It’s all downhill from here.

(Art Hill, enjoying the pleasantly wintry Forest Park by the kindness of others.)

“These boots were made for walking…”

Gratuitously working my feet off, for:
80% guilt
15% shameless pride
5% jealousy

Worth it and $5, provided I’m still standing.

I might need a doormat for Christmas. Because I apparently needed one for Chanukkah.

Not going to talk about this past week. Ever.

All-nighters cause lower GPAs, usually through a lack of understanding of logic.

Merely existing.

Secret Santa FAQ
Q1: I haven't received a name yet!
A1: Check your facebook message Inbox. If it's not there, let me know, and I'll have the name sent to you again.

Q2: I received myself!
A2: You're a sick freak.

Q4: Can I make my own gift?
A4: Sure! The idea is to have fun and not get arrested.

Q5: Can I shoplift my gift from the campus bookstore?
A5: No. I'm not bailing you out this time, L[].

Q8: How can you have a cognitional and personal synthesis in the articulated unity of a field conception of time in which the future has primacy?
A8: oh look at the time gotta go

Lox : salmon :: prosciutto : pepperoni

Deny everything, without shame.

“Tell me again, you moaning myrtles of midnight, you mothers and fathers of aborted bananas and wombat whittling! Tell me truthfully.”

The Gaze: free improv tonight at 8pm in the Gargoyle.
See it.

Fatuous.

There is a 41% chance that drinking diet soda causes being overweight rather than being overweight causes drinking diet soda.

“What kind of music do you like?”
Not country.
“I said music.”
That's the best retort I've ever heard to my standard answer.

Apparently I’m an adult. Be all mature and straightforward. Ew. How did that happen? Nevermind, I know the answer: 5 months ago.

Intention: May.

It’s stuff like this that makes me sad the Daily Show is on strike.

Whatever I Can Get -> Networking captures perfectly the way in which facebook has sold out.

With Whatever I Can Get no longer being an option, there is a lack of the implicit inverse. Thus it is no longer shown that I’m not looking for what I can't get.

“P[] left his facebook logged on.”
“Leave it. <pause> Open, not alone.”

“And I guess that's why they call it the blues…”

Got talked into seeing a hockey game, completing a mild desire intended since the 2002 Olympics instead of doing work. While compared to other sports, the relative increase in entertainment value between watching live and watching on TV seemed low, it was definitely correct to not reject a seat at a game. Winning against Chicago, it was a good night: 3-1 victory.

Thanks, but as a male I cannot in good conscience turn down a hockey game for a sorority pre-rush banquet.

Poetry in motion.

“Oh, this night is too long…”

Figure out the logistics.
Bet $10 on it.
Follow the bouncing ball.
Hear the music.
Swing and pull and spin around.
Treasure the past.
Get your picture taken for the first time.
And again.
And again.
Take out your phone and make the call.
Wire money to Mexico.
Sneak in.
Get spotted.
Run for your life.
Don’t look down.
Don’t ask questions.
Ignore what they’re doing.
Wear someone else’s hat and coat.
Eat pie.
Miss you most of all.
Scarecrow.

“…In the end it's worthwhile…”

You’ll feel better in the morning.

"I ran away from X because I need to be Y and X wasn't very Y and now I'm kicking myself in the Z."

If I weren't going to not start something, I wouldn't have not done it by now.

“You guys talked about sex without me?”
Yes. We also talked, without you, about sex.

Why do you *tell* me,
Godzilla stomping Bambi?
Because I'm not cruel.

“Touched” is the right word.

Worshipped by pagan rites, to Great Lunar Diana of Nemi
Lollygaggers come! Druids, invoke Forasté!

“There once were some peeps in a traveling cult.
Not getting why their signs always caused a tumult.
They entreated Diana of moon-ruling powers
With Nazi swastikas and wee pot o’ flowers.
Since Nemi, however, after finding no peace,
They settled in Elea with real shrines like Greece!
Love, The Druids <3”

Tape Side Tape Side Tape
Side Tape Side Tape Side Tape Side
Tape Side Tape Side Tape

As pain remains, to see
Identity
Escape the fate of being free
From passion, so will we.

“That reminds me of a Thanksgiving tradition…”
<sigh> Going around the table and saying what we're thankful for.
“No…”“But that is a good idea! I had completely forgotten. Why don't you start?”
Sorry, everyone.
Thanks.

Gobble gobble gobble squawk splat

“…and finally I'm thankful for rediscovering my best friend.”
“Oh? Online?”
“No. <points to husband> Him.”

Hitman is gratuitous, but in neither an artistic nor a crude manner. It is almost bland, offering what it does with merely mediocre cursory attention to the rest. In some ways this simple world of the stoic savior is alluring. So many questions aren’t answered, but, not having an answer, they aren’t even asked.

I’d forgotten how much I miss MD autumns.

The Deception of Easiness
For easiness is desired. Education is pursued for it, balancing present rigor against future leisure. Yet puzzles get solved, boredom gets resisted, challenges get sought. One strives. One loves the one who one’s not with, even with a choice and a sigh. Elections get determined by front-runners, with problems and questions ignored for issues and stances. Those with the ability to lead are chosen over those who do lead. Hillary climbed because it was there; but so too is the anonymous molehill, which becomes mounted without acclaim.

In every potential there is an Erin and there is a Monica. One is easier than the other; the tricky part is that the other is also easier than the one.

I cannot start this.

“Do you want to take this back with you?”
Well, it seems a little too bulky; how often am I going to use it?
“The portable airplane power supply, not the car battery.”

Having a father who went to MIT is sometimes a very good thing.

“She has very red hair.”
“<scoffs>”

Allow me to be a Classics dork for a second, but omg they found the Lupercale.
“Allow me to be the pinnacle of a HP dork and just go squee at the name Remus.”

Registering what I already should have been finished with.

I know who I am.
I need to stop forgetting that.

Either with the competition or the hangover, good luck tomorrow.
“Perhaps both.”

The hardest part of figuring out the future is figuring out the present.

“Don’t think of it as 5am Saturday morning. Think of it as 5am Friday night.”

I actually didn’t hate the cluster system until 1pm yesterday.

Double, check.
Withdraw, the question.
Cluster,

“Social science is a vacuum.”

If anyone has any advice on particularly easy or painless SS courses/clusters among those being offered next semester, let me know.

[This would have been a funnier Away Message if my memory were better.]

“I have completed the first step towards my lifelong goal of becoming a robot.”
Robot teeth are the first step? What’s second?
“A robot circulatory system?”
Why can’t robots just use blood? I mean, the iron thing makes sense.
“Actually, it does make sense. <swears> Now you’ve got me thinking about blood-robots.”

I'm not going to be that kid.
"I'll be that kid."
Don't be that kid.

Porphyry was that kid.

Argh, I should have brought a water bottle. <checks> Argh. Okay, I'm going to run and buy one. Anyone else want anything?
"Can you fill up my water bottle?"
Wow. You so do go camping.

I dreamt. I was surrounded by books.

"Hey, can you bring me back a latte or a cappuccino?"
Wow. You so don't go camping.

Team Arrested Development Season 4 was unfortunately prematurely canceled. Given a series of upsets towards the end, how much the disastrously random seeding effects the results could not be extrapolated. But despite certain irregularities in the tournament structure, some very close games were played.

Let the veterans grumble: it’s not as good as it used to be.

Self-destruct.

This is one of those days when a hand that otherwise should win is going to lose in such a way that nothing can be done about it.

The saddest words in the English language are I can’t do this.

When in doubt, be Machiavellian.

Dear St. Louis Weather,
Be less bipolar.
Yours truly,

Operation Apparation.

Is is = = 1?

(What is, the meaning of this.)

The Illusionist unfortunately forces comparison to “The Prestige”; for the latter is better. While the former tells a story, with plot and characters and setting, the latter transcends to be a spectacle, a thing to be seen. And yet this probably depends on perspective. Seen as an in-flight film while leaving the country hours after reconcluding a relationship begun with lies and deceit, I liked it.

Half of the fun of seeing The Prestige is being amazed. The other half is turning to the other stunned audience members afterwards to discuss awedly how it was done.

Make stuff up

(Suspicious of Whistlers, Gargoyle, tonight, 8pm, free, improv comedy)

“I've been toying with the idea of getting a moped and using it to get around longer suburban distances, and even more serious interstate travel. I think I probably won't do it because of the getting killed part, and also how easy they are to steal. But I've been having fun poking things into google and checking the 'avoid highways' box to see how it would go.”

Dreams and European buses are the best ways to travel.

“It would be easier if google maps had an 'avoid the ghetto' box.”

Not enough time to see myself.
Not enough time to be seen as myself.

(Half half-finished.)

Does anyone have a pair of black gloves I could borrow? (Or alternatively, some time and ambition?)

It seems that everytime I buy a loaf of bread this year, the back half disintegrates into mold.

Scripted.

“Stop this nonsense! Look at you two gentlemen! Acting like children! Shame on you. Both. Both crybabies. Stop this nonsense. Immediately.”

Enter Enter/Exeunt

Quite the spectacle, to be sure, yet disappointly reduced. Certainly humorous, but surprisingly the writing too obviously dated. The original was better.

Author is inspired to novels which become fanfic which become slashfic which become confirmed by the author.

"Someone came into the store today and bought a wizard cape, a wizard hat, and a giant plastic pink wand that was obviously for little girls. I asked him if it was all for one costume. He replied, ‘Dumbledore.’."

Damn it. Put on real pants and go.

“I don’t understand why zombies eat brains.”
It makes perfect sense.
“How?”
For the same reason that humans eat muscles.
“That actually does make a lot of sense.”

It may take 30 minutes, but the common loon is clearly deadly.

“Drove to Chicago…”

Singled with a win after a long SI hiatus, with the following chain. [Ask if any connection needs explaining.]

George W. Bush
Jenna Bush
Jena 6
James VI
Stuart Little
Mr. Big
God
Chuck Norris
Chuck Taylors
Keds
K-Fed
Britney Spears
William the Conqueror
Norman Mailer
Neil Postman
Will Wright
SimCity
Phil Simms
Disney World
Orlando Bloom
Legolas
Jenna Elfman
the Dharma Initiative
"Lost"
George W. Bush

It’s a good time to reassociate.

“…All things go, all things go / To recreate us…”

I could use a few days to breathe and sleep. Actually, I could likewise use a few minutes, hours, weeks, months, or years. But I’ll take what I can get.

Only a matter of time.

I have a silly superstitition whereby I let my graded exams and assignments cool off for a certain number of hours before I look at them. I think it’s because I believe that the result is determined by how well a day I’m having then, not by how well a day I’m having when the test is taken.

Only a matter of time.

This is the part of the midterm where my handwriting gets very bad and my logic loses focus and omg I’m out of time

“We need to travel back in time and make you go to Hopkins so that you help us build me a time machine.”
Except I got into Hopkins because I couldn’t have a time machine.
“There are 2^n parallel universes, in one of which all of us are at Hopkins. It is the responsibility of us in the other universes to bring our parallel selves together. Because I really need a time machine.”
I empathize. Fine, I’m in- but only to morally enforce a no-diverging-timelines policy.

Only a matter of time.

Jewish race : clown :: drunk David Spade : time machine

“You have 3 12-hours clocks. One gains a minute every day, one loses a minute every day, and one doesn’t work. Which is most accurate?”

Only a matter of time.

Can I meta the question?
“Can you meta the question?”
Ooh please ooh please let me.
“<sigh>”
Taking the first derivative of the first 2 clocks’ accuracy with respect to time shows them to be equal. Therefore, since the question implies a single answer, it must be the third clock.

Only a matter of time.

I’m starting a number-of-days-without-walking-into-a-refrigerator count.

“Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :( “

I’m not sure whose cleverness I more appreciate.

Switch.

“Do not think of bringing your parents to class. I warn you. That would be a mistake.”

I have to keep the lies I’m telling straight and the lies I’m not telling straight. When would I have time to be honest?

Sometimes you’ve just got to call an ex-best friend an egotistic whore.
(Still not about you.)

“You’re so vain…”

Life is full of drama; find the chorus and make it a comedy. Keep on dancing. Keep on laughing.

“Carry on, carry on dancing…”

Long-form : pizza :: short-form : half-eaten pizziola sandwich in a trash can

“That’s racist, and sexist, and 4-bit graphics.”

Wrong on so many levels.

It’s so funny how much none of it matters. It’s just, well, *funny*.

Since when did you become an optimist?
“I’m an optimist? That sucks. <pause> Actually, it’s not so bad.”

Free improv show tonight, 8pm, Brown 100. If you made it through the week, be there.

I've had better days and worse weeks.

Live your life like a bad interview.

“The problem with going to the Career Center for career advice is that you’re getting career advice from people whose career is working in the Career Center.”

Classics.

“PDFs are more secure. With a PDF I can’t just change your answers to lower your grade.”

Ambiguously vague.

“If you need to write more than 250 words, take out the prepositions.”
“Is that syntactically allowed?”
“This isn’t syntax.”

Cameras steal Lupe Fiasco’s soul.

Will wake for food.

If you have an offcampus mealplan, you should not be using points to eat breakfast.

“That’s right, when I put my foot down…”
It takes a while for it to hit the ground.

This is why I’m kept around.

“I’m not sure whether to start right now or to treasure the pristine collection.”
Choose what the 6 most memorable occasions of your life will be, and save them for them.
“The revolution and the first 5 purges.”
But what’s the 6th?
“Good! Although I was thinking along the lines of ‘Shame to use them all within 2 days.’.”

“Bacon is a vegetable.”
“Is that a reference to Francis Bacon?”

“You can’t say there are 4 mutton walking across the lawn. Because they wouldn’t be mutton.”

“Every time I eat salad I feel myself get a little bit stupider.”

Hungry for linguistics.

Any Tuesday with only minor surgery is a good Tuesday.

Every time it gets recorded you’ll hope, and every time it has been recorded you’ll wonder, if just one time a 9 gets recorded as a spare.

Scruffy came back and it’s only September.

Lamb is good.
Kreplah is good.
Good things are good.

“I remember when / I remember…”

Reroute: In the same place someplace else.

“…And I hope that you are having the time of your life / But think twice…”

“This mood of yours is temporary…”

Again I Go / Unnoticed

“…’cause if it's more than that, I fear that I might break…”

Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do.

“You will soon witness a miracle.”

Martyr’s μαρτυρ.

“You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily.”

Heard those words before.

“Chomsky is the Chuck Norris of linguistics.”

You move, remove my hand,
Turn from me, stand,
Replace embrace with distance and
I don’t quite understand.

Exit, pursued by a Wolf.

I got thirsty on my way to class, so I stopped for a glass of water, and then I saw you talking, and I considered dumping it on you. But I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. So, for the future: when should I not?
“If it’s cold. Or windy. Or if I’m wearing something nice, though you probably don’t need to worry about that.”
Okay.
<waits 4 seconds>
<throws water in face>
<runs>

        
           

Replace.

“If I had it all again…”

Nothing left.
Everything inside.
Nothing right.

“…Breathe in / Breathe out / Breathe in / Breathe out…”

Friday Freakout.

Callback to an earlier scene.

A garden tries to take something perfect and show it perfectly; the resulting hyperreality is ruinously imperfect. The untamed chaos of nature is presented as if it were order. Mystery is hidden with species and genus labeled. Beauty is kept in stasis; ugliness is seen. And with order disrupted, there is chaos: planned paths and aesthetic arrangement are misleading and aimless. Eve was right. Lilith was wrong. Life doesn’t begin in a garden; death does.

“I will buy you a garden…”

“Washing machines can be tiresome.”

Semantics and dirty laundry.

“Only 2 things exist, and 1 of them doesn’t.”

It’s not complicated.

a) Dinner on the loop
b) Listening to blues
c) Watching Firefly
d) All of the above

Yogurt + smoked salmon + whipped cream + shredded cheese + chocolate shavings - dill

“<!-- Web.Config Configuration File -->

<configuration>
    <system.web>
        <customErrors mode="Off"/>
    </system.web>
</configuration>”

I want to go to a place where things are how they were and nothing I do will make them change.

That's about what I'd expect a bear hugging a dog would look like.