffeeshop is like the commercial breaks you talk over. It's meaningless, but if it's not there, it's awkward. You're just silently staring at a blank screen. You need that ambience.

So I went first to Argo Tea. I'm about to pay for my order when I notice that there's a little sign that they only give 2hrs Wifi with purchase. And I'm like, really? And the guy's like, yeah. And I'm like, because I'm going to need more than that. (And, as I don't say, every place else in the world is unlimited.) And another guy snottily says, you can go to Starbucks if you want to pay $5. So I'm like, well okay then, bye.

6/7/10

“Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy…”

Woke up this morning, looked in my refrigerator, and realized was out of self-confidence. Yet like in Sliding Doors, it’s gratifying to have a realization which, no matter how differently done, would have nevertheless been realized at the same time in a completely different way.

“…Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here…”

6/6/10

Would probably have had a different perspective on “Hunting & Gathering” at a different point in my life, but I am where I am now, now.

“She moves through life as if it were a straight line.”

6/5/10

“1) BLEND the softened margarine*, rice milk**, and frosting mix at medium speed for 2 minutes, occasionally scraping the bowl.

* Substitute dairy free margarine or butter† according to your needs.
** Substitute plain soy milk or milk† according to your needs.
† Unless you are allergic to this ingredient.”

6/4/10

Step 1: Concoct a series of proclamations allegedly coming from divine authority.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Prophet!
Step 4: Realize with a quick google that your cleverness is unfortunately not original.

6/3/10

We have a linguistic disconnect. I can't date anyone who I am unable to explain to that I can’t date someone who would refer to dating as “having a girl”.

We had a metaphor together: it was a relationship that did not use the word “like”.

“I am (metaphor). / Actually, I’m (extended metaphor).”

6/2/10

Calypso discovered MirrorCat. They are not going to be BFFs any time soon.
She inherited that from me.
MirrorYou inherited that from MirrorHer.

What you see is what you get.

6/1/10

Walking across the street at 1am and buying orange juice makes one officially a resident of a city, officially defined as a place which has the Onion for free on street corners.

5/31/10

Day 375
Hamster gets stuck under futon.
Human gets rid of futon.
Hamster gets stuck under bed.
Human gets rid of bed.
Human goes to Chicago.
Hamster goes to Chicago.
Cat goes to Chicago.
Human gets new futon.
Human gets new bed.
Hamster gets new bedding.
Cat looks in mirror.
Cat hides under bed.

Here we go.


Current standings
1) Human
2) Hamster
3) Cat

5/30/10

With who I was getting a ride from.

I say Morocco, he says surprising. It’s like a reflex.

5/29/10

“Break ground, buckle down / It's time…”
Time runs out.
“…Let's move from this underground / Shed some of this blacklight to surrounding towns…”

Go forth and shine.
“…How much responsibility do you bear / For the ill…”
Across state lines.
“…Line up, state your name, state your claims, claim your stakes…”
Get while the giving’s good.
“…Look ahead now / Oh, let the countdown usher / The philanthropic mimes…”
Nothing left to say.
“…And scrape the paint that hides the crimes / Of a silent kind…”
Let everything go.
“…Is the position that you hold one that could parallel / A synergistically greater plan? / Or would it force us all to be packed…”
The hourglass empties.
“…In a sloping, quickly given golden sand…”

5/28/10

“I want to know how Shakespeare in the Park's production of Hamlet is.”
I want to see it instead of packing and waiting for craigslist buyers and whining about how my final hours in STL are being spent packing and waiting for craigslist buyers instead of seeing it.


I never meta-reference I didn’t like.

When they ask for non-related references, I sometimes put Aunt L[].
I hope you just put L[].

5/27/10

Whoever designed the layout for yesterday’s NYT front cover should be shot.

5/26/10

What kind of answer are craigslist buyers looking for when they ask “Is the desk available?” Not just fraudspam- these are real people who seem to be expecting a certain reply, and I’m running out of guesses. Yes? Yes + Location? Yes + repeating contact information? No?

Economy of words.

'Is the desk available, because I don’t want it.' I mean, really, who does that? Why not, 'What’s a good time for me to not pick it up?', or 'How much won’t I be paying to not take it?'.

5/25/10

“I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone…”

Don’t look back. The only visible part of the past lost to the present will be messes needing cleaning, and those get swept away regardless of what is done.

“…Everything is dust in the wind…”

5/24/10

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…”

Lost was the exploration of fantastic characters and plot. Halfway throught the pilot episode I was captivated by the correspondence of the questions “wherefore the polar bear?” and “whence the gun?”, and the pacing of the reveal of answers with the posing of new questions was remarkable, given the medium.

The weakest moments were explorations of plotless aspects of characters, or of characterless moments of plots. And this narrative flaw unfortunately was highlighted in the final season’s gimmick. Perhaps being too ambitious, or perhaps the original concept being unworkable led to massive late rewriting, but for whatever reason, the character/plot narratives got increasingly divorced, with neither half satisfying. And there are always quibbles of some unresolved mystery.

It is unfortunate for what did so incredibly well to have periods of detriment, especially in its final year, but it nevertheless ends with satisfying nostalgia. The 6 years between Fall 2004 until now have been an adventure; it’s time to leave the island.

“…Once was lost, but now I’m found / I was blind, but now I see…”

5/23/10

Read “Lost Books of the Odyssey” a narrative deconstruction of the Odyssey, Odysseus, Troy, and Homer. Each of the microshort stories pulls out a strand of epic, with which to weave a clever alternative within the most basic framework of the classics. The subtleties of this cleverness, required of any proper retelling of the tales of Odysseus and of Homer, tingle the spine with appreciation: even without the dactylic meter, this wonder is what the Muse infused into the Odyssey.

5/22/10

Uploading photos is a sure sign of procrastinating packing.

5/21/10

Everything must go.

5/19/10

“The time has come to say fair's fair / To pay the rent now, to pay our share…”

A piece into place: even with so much of an unknown journey to be embarked upon, one destination is known.

A place, and peace: one fewer reason to be sleepless.


“…How can we dance when our earth is turning / How do we sleep while our beds are burning…”

5/18/10

“Solicitiing and gambling are prohibited on CTA vehicles.”

Sending out sublet inquiries, and calculating odds for responses.

5/17/10

“Hot summer streets and the pavements are burning / I sit around / Trying…”

One tries to find what one doesn’t have, but one can’t know something until one has that experience; for experience is the greatest teacher, and the greatest ignorance is regarding oneself; and ignorance begets cruelty.

It’s trying, sometimes.

“…It's a cruel, cruel summer / Leaving…”

5/16/10

Daring to share, I was
Saddened because
My ears hear echoes of a buzz
You don’t, one which he does.

5/15/10

I don’t like writing. I like thinking, he thought and wrote.

5/14/10

Read “Overqualified” which is, appropriately enough, both more and less clever than I was hoping. It is half satire, half narrative of unique medium; unfortunately, the interplay between the halves des not extend past the initial amazement. Unhypocritically, I’ll take it.

5/13/10

A comic about how a fake wikipage about a word about the creation of fake words from improper usage satires the creation of wikipages from lack of notability. Then a real wikipage is created because it's notable, but only for having a fake wikipage in the comic satirizing non-notable pages. Then, the deletion of the real wikipage becomes notable because of the fact that it has been deleted, so the result is a wikipage that lacks encyclopedic content: a redirect which fails to explain the term, and a link to a discussion on the proper usage of a redirect!

Oh my God everyone what are you doing.

5/12/10

Semifortnightly.

“It’s been one week since you looked at me…”

5/11/10

Stretchy in the library with a mandolin.

All the classic warning signs: punching a street sign, massive wandering through NYC, asking me for advice.

5/10/10

Well it's just how I struggle with being seen, you know. How we feel and worry about others judging us, but people really don't. I don't know. It wrapped around on itself and got a little lost, so I can't much explain it.
Oh poor little idea. Ideas need shepherds. I mean, please tell me you can see the little idea shepherd tending to its flock?
They live in the pillow from my living room at Rosebury.


Dreams are meant to be silent, forgotten, or realized- not explained.

5/8/10

A decent setup and a Queensland Chief Justice away from making an original “Owed on a Grecian Earn” joke.

5/7/10

le sigh.
sighicus.


Chaos is the craziness between one breath and the next.

Doesn’t work in Italian, though: sighco.

5/6/10

“You’ll probably move right through / Me on my way…”

A dark lit place: the empty shadows of spines and faces, down the silent entomed aisles. The shroud of a false form is removed, and pinned to an empty wall. Memories are cleared out, what’s forgotten swept away, and the rest is peace. For Orpheus knew it a mistake to look back, but at least then he will have seen what will be lost as he exits the underworld. And then it’s over.

“…I’m not paralyzed…”

5/5/10

I just worked here.

5/4/10

All natural cola is a cross between flat Coke and flavored carbonated water, with the best qualities of each.

5/3/10

I can't remember the last time I was so enrapt by a book that I couldn't wait for my legs to stop moving before reading, until I’m interrupted by P[]'s voice on my walk home, asking if it's Latin; I instinctively apologize that it isn't (even though he's clearly kidding with that K[]-tone where you have to force your mind to accept the possibility that he's not serious) and show him the cover, and he nods and says that I'll like his poems.

The monster loves his labyrinth.

I'm afraid to quote, because I have to pick one, and then what if I pick one that you don't like, and you don't understand why I like it. (But, you do understand. Because you like things too.) The other option is to pick one for me instead of for you, but that's like asking, what's your favorite 1% of this painting- and could you rush your decision before seeing the entirety?

5/2/10

“I see no changes…”

A whirlwind afternoon, forgetting the morning.
New conversations in the final hours at the gates of the castle, recounting rediscovered explorations.
The sudden sodden rain, danced through a world short an umbrella.
Identity, so desperately trying to be reestablished, before the ultimatum given.
The introduction or closure good host Present so wants to give between guests Past and Future.

“…But things change, and that’s the way it is…”

Metamorphoses

“…Things’ll never be the same, that’s just the way it is…”

5/1/10

Date Night is incredibly funny when the person with who one is seeing it, when responding to her roommate asking where she is going, inadvertently conflates the name of the movie as “Hot Date”.

"I just realized I was thinking of Hot Tub Time Machine."

4/30/10

It’s like the classic that we always kick ourselves over, for not being the person who does the obvious-in-retrospect acts of creation and distribution that we all should be capable of, if we just had a little more courage and a lot less shame.

An Open Letter to My Future Employer.

After every sentence, I wanted to say, I’ve thought that myself. And then I read the end and I wanted to say, I’ve thought that too.

4/29/10

Day 333
Human goes to work.
Human gets Hamster.
Human leaves work.

Exit interview, pursued by a hamster.

Current standings
1) Human
2) Hamster
3) Cat

4/28/10

“Are you working tomorrow?”
Yes.
“Are you working Friday?”
Yes.
“Do you know J[] and B[] are coming again Friday?”
Yes
“Do you want a hamster?”

<pause> Sure.

Take your hamster to work day.

4/27/10

There are 2 kinds of people: those who like brown bananas and those who like green bananas.

4/26/10

Primary goal: get out a quick and painless cover letter by Monday.
Secondary goal: get out a quick or painless cover letter by Monday.

I always include liking free food in all my applications.

4/25/10

“I’m out of time…”
Only one resource is not renewable.
“…I want somebody to speed it up for me, then take it down slow…”
Only time and what others do are beyond control.
“…If you want it, you already got it / If you’ve thought it, it better be what you want…”
Only by second-guessing a decision can what is truly wanted be known.
“…Sometimes I think what I need is a you intervention…”
Only fresh eyes see the obvious.
“….And that it’s good, by the way that you move…”
Only movement defeats inertia.
“…The road to hell is paved with good intentions…”

Only by considering motivation does consideration outweigh action.
“…Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock / Breakdown…”
Writer’s block only becomes significant when some other choice takes precedent over the purpose of the words.

“…Only got 4 minutes to save the world…”

4/24/10

Epiphany: the idea of telling a story.

“She saw herself reflected in the store window & then the sun changed & she disappeared & all she could see was her eyes & she remembered thinking, I make a very nice floor lamp & that was the day she decided to quit her job.”

4/23/10

“A good bookshop is just a genteel black hole that knows how to read."

4/21/10

“Sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door…”

To skydive: with parachute strapped on, take a breath and a step, and come down to earth again.

“…Close your eyes / Clear your heart / Cut the cord…”

4/20/10

“Let's dance to Joy Division / And celebrate the irony…”

I hate songs that have dissonant components, unless done right.

“…Everything is going wrong, but we're so happy…”

4/19/10

I am especially excited about the “& Tea” portion.

Let the rest follow a seat and a sip.

If I ever run a British tea shoppe, it’s going to be called Passersby & Onlookers.

4/18/10

Punctuators Anonymous.

I have to restrain myself from adding semicolons in casual conversation.
I put a backslash in my resume.

4/17/10

Serve me up a Frosted Mini-Wheat, barman: heavy on the mini, hold the frosted.

4/16/10

It's sad, the moment you realize something isn't perfect. I suppose I was idealizing, so I guess maybe it's good that I've shattered that now. It's like, when special guest actor returns for an episode, and it's awesome, and then the episode is winding up and character makes some plot reason why they're getting written back out, and you're like, but, can't you stay just a little longer, special guest actor? Look how much fun we're having? Can't we keep hanging out some more? Because I had forgotten how much I missed you until I heard your voice again, so why is your voice going so soon?

All children, except one, grow up.

I had to explain to someone what the bees’ knees were. Would you rather have the head of Al Gore, or use outdated expressions in everyday speech?

4/15/10

With A Special Guest Appearance by the Voice of Danny as Himself

Would that I wrote cover letters like I write e-mails and bad poetry.

No hamster just yet. Got some chocolate cake instead. This is a haiku.

4/14/10

I shall be deleting this unheard
Somewhere hours and hours hence.
Two cover letters diverged in Word,
And I- unsure which is preferred.
And yet, it may make no difference.

4/13/10

There is good bad poetry and there is bad bad poetry, and “B is for Bad Poetry” is 80% the former. Indeed, I wish to see a neofuturistic recital of its appreciable contents.

4/11/10

A long way away fling
Everything
Higher I aspired to, one spring,
Untie. (A knotty string.)

4/10/10

“I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy…”

Crazy expands to fill the available space.

“…Packing up your stuff / And talking like it's tough / And trying to tell me that it's time to go…”

4/9/10

“Love game, intuition, play the cards…”

In a perfect world, forethought or luck earns reward. In an imperfect world, it’s procrastination or unluckiness. Anything wagered is with hope of compensation: put up with a risk, receive a reward of money- or prestige, or time, or a good experience, or even just learning one of life’s lessons. But reward is distinct from earning. For sometimes the best hand wins; sometimes the best played hand wins, and ranking isn’t an orderly progression based on probability.

In a perfect world, there are no games; only games.

“…Can’t read my / No he can’t read my poker face…”

4/8/10

Vaguely foggy is whatever the opposite of an oxymoron is.

4/7/10

“Heads I go to class, tails I skip.”
<coin lands heads>
“Best 2 of 3?”

<coin lands heads>
“Best 3 of 5?”

<coin lands edge and rolls under a fixture>
“God’s like, go to class already.”

The trick is to go at it with no pressure. That, and just do it anyway even when it’s not as effective or good.

“It will stop beeping if you close the door or it gets bored.”

4/6/10

“You’re allowed to walk out of one place. Any more than that establishes a reputation. But you get one.”

Meatloaf may be well and good and cleverly creatively savory, but clearly the answer which would make everyone happy is cupcakery.

My perfect woman would be a 28 year old Julia Child.”

4/5/10

When having words with friends, informational and conversational correctness are 2 different concepts. Context can make something pedantically accurate incredibly wrong.

4/4/10

Taking communion is not kosher for Passover. Either transubstantiation is false, and therefore it's leavened. Or transubstantiation is true, and therefore it's risen.

Of course, a Jew can't have a happy Easter, since it contains yeast during Passover.

4/3/10

“For the benefit of Mr. Kite / There will be a show tonight on trampoline…”

Bouncing up, bouncing up.

“…The celebrated Mr. K / Performs his feat on Saturday and Bishopsgate…”

Thanks for inviting. It’s an honor to be asked.

“…Misters K and H assure the public / Their production will be second to none…”

We are gentlemen. So I’ve heard.

“…Ten somersaults he'll undertake on solid ground…”

Roll out, roll out.

“…A splendid time is guaranteed for all…”

4/2/10

“It's not worth being awake unless you are having fun or being productive.”

Bedtime story.

And they lived happily ever after probably in Chicago. The end.

4/1/10

It’s funny because it’s true.

A man walks into a bar and sees a nun spinning wool behind the counter. The man asks for a drink, but the nun just obliviously keeps on spinning. The man waits a few moments and asks for a drink again, but she’s just keeps on spinning. The man asks a third time, louder, but she just goes on spinning obliviously. Not sure what to do, he shouts at her to stop spinning and pour him a drink. The nun looks up and says… “This is becoming a habit.”

3/30/10

“We’ll start the Seder on page 9. Ignore all the stuff about Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln on page 8.”

Go around the table and state your name and an uninteresting fact about yourself.

“How are we passing? Clockwise, counterclockwise?”
“By age? Height?”
”Alphabetically?”
“Yes.”

3/29/10

The moral of Passover: In case of emergency, break lamb.

3/28/10

Love to flirt, hate to date.

3/27/10

Will Eno plays are strangely appropriate to be hijacked into freely seeing by virtue of bearing free cookies.

3/26/10

And now for something completely different.

3/25/10

Taking too much validation-needing pleasure in subversively placing a small copy of Machiavelli on a Saint-Exupery endcap.

“Only children know what they are looking for.”

3/24/10

If I get evicted or killed before March 31, I’m blaming the Commerce Department.

3/23/10

“How quickly can you mobilize?”
For free ice cream? Immediately.


What do I do normally.

3/22/10

“You got to stop once in a while / And shake off that face of yours…”

Past time for a new look.

“…I'm no genius and I've lost myself / The books are on the table and the secret's on the shelf…”

3/21/10

“Meet me on the equinox…”

So done with this season.

“…Everything, everything ends…”

3/20/10

Like a poker tournament, life every so often advances to a new stage, where blinds increase, lower denominations get cashed out as irrelevant, and the previous wagers feel inconsequential compared to what currently is at stake. What really matters gets honed and pared away the longer one stays in the game. And yet, the truth that takes the entirety to discover is that the value of the markers is immaterial. What really matters is longevity. The only true currency is time.

Never has $5 seemed so worthless.

3/19/10

Ou la la, notre madamoiselle est, qu’est ce c’est, abroad? Mon dieu! Voilà, le “C[] Is Too Good For This” Petit Dejeuner:

“Puis je comment allez vous” croissants.

“Je m’appelle Louis Pasteurizé“ milk.

“Comme ci comme ça avec mon coeur” omelette.

“Il y a un beaucoup des au revoir” crepes.

“Parlez vous la bibliotheque de ma tante des pourquoi plus cette chemise sur la tableau” French toast.

3/17/10

Rather be lucky than good; but rather feel good than lucky.

3/16/10

Yesterday’s opportunities will be here tomorrow. Today is today.

3/15/10

Jon’s Principle of Non-non-confrontation
If there’s something which for the relationship’s sake you’re keeping yourself from saying to someone, then for the relationship’s sake say it.

Come to bury, not to praise.