Nuclear option.

I’m a short-term boy in a long-term world, except that sounds like a sleazy cheesy dating site blurb.

“Coin-operated boy…”

“You don't want to stop trying / You want me, well…”

The chin can be lifted up only so high. The pain in the neck is a pain in the neck.

“…Arms up, just dance / Arms out, just dance…”

Only you and I could take mangos this seriously.

Chicago tastes like a hopping brass quartet, with a side of goat and plantains.

"It's not like we're saving people's lives or anything. We're making cakes."

5 hour energy drink comes in a caffeine-free flavor.

“What's in a name (name: A word or string of characters that represents a cell, range of cells, formula, or constant value. Use easy-to-understand names, such as Products, to refer to hard to understand ranges, such as Sales!C20:C30.)? That which we call a cell range, function, constant, or table would tally and toil just as sweetly, methinks. But nay, don't take me at my word. Read what follows that is writ, to master all manner of names that befit. / Pray tell, what dost thou desire to do?”

What change from 2003 to 2007 to 2010 seems to be only nominal.

Bait and switch and switch.

We have telephones to make calls, not to tell people to call us.
This is before we realize that our parents are foolish.

“With all the demons I possess…”

Atop one summer peak, I made a ruckus or 2: part from curiosity, part from frustration. A few people above me heard, and they offered ignorance and sympathy. Years later, with the heights of the past forgotten, all I have of value are the harsh truths of reality slid down to; but I give them nonetheless as a comfort. And in return, I am played a random melody, only to discover that I already know the song.

Oh Balthazar Getty, you will always be the guy who looks like the guy who plays Laertes in that one version of Hamlet to me.

Lying is contagious, yes; but it is also hereditary.

“…Longing for a life / Beyond the silver moon…”

Saw Toy Story 3. The plot surprisingly is not simply a dichotomy of whether or not the protagonists will succeed. There are constantly obstacles to be overcome, but amidst that the characters must discover what success that success actually is. Preservation, archivation, public and private donation, and destruction are all put forth as options in response to obsolescence. But not only is the right option not predefined, but there may not be a single correct answer. And that is like finding a Bachelorette where a Disney Princess is expected: it is not simply awaiting a Prince Charming, but actively determining what even is charming. And then having that unexpectedly sophisticated plot within an as expected otherwisely superlative Pixar production.

It’s no surprise that we ended up as screwed up as we did. But consider how well we ended up. There are 2 of us and 1 of K[]: it could just has easily have been 2 of K[] and 1 of us.

Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being us.
Thank us for being us.

“Words of poisoned darts of pleasure…”

One of my guiltiest pleasures is lurking: listening with objective and undisturbing anonymity through the sociologically enormity that is online. Real life rarely is as transcendentally enlightening as the forum postings, blog responses, article comment sections, and wiki talk pages that people take energy to compose and time to read and reply to. Who are these people? What are they trying to do? Who does that? Why?

“I'm sorry, 68.82.154.130, but "your mom" is not a reliable source, or, at least, not a verifiable one.”

And every once in a while, some words are just a context away from pure hilarity. Some Onion editorials would write themselves.

“…This one is an easy one: feel the word and melt upon it…”

"The researchers, from four Italian universities, said they believed Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio died of sunstroke while weakened by syphilis."

Don't know what more proof is needed that Caravaggio was a vampire.

When I realize I'm not at the beach, I actually live here now.

Just when I thought I was getting used to this place, I realize that I got on a southbound Purple line instead of a northbound 20 minutes ago.

I really hate when the instinctively done good deed goes unrewarded. What choice, between unearned bonus and book-vending karma.

Somewhere there’s a copy of Upton Sinclair with a Time Traveler’s Wife DVD inside.

“History repeats itself…”

Saw Karate Kid, in which China is the new California, and middle school the new high school. The remake’s homages are weaker reflections of the classic’s memorable punchiness, but it is not the 80s; and the fact that it is a reflection is implicitly and explicitly acknowledged.

“…You’re the best / Around…”

Dear Internet,
These past 2 weeks we’ve gotten together at so many coffeeshops, and I’ve having a really good time with you. Just down the street I have a nice apartment. Why don’t you come over for a little bit. I think we could have a connection.

“Late Night Freak Show” may be a monster of it’s own creation; or it could just be the beard.

Today is apparently International Networking Day.
(…So why didn’t anyone tell me.)

Can’t or cantal.

I was going to send a fax to a job I’m not going to get for $7. Or I could buy cheese from the artisan bakery I passed on the way. I hope you’re proud of me.

A Brief Tour of Lakeview Tea Establishments.

Background music at a coffeeshop is like the commercial breaks you talk over. It's meaningless, but if it's not there, it's awkward. You're just silently staring at a blank screen. You need that ambience.

So I went first to Argo Tea. I'm about to pay for my order when I notice that there's a little sign that they only give 2hrs Wifi with purchase. And I'm like, really? And the guy's like, yeah. And I'm like, because I'm going to need more than that. (And, as I don't say, every place else in the world is unlimited.) And another guy snottily says, you can go to Starbucks if you want to pay $5. So I'm like, well okay then, bye.

“Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy…”

Woke up this morning, looked in my refrigerator, and realized was out of self-confidence. Yet like in Sliding Doors, it’s gratifying to have a realization which, no matter how differently done, would have nevertheless been realized at the same time in a completely different way.

“…Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here…”

Would probably have had a different perspective on “Hunting & Gathering” at a different point in my life, but I am where I am now, now.

“She moves through life as if it were a straight line.”

“1) BLEND the softened margarine*, rice milk**, and frosting mix at medium speed for 2 minutes, occasionally scraping the bowl.

* Substitute dairy free margarine or butter† according to your needs.
** Substitute plain soy milk or milk† according to your needs.
† Unless you are allergic to this ingredient.”

Step 1: Concoct a series of proclamations allegedly coming from divine authority.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Prophet!
Step 4: Realize with a quick google that your cleverness is unfortunately not original.

We have a linguistic disconnect. I can't date anyone who I am unable to explain to that I can’t date someone who would refer to dating as “having a girl”.

We had a metaphor together: it was a relationship that did not use the word “like”.

“I am (metaphor). / Actually, I’m (extended metaphor).”

Calypso discovered MirrorCat. They are not going to be BFFs any time soon.
She inherited that from me.
MirrorYou inherited that from MirrorHer.

What you see is what you get.

Walking across the street at 1am and buying orange juice makes one officially a resident of a city, officially defined as a place which has the Onion for free on street corners.