Let there be lights.

"I'm sorry, have I somehow impacted your IQ negatively?"

In retrospect there are always plenty of hints. No further questions, your honor.

"I'm sorry, was the sex too good?"

Insomnia Corollary
There exists a constant c = inf X, where X = {x: “If I can just fall asleep by time t I will still be able to get x hours of sleep.” is truthfully able to be said.}.

Insomnia Conjecture
c is independent of t.

Nothing like a good dormhop to kick off a semester.

One day in first grade I, having picked up the phrase but not understanding its meaning, repeated “darn it” repeatedly to my best friend. The maturity I felt ceased when she informed me she was offended.

This has and still consciously and unconsciously affected me. I reject vulgarity. For the euphemisms for religion, excretion, and reproduction now have only shock value; which, ipso facto of their use, they lose. Whatever power such utterances might once have had are forgotten in their ubiquity. They have become unconnected to their actual meaning: increasingly harmless interjections tossed without regard for context. To use a vulgarity is to eschew the delicious subtleties of cleverly crafted language, to choose to be defeated by mixed metaphor, to surrender to generic triteness. Not for me.

I want my first *fuck* to be memorable.

(I still consider “darn” harsher than “damn”.)

“For her self-esteem, every girl needs to know that, if she wanted to, she could get a guy like T[] H[].”
For his self-esteem, every guy needs to know that, if he wanted to, he could get a guy like T[] H[] jealous.

It wasn’t the best worst date I’ve been on, but at least it didn’t measure up to drive-through DelTaco. I do have my standards.

“I need to get a t-shirt that says "I’m not going to sleep with your boyfriend". And to get it 2 sizes too small.”

Returned to St. Louis, having learned that it is not anomalous in suffering from tea cookie deprivation; somehow these delicious yet simple treats have become endangered across the culinary world. I was only able to secure a lone tin of stale cookies over break, despite their being once plentiful in the Maryland wilds.

Even so, they were, and were attested to being, the best stale cookies you would ever eat.

“Proposition: If I could choose...”

Let swords remain in stones, and tones in words.

“By God, Excalibur, I shall be a King! This is the time of King Arthur, and we reach for the stars! This is the time of King Arthur, and violence is not strength and compassion is not weakness. We are civilized!
Resolved: We shall live through this together, Excalibur: They, you, and I! And God have mercy on us all.”

Horoscopes are reversed in the Southern Hemisphere.

Wrong.

Thank you for writing to share your thoughts. I appreciate hearing from you. This issue is one about which many individuals feel strongly. I have received comments from many constituents, both in support and opposition. I am hopeful that a ruling will be made on this issue soon. I share your concern that basic moral values make up the foundation of our great nation and will continue working hard at every opportunity to see that Congress and the federal government assists- not hinders- our work toward that goal. Rest assured, I will keep your concerns in mind as Congress considers legislation affecting our nation's moral fabric.

If anyone ever makes you cry, tell me about it. If anyone ever hurts you- physically or just emotionally- tell me about it. Even if afterwards it seems silly or petty or like it was just you being foolish. Even if you don't think I'll understand. Anyone.

It’s a Wonderful Monkey
Requiem for a Monkey
Die Hard with a Monkey
Fellowship of the Monkey
The 2 Monkeys
Return of the Monkey
A New Monkey
The Monkey Strikes Back
Monkey of the Jedi
Raiders of the Lost Monkey
Monkey of Doom
Last Monkey
Monkey-Hur
American Monkey
Finding Monkey
Finding Monkeyland
The Monkey of Oz
Back to the Monkey
Silence of the Monkeys
A Monkey of Their Own
Being John Monkeyvitch
Monkey of the Apes

Plus all the good ones (ie: Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Monkeys) missed in the marathon 7 hour LinDanny bonding session.

Played ~15 micromafia games by chat. There are 3 players: 2 townspeople, 1 mafia. They last under 2 minutes, for there is only 1 lynch: if the 2 townspeople lynch the mafia, the town wins and mafia loses; if a mafia and one townsperson lynch the other townspeople, the mafia wins and the town loses. And then new roles are sent out and a new game is begun. Sometimes roles are basic, sometimes roles are connected, sometimes random. Sometimes it comes down to skillful gambits, sometimes a lucky guess. There is no history, no night.

This is so symbolic: the reason we can’t play a game is because we might have fun.

Silly European dating customs.

While King Kong wasn’t that bad of a move, it felt too thin to be stretched over its 3-hour timeframe. The action and plot were entertaining, but most of the characterizations seemed incomplete and the movie seemed overall thematically lacking. I was, however, amused when watching the credits to see how Kong himself was credited.

The National Theatre does not have any obstructed seats. If parts of the stage cannot be viewed from one’s non-obstructed seat, hypothetically because one is sitting at the back of the mezzanine section from which the balcony severely overhangs, it is the viewer’s own fault for not embracing their unique viewing experience.

Given their customer relations, perhaps the National Theatre’s inability to recognize obstructions should be seen as unsurprising.

At a mall, a $1/use massage chair should not be placed outside of Brookstone.

2₃

For Chanukkah I got a calendar, a puzzle book, and a delicious zeugma which regrettably would take numerous Mondays before I would refer to it non-cryptically.

[Circular, but if anyone manages to figure this one out, I will tell them.]

This was not the best year for celebrating Chanukkah, with the menorah left in St. Louis, sufganiyot raided by canine, and other events arising on at least half of the nights. Maybe I should just try again next week, when the holiday won’t have to compete with Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, or Boxing Day.

This year I resolve to understand the hints and interpret the clues and solve the puzzles and unlock the mysteries, for the challenge and pleasure and personal improvement, with old friends and new friends, again.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination...”

The one born yesterday is eldest tomorrow. The one younger than you is older than you; the one younger than you leads your life. You are older than you will be and younger than you have been. Past is present; a future date was marked last night. The year is over and about to begin and already begun and still going. Everyone knows the truth: everything is a lie.

“...It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone...”

Fortune cookies are as odd as context:
“Before you wonder ‘Am I doing things right’, ask ‘Am I doing the right things?’”

We had plenty of time. We were in our seats a good 20 or 30 seconds before the lights began dimming.

“We’re looking for 6029. We were just at 7000, and the numbers were decreasing. Now we are at 1000. Therefore, this road is a tesseract.”

“Digital circuits are made from analog parts.”

“I used to be Republican, until the church took over the party.”
“I used to be Catholic, until the Republican Party took over the church.”

“I hate Duke. Because everyone there is preppy. And it’s in Durham, so those that aren’t preppy are Southern.”

“Better aim at the moon than shoot into the well.”

“I wish I could just be Content […].”

The biggest problem with Serenity is that it is worse than the Firefly. The rest are little problems which involve spoilers.

While “Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody” has some clever ideas, it suffers since what it is trying to parody is already too clever. With what it is trying to parody being more fun, it just isn’t enjoyable enough to read.

Taking another look.

Misplaced.

"It is a requirement that every mathematics teacher teach you something illegal."
In B[]'s case, how to kill yourself.

Would that my GPA went up every time I was wrong, Cliff was right, and my personal philosophy was shaken.

The AC/heater has an analog dial for temperature and 4 levels of intensity (high, medium, low, off). These combine to exactly 3 permutations: {cold, hot, off}.

My spatially optimized room setup has a flaw: climate.

Every 4 minutes someone in Canada gets a concussion.
This is not why my head hurts.

I cannot catch a shuttle for the life of me.

(Actually, it's more of a general failure at being able to get to the Galleria.)

I have class not only on reading week, but also on reading weekend. By choice. I feel so academic.

All this philosophy is well and good, but when do we get to kill someone?

Photographic evidence is as fleeting as battery life: blink and it's gone, forgotten like a passed milestone. A neat vanishing trick, if you can furnish it; it'll make your head hurt and put your hands on your hips. Only thing to do is to do it yesterday, and try again today. Somehow it’ll fit together. Together we stand alone.

Engage
eXplore
Collaborate
Execute
Leave them smiling

Sometimes customer service stops at execution.

“Can I nominate A[] for recognition since she hasn’t killed any customers today?”

Won Mafia 40, the Worst Game Ever. Ironically, given that I was part of the Newbie mafia and got investigated Night 1, it might even be for the best that my Day 1 actions were indefensible, so that my fellow newbie mafias weren’t exposed defending me. Not that that’s any defense, though it is a convenient rationalization.

"Well, it looks like we got a mafia."
"How do you figure?"
"He didn't have a gun."
"So?"
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people!"
"Then how did he kill people?"
"With his stethoscope."

Finally attended a Midnight Breakfast, having not made it to either of last year’s. And was underwhelmed. Sure it’s free CC, but the lines are long and the supply of food is short. So I take the provided dinnerware, go to Ursa’s, and still haven’t eaten at Midnight Breakfast.

If I want free food, I’ll hit the Classics department.

Didn't learn.
For the identification of the Ides of March I wanted to conclude with something of the form: "And approximately 2000 years later, Fabio would be born." But [as stated in a long-previous Away Message] I was running short on time and my last two answers were slightly weaker, and I didn't want the professor to think that I was wasting time on pranks instead of regurgitating knowledge. Opportunity lost.

If a tree falls in a forest and hits a mime, would anyone care?
(The final word is strictly intransitive; there is not even an implied object.)

Holiday Hootenanny: Orange juice provided.

My seeming inability to show up at certain morning events recently is totally the fault of an unreliable snooze button.

“...ac non verba sequi fidibus modulanda Latinis,
sed verae numerosque modosque ediscere vitae.”

Satur Horace.

That’s it! I’m putting up a quoteboard!
<dramatically throws down stuff>
<dramatically storms out>
<returns>
Er, I need these.
<picks up keys>
<leaves>

What’s better than getting free movie tickets?
Going to the movie and getting free stuff.

At the advanced screening of Narnia 1, I sat in the door prize seat, earning a mediocre goodiebag of poster/hat/shirt plus somesuch to be mailed from Y98, which might even circularly include a gift certificate to a movie theatre.

Incidentally, Narnia 1 is “The Passion” plus “Lord of the Rings”. Having not read the books since learning about the now amazingly obvious allegory, I need to do so.

Danny’s Diet
Eat when you are hungry; don’t when you aren’t. (Asterisk the hypoglycemia.)

Not that difficult. So, clearly, what this naturally evolved impulse of the human body needs is a faddish quasi-scientific system with a shiny logo and the marketable moniker of intuitive eating. Which ought to include cannibalism.

Trying way too hard to think of oxymoronic Hurricane names.
Like Hurricane Joy. Or Hurricane Sunny (Sonny?).

Think I'm allergic to Roman History essays.

Chelsea’s Corollary
“If your boyfriend values your worth as a girlfriend by whether or not you understand "the importance of staying to watch the end of the Spirit Temple" rather than whether or not you can beat it in half the time it normally takes him to get the Iron Boots, dump him.”

If your girlfriend won’t understand the importance of staying to watch the end of the Spirit Temple, dump her.

Another priority might be seeing Suspicious of Whistlers at Ursa’s at 9:30 tonight.

“Isolated as he now is when he writes to Augustus, he can observe the distortion of his and his peers’ accomplishments, mordantly contemplating, for example, the collapse into pat neoteric cliché of the hard-won aesthetic victories of his generation, in which they had reworked and upgraded the Callimacheanism of the neoterics, making it a suitable engine for their greater ambitions.”

<blink>

Una cum scriptore / meo.

I already miss my enchirito.

With a 10:30 am registration time today, my schedule is a mess. Will be signing up for 7 classes, expecting to drop 4 and pick up 2. If I wind up dropping 5, I will have a serious problem.

Anyone have any advice regarding any of the following?
Elementary Probability and Statistics
Language, Culture, and Society
Latin and Greek in Current English
Logic and Critical Analysis
Fiction Writing

Would be so much easier if my utterances were immediately carried out and/or were accompanied by a laughtrack.

“My Freshman Year” is effectively an objective analysis of *me*. Would have liked more of the means of investigation rather than of the end conclusions; the latter are common to college guide, but the former unique to this. Enjoyment probably relates more than usual to a reader’s relation to the subject.

A cappella should not sound like barbershop quartet.

Perfection Dichotomy
Consider the idea of imperfection, as shown in a previous Away Message. The idea of imperfection has imperfection as an aspect.
I am able to consider the idea of imperfection. Thus I am imperfect.
As shown in a previous Away Message, therefore God (as traditionally defined) does not exist.
Therefore either God (as traditionally defined) does not exist, or I don't exist, or neither of us do.

Which?

[I become We. Thus speak Pandora.]

What is better than Thanksgiving break, fair play or the Harvard comma?

Common courtesy: If it hasn’t moved in 48 hours, it is.

An n-player game based on luck will, if played infinitely, result in a win percentage of 1/n.
An n-player game based on skill will, if played infinitely, result in a win percentage of either 0 or 1.

RPS is a game of skill.

Perfection Dichotomy
As shown in a previous Away Message, if an object is given as either perfect or imperfect, then the state of the entire universe with respect to perfect becomes known.
Likewise, a perfect object cannot exist in the same universe as an imperfect object.
Consider God (as traditionally defined). God is defined as perfect.
Consider the Preamble to the Constitution. “More perfect” implies less than perfect, implies imperfect.

Therefore church and state are separate.

Was informed that there might be fraudulent activity occurring on my Sears Mastercard. The fact that I don't have a Sears Mastercard makes it seem even more likely.

The first 3 movies were good only because the books were good; however Harry Potter 4 is a good movie on its own merits. While it would have been nice if a few loose plots were resolved, such as Rita Skeeter and Karkaroff, despite being based on a lengthier original the film feels more complete. Nor was, despite worries, Moody as disappointing as Lupin.

For some reason I had thought the Goblet of Fire was the Triwizard Cup, but that appears to have been incorrect.

Dumbledore is a house-elf.
Dumbledore is a Death Eater.

Now we are 6.

Perfection Dichotomy
Define something perfect as something which is perfect.
Define something imperfect as something which is not perfect.
Define something perfect as having every aspect of it perfect.
Consider the universe. Either it is perfect and everything in it is perfect, or it is imperfect and everything in it is imperfect.
Thus either everything is perfect, or everything is imperfect.

Which?

“Ready? Let’s roll onto something new...”

Autumn won’t ever take the place of Spring.

[Not “No Doubt” and certainly not “Don’t Speak”.]

I’m sorry.

“Heaven ain't close in a place like this...”

Vertigo not being felt.

Perhaps it’s the worse the dance is, the better time I have, because of the higher relative of enjoyment. There are deeper heights to scale.

Common reorganization.

Suspicious of Whistlers
Tonight at 8pm
Brown 100
FREE

Three men can keep a secret if two of them are dead and the third gets assassinated on the Ides of March.

Latin fix.

“I can't change...”
Bittersweet Symphony shouldn’t have words.

However, it also shouldn’t be played for 20 seconds in an answering machine greeting, especially one that then continues with the “this is me/I’m not here/leave a message/press page or leave a callback number/beep”
“...from one day to the next...”

If you're reading this, you should be reading this.
(Yes, I know, you have to login. It's worth it.)

No cheese Gromit.

Classic declarations
[profile temporarily utilized for space]

You better put out for this.
“So that’s how Cat gets so many people interested in declaring Classics.”

“I really hate Paris.”
“I know! Who would choose love over power?”
“Uh, that’s not what I meant.”

“That was Paris Hilton.”
“Really?”
You probably didn’t recognize her with her clothes on.

Paris Hilton is worth a mass.

“I’m a Plato addict.”
No need to apologize.

“So there’s this thing this guy makes on the Internet which I read, and that was very vague but now I’m going to get more specific.”

“I keep a livejournal but instead of writing it down, I just act it out real-time.”

“I want people to do to me the things I do to them. No wait-“

40% chance of needing to wear something over a white t-shirt.

“Look at this shirt; isn’t it you?”
It might be, except, well… you know that dishtowel you have?

“I used to go to a different sex shop but I kept on running into my parents there.”

I’m still on ‘Chelsea doesn’t like Bare Naked Ladies’.

"The best date I had was at DelTaco; it was drive-through."

That’s it? Inari’s just rice in a shell? That’s like- hold on- like going on a date with a girl and going back to your room with her afterwards and kissing her... on the hand.
And isn’t Inari a character on Firefly?

I’m just racking my brains trying to think of someone...
“Worse off, or that you can get with?”
Ouch. But point.

I don’t care about him anymore; I’m worried about how you’re reacting. Like, did you have a drunken 1-night hookup?
You know I don’t drink! <pause> Okay, that was really funny.

What do you call a drunk ninja? A pirate.

Seriously, Cat better put out.
“She promised?”
See, I have this habit of making slightly tasteless jokes. And I'm a pathological liar. I still don't understand why people believe me.

Friends don’t let friends eat at Center Court alone.

The controversy of abortion seems like it has such an Alexandrian solution that I only doubt its effectiveness because it seems to have occurred to no one else. The disagreement stems from the fact that the Constitution is ambiguous: some point to a right to life, others point to liberty. A disagreement about Constitutional meaning can be resolved in one of 2 ways. Either by judicial fiat, resulting in the ridiculous politicizing and overdominance of the issue given to the Supreme Court. Or by constitutional convention, letting the people amend contradiction away.

So my solution: Have the pros draft their amendment, the antis theirs. In November let both be voted on. If either is enacted, the knot is cut. If neither, well, then the status quo is upheld and there is legitimacy for the judicial decisions, and worst case the issue is no worse off then before.

Of course it’s not that simple. But I don’t know why not.

“I’m more than a bird / I’m more than a plane...”

My new facebook photo has been taken, though it may be a bit before I replace the one currently up which just celebrated its anniversary. Am also trying to get the new facebook photoalbums working, which might involve the digital camera I finally got around to using.

“I’m only a man in a silly red sheet...”

The music sucked. Had to buy scalped counterfeit free tickets. Was cold outside and noisy inside. Found few other people I knew. Never got the gender ratio aligned properly. Hadn't danced for awhile; am a bad dancer anyway. The music *really* sucked. Everyone else wanted to leave early.

I had a wonderful time at Bauhaus.

"...I'm not gonna stand here and wait."

Team Emu took 2nd place with a final neg when the score was tied entering the last question. Which I can't help blaming myself for: my faulty scorekeeping, my bad guessing strategy, my last second blanking on a decent stab, plus the usual places where points could have earlier been picked up elsewhere, especially because I had not anticipated an opponent’s crazy buzzer speed.

But even with the worst case interpretation having me losing $40 on the final question, we still won $60. Besides, freshman upsets are tradition.

"Flying over the competition."

“If I go crazy then will you still / Call me...”

Clark Kent for a day, or two; or a year, or two; or a lifetime, or two; or henceforth. Phonemes of the same allophone; here let me hear being heard.

“I left my body lying somewhere / In the sands of time...”

“As a general rule, I’m against appeasement.”
I’ll give you that.

It’s probably for the best that the Cardinals lost in the NLCS. It would have been tragic to be the ones breaking curses in 2 consecutive World Series.

What’s a scone?
It’s like a muffin, but less cakey.
What’s the opposite of cakey?
Sconey.

Lost Newbie 128 for so many deserved reasons. Such as, despite ethical misgivings, my undertaking an admittedly risky strategy of sacrificing my fellow mafia through deliberate bad play, which wouldn’t have worked even if it hadn’t backfired from the town’s extreme lurking. Or ignoring my gut feeling and other ethical misgivings to kill a suspicious player rather than an unprotected cop. I’m not even upset about having kills prevented twice. Honestly, being lynched at the end wasn’t so bad, considering I felt I did all I really could that final day.

“This is the noise that keeps me awake / My head explodes and my body aches...”

2 midterms (plus a discussion session) today. Can’t get a song out of my head, can’t get material in.

“...We'll stay up all night...”

Kipling’s Cat in Rome- wall facing the door.
Escher- ceiling.
The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive- side of closet.
EmpTyger- ? (I have had numerous authorities cite alongside the door, but I am yet torn; there is a symbolism that directs me towards placing it by the bed and window.)
?- The large empty wall remains above my desk. (Something is needed there, if not an entire mural. Suggestions welcome.)

Singumore sopholar.
Imperfect seductress,
Pursuing a trivial
Message (subtext),

Telecommunicates,
Still with her many mates
Keeps up her streak- with a
Little black dress.

In the beginning God created grammar and language...
And amongst all the words God placed an adjective, and He formed this adjective making it suitable and superior, sound and excellent, honorable and reliable; it was able and bountiful, pleasant and benevolent, loyal and moral; it was beneficial to health, and attractive, and proper.
And God saw that it was Good.

(The evolving English language is not a product of intelligent design.)

Wilma leading to Greek.

(Apparently hurricant names only go through W; if there are more, they are named after Greek letters. This is not without symbolism.)

Since my cell phone service had begun to improve, naturally it was time for something appropriately destructive, such as Mobular’s display dying. The phone works otherwise, so communication is possible, if slightly trickier than previously.

Since I will be needing to get a new phone soon, if not a new service, what cell phone company do people have, and how good/bad are the service, customer and otherwise?

Svenson opening.

The Wash U A Team (tragically left unnamed; perhaps Gold to match the Wash U Green and Red of the B and C teams?) in my first performance on it went undefeated. The best of my 13 powers would have to be metaing “Valkerie” after only “In the video game Gauntlet, this character <buzz> wielded a sword”; though I must also must mention powering “Tolkien” given Oxford and Edith.

"Among her childrens books are Whangdoodle..."
<buzz> "Julie Andrews?"
"Correct."
"That was power, right?"
"No, you had to get it before Doodle."
"Actually, the cutoff was Whang."
Whang should never be the cutoff.

Even so, I regrettably could not match last year’s tastelessness even with the statue of the miner costumed as a crusader.

Amongst the coolest things ever would be a T-Rex on Segway.

I would like to remind Peter that following a performance the energy level is going to maintain its high; and that there if one looks hard enough, one can find humor in every situation; and that a troupe should, as a whole, collectively encourage the expression of humor; and that murder, torture, dismemberment, and sodomy are abhorrent and illegal practices; and that it was all Amy’s idea.

If I were forced to be doing EComp again, I would be doing a Pirate vs. Ninja research paper.

Suspicious of Whistlers will be at the St. Louis Science Center Friday evening. Transportation might be able to be provided- let me know as soon as possible if interested.

Philosophy *sucks*. This paper *sucks*. Well, that’s not true. This paper doesn't exist.
That's philosophical. Can something that does not exist suck?

Mario Kart and Mario Kart, and Princess is still the best. Let nostalgia come to Shanedling.

Too many possibilities, but still pure skill.

“It’s like Rock-Paper-Scissors, only it’s called Bear-Hunter-Ninja.”
Okay, but how does the ninja kill the hunter?
“It’s a fucking ninja!”
Okay, but how does the bear kill the ninja?
“It’s a fucking bear!”

[Delivery beats Decency. Sorry.]

Since commercial airlines will probably never allow smoking henceforth, it seems wasteful to have the “no-smoking” light next to the “fasten seatbelts” light. While the latter is a condition which will change over a flight, the former condition is constant; unlike, say, the usage of portable electronic devices. So, why not make that a light instead?

As I discovered on a flight last week, however, apparently USAirways beat me to the patent office. Moral victory, I suppose.

So I’m walking through the mall past a shoe store and a bright orange Converse catches my eye. So I have to go inside and inquire. And I discover that the only pair that color they carry is the one on display. Which happens to be in my size. And which happens to be 50% off.

I hereby declare the week of suck over.

About a week ago I indicated that this week would suck.
It still does.
It still is.

"O the cares of humans! O how much emptiness there is in things!"

I haven’t yet been to class this week and it still sucks.