“A cello lying in its case…”

When running away to teach in Europe and be sheep farmers, take cello lessons at least for a month.

“…And she fights for her life as she goes in a store / With a thought she has caught by a thread…”

A sheep farmer is less formal than a shepherd. Shepherd has a doctorate; sheep farmer just has a BA in Sheep.

“…A winter melody she plays / The thunder makes her contemplate…”

Counting sheep, and then it’s time to wake.

“…And counting the change as she goes / Nobody knows…”

“Don't scream about / Don't think aloud…”

The pile of dirty dishes in my mind are drying.

“…December clouds are now covering me…”

There are 3 types of hotels: the Contemporary, the Polynesian, and the Grand Floridian.

“They come in ones and twozles…”

Aw. Lumpy.

I can tell this is my bag because it’s boxy.
I can tell this is my bag because it’s Lumpy.

Day 222
Human goes to Disneyworld.
Fish goes to Heaven.

So long, and thanks for all.

Current standings
1) Human
2) Cat

You know, technically this is the farthest apart we've ever lived.
Well, except for Rome.
Well, hm, fine.
Sorry.
That felt different. Because I was being at Wash U, around lots of people.
No, I know what you mean. I feel bad about the counterexample.
It feels farther when I'm by my onesies. Slash twosies.
Like, it's far apart technically on the x axis, yes, but it was closer on the y axis, or something.
Riiight right right right right right. Sorry. Once you get in the typing groove of a word it feels pretty cool. Because they're all nearby, on the keyboard, unlike us.

If anyone is trying to reach me, I’m being awesome for a week.

You know the type.
Times New Roman.

“This is my December…”
Holiday, bonus.
“…This is my snow-covered home…”
Inclement, weather.
“…This is me alone…”
Delivered, pizza.
“…Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed…”
Massage, the truth.
“…Take back all the things I said…”
Rebook, flight.
“…And I gave it all away / Just to have somewhere to go to…”
The keys, to it all.
“…This is me pretending / This is all I need…”

“It's time to be so brutally honest about the way we know we long for something fine
when we pine…”

There is a wonderful moment when “What music do you like?” is realized to be conversational, not confrontational.

“…It's laid out before us / Who are we to break down…”

Judgment need not be judgmental.

“…And we try / It's too easy just to fall apart…”

On some cold long work-filled winter days, all I really need is a small gift, the merest token, a little sign. One that reads “Do not use microwave while space heater is on”.

[Though I could also use a catsitter for 12/20-12/25. Let me know if available.]

Even though the bookstore had won its independence, the subcorporation had one final nasty surprise in store. The employees returned from court to find their entire receiving department in shambles. For the subcorporation had voided all existing orders as they left. There was only one box of bestsellers in the entire store, only enough bestsellers to meet 1 day’s demand. And it would take 8 business days before a new shipment of bestsellers would arrive.

The Story of Chanukkah as Told by One Bookstore Employee to Another

But another miracle occurred. Somehow the supply of bestsellers grew to meet the full 8 days’ demand, without any loss in sales.

140 characters is just long enough to say nothing.

The 5 most unhealthy words of any relationship are: stop with the conspiracy theories.

A holiday miracle: the oil runs out, but there is just enough left to finish the batch of sufganiyot.

“On the first day…”

7 more days to dance like flickering candle flames, with songs sung to unknown melodies, music accompanying an anonymous voice of experience being cast into the air, around which leaves fall.

You can’t do that on a math test, put the answer is not 6.
Yeah, if you do, you’ll get a not 100.
And then you get into not college.

Not how it should work.

If our life were a TV show, the producers would come over to tell us to stop saying that we’d be so funny if we were on a TV show.

“I simply must go / But baby, it’s cold outside…”

When it’s great to come home from work to a space heater is when it’s hard to bring a space heater home from work.

“…The answer is no / But baby, it’s cold outside…”

Take your pie to work day.

Enough people complained about discrimination so it became take your dessert to work day.

“Did you just write ‘comprised of’? Because I guarantee you meant ‘composed of’. I mean, I guarantee it.”
Did you just write “composed of”? Because I guarantee you meant “composed of”. I mean, I guarantee it. (Which is technically even still valid.)

The only way to make an awkward situation more awkward is to acknowledge it.

There are shredder people, and there are copier people. And I think you’re a shredder, except my mind just Scrubs-tangented into you being a TMNT villain.

Medical show.

The new Scrubs takes place in a teaching hospital. And there's a character that Dr. Cox only calls by number. And another character with an exaggerated Australian accent.
Hubs, or Scrouse?

“When it's over, then I cheer / I'm glad it's only once a year…“

I like listening to Christmas songs only in months that don’t start with D.
(One day in, already sick.)

“…I hate Christmas…”

(Hot + bubble) x (teas + baths)

Things to be thankful for.

[What a Person at a Thanksgiving Table Wouldn’t Say]

Helen Keller : Apples to Apples :: Tyrannosaurus Rex :: Jewish Apples to Apples

When you’re composing your analogies, do you ever wonder whether to do abcd or acbd?
I always wonder that. I’m not just making fun of you.

laguja
the human body is sacred

Saw Pirate Radio. The futility of trying to legislate taste by anything other than direct expression of preference wedges music within the morality and practicaliy of property, the futility of and the desire for containment. And yet, the conflict is juxtaposed with a Truman Showlike ensemble voyeurism, with music merely an accompanying melody, love and freedom to a syncopated jig. Yo, ho, ho.

Woman Key
The Bombing Begins in Five Minutes

Hyperzen.

Around Which Leaves Fall
This wasn’t supposed to be an Away Message. It was to be an IM, or an e-mail, or a monologue. But IMs require the audience to not log off in the pause between the last letter of my last word and the enter key. E-mails- with that Christmas morning of finding a present under the tree, having a subject line, a movie trailer that hypes interest, demanding that the message live up the promised premise- e-mails require investment of a reader, who must bate their breath and click to open. Monologues require enough shame to read a script, enough trust to give a script over to an alien performer.

There are so many media, all of them different: e-mails, mass e-mails, IMs, texts, phone, voicemail, facebook, basement. But sometimes the timing just doesn't fit, the medium just doesn't match. It's a shame about the message, but there's nothing to do, except acknowledge and accept it.

I think I like this message after all. Enough to give it an evocative title and cast it into the air, into whatever medium may receive my words, around which leaves fall.

Before they even know how to take turns and stop squirming, they know how to open apps, snap pictures, load slideshows. The iPhone may be instinctive to use, and yet that is not the inclination of humanity.

They're not used to dealing with adults. I want to just sit them down.

Travel, adventure, enchiladas, opportunities, free food, kind words.
There are enough awesome things that I’m not even upset about the $50.

All I ask is for undeniable proof.

“Something in the way…”

“I don’t want to do something” and “I can’t do something” are 2 different things.
Unless “something” is “what I can’t do”.

“…Stick around, and it may show / But I don't know, I don't know…”

Thinking about something.

“…You know I believe, and how…”

“Pillowman” descends vertigo-inducingly from a set, as unbalancing as its characters, both too humored and too real for a dark comedy. Combined with an inevitability reminiscient of “Postman Never Rings Twice” and “Dead Like Me”, intermission wonders how the play could ever be viewed completely through, much less multiple times, until after it’s over the wonder of the horror is not only accepted, but understood.

“I’m busy. Whatever. Heck yes, just let me know when!”

Formidable proponent.

The gift which keeps on being ungiven.

“Let me take a picture of you 2.”
Because I didn’t date you.
“What? We never dated.”
Right. I never took you out for dinner 3 times. I didn’t bring you red roses when you were stressed. I didn’t cook you any special dinner last week to show how much I love you.
“I don’t get your jokes.”
No, you never did.
<finally smiling> "I’ll see you around.”
No, you won’t.

What unexpectedly encountering the past, what does one say? Perhaps direct metaacknowledgement: "Hello, Past, I'm afraid I don't quite know what to say to you." Perhaps introduce to the future: "Past, this is Future. Future, this is Past. I'm sure you have lots of things in common that you'd love to talk about." And then they can go off together into another room, leaving one alone.

“How did it go?” does not ask “How will it go?”. It is either good or bad. It is not fair to it to assign optimism or pessimism to it. For the past is the past, the future is the future, and the burden of one should not fall upon the other.

Fun Theory
Something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people’s behaviour for the better.

“What would you think if…”

Unconditional.

“…I’m going to try with a little help from my friends…”

“Mystery of Edwin Drood” is satisfying because one can walk into it knowing exactly how it will end, even if Dickens didn’t. Our mutual friend S[] was obviously the killer.

“It’s never the person who you most suspect or the person you least suspect. It’s the person I most medium suspect.”

“And the anchorperson on TV goes…”

Wish war telegrams could positively report on progress but fear they all end STOP

“…La di da, di da, di da di da di da…”

You never read the e-mails I never sent.

“First you put 4 Roman numerals in a row, the next thing you know, there’s no dress code.”

Making it count.

*No* need for madlibs.

I'm still on poor nutella-covered Calypso in my mind. She's very confused in a disgrunted kind of way. Unnutella-covered Calypso on my futon is simply yawning fatly and unbaldly.

Blintz with nutella is, on a scale from pepperoni to pretzels, a 7.

I feel kind of cactus right now. :\ And I don't want to be cactus.
Is this like when Maebe got alligators in spelling? What is cactus?
Like, spiky and offputting, with a little bit of Dad.

Hey, what are you doing tnoight around 6 your time?
Opening my front door to find you perched at the doorstop? No wait…
Good answer, haha, but wrong.
…Getting Casa Dilla with you.

The shock of discovery from forgetting that someone is still around is as strong as the shock of discovery from realizing that actually they no longer are.

Sleep deprivation is a great narcotic. It puts you to sleep.

Trade Meet

(  )  Price Correct!
(  )  Needs Second Pass
(  )  Not Found

I am a person with an iPhone with an iPhone.

“Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated…”

The RAZR is of elegance. Between the basic blocky, pre-flip Nokias and the app-filled hybrid iPhones lived a slender, compact, complete device, culminating the gap between advanced and obsolete.

Elegance is such a simple request.
Even simple can fail.

“…You fall and you crawl and you break…”

Frosted Cheerios come from rude Londoners.

“We introduce a basic model for zombie infection, determine equilibria and their stability, and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions.”

There’s a reason why zombies need brains.

Don't painstakingly neatly write out the entire cast and script of a movie on the DVD beautifully until you've successfully burned it.
That resonates with the modern audience better than don't count your chickens before they hatch. My chickens don't hatch. They are grilled or breaded.
Yesterday I was hardboiling some eggs. And you know that noise of air squeaking by things?
I might know that noise, but we are not on a first name basis.
So like, they were boiling, but there maybe was like an infinitesimal crack in one, which did no damage, but the sound of the weensy amount of air escaping, it sounded chickenly. Which was sad sounding, but I'm pretty sure it was just air. Insofar as if a chick were inside, he wouldn't have just sat there silently during the fridge stage.
Oh, poor little confused refrigerator chick.

“I’ve had my fun, and now it’s time to…”

No rhyme.

“…We’d circle and we'd circle and we'd circle to stop and consider…”

No reason.

“…I've got my spine, I've got my orange…”

Too much light makes the baby go blind as a bat.

I’m using a person day.
[personal]
“No, please leave it at person day.”
[person]

I need to have personal days and brunch more often.

Today I didn't send you a link. It's pretty straightforward coolness. I figure you prefer clever sly coolness.
I had brunch today. That was straightforwardly cool. Actually, it was cleverly slyly cool also. It was 2 kinds of cool.
Sweet deal.

Gods eat ambrosia; the rest of us have brunch.
[Drop by my apartment 11:30am-1:30pm.]

"R[]'s arguments never have a hole in the middle of them" bagels.

"The philosophical question 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg' is so beneath R[]'s genius that any allusion to the question is an insult" omelets.

"To promote world peace, R[] respects all religions equally, including their dietary restrictions" bacon.

"R[] is not flaky” croissants.

"2% implies imperfection, and R[] is perfect in every way" milk.

"Out of solidarity with oppressed peoples everywhere, R[] will not tolerate the symbolic injustice of fruit squeezed against its will" orange juice.

The long and short of it.

Lobsters have teeth in their stomach.

“To a lobster, taste and digestion are the same process; savoring is the same as sustaining.”

When life hands you lemons, take 2 and stuff your pockets with Rice Krispy Treats and pretzel Goldfish.

“What happened to your arm?”
“I broke my collarbone.”
Have we learned nothing?
“I’m sorry, I was in a Mexican pinata fight.”

All that, and a bag of chips I left 3 weeks ago next to 2 bible mix CDs and the 23rd volume of the 1985 Encyclopedia Britannica.

“You know B[]? He stepped on my face.”
You get it.

“Where were you and E[] on the 24 of November, 1946?”
I don't know E[]'s whereabouts *now*, much less 60+ years ago.
“So you don't have an alibi.”
Well, technically, I just can't provide him with one. I've reserving 5th amendment in my own case.
“Rumor has it that both you and E[] have been involved in a rash of murders, mostly at night, as well as participating in quite a bit of lynching.”
Oh, that's a fun rumor. Who told you that?
“I didn't think this silliness out any further than this.”
Well, technically, neither had I, now had I.

Up to scratch.

I still reel, still feel sick:
Still seeking trick
I raise my head: Instead of *click*
There’s still a wall of brick.

“And every single day is just a fling…”

Adventure is harder than it looks.

“…Just in time / Thank anybody…”

I need either an insomnia buddy or sleep.

“…Then the morning comes…”

Ragtime is an American Les Miserables.

“I can feel: too much is never enough…”

The problem with taught essay writing: either the quotes are fake and contrived, or the ideas aren’t one’s own.

“…I don’t deserve you unless it’s some kind of hidden message…”

Whither the 4th grade butterfly presentation?

“…The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance…”

Whence the butterfly?

“…You’re my butterfly…”

So I was reading the ingredients of British Sudafed and that's too hilarious a clause for me to finish this sentence. Sorry. Give me a second.

Amaizement.

There’s a fine line between hobby and profession.

OCTOBER is National Recycling Month*

CAN RECYCLE
White and colored paper
Staples, paper clips, sticky sides, plastic windows
Newsprint and magazines
Cardboard

CAN’T RECYCLE
Hardbound books
Tissue paper
Napkins
Lobsters

*Actually, it’s April. But you wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t told you just now.

I remember this place.

I had a Florence/Chrono Trigger crossover dream. I got lost because Florence was a bunch of escalators, and some of them were time traveling.

“I’m punching my card / Eight hours, for what / Oh tell, me what I got…”

Not here, but hear.

“…You can fly if you'd only cut / Loose, footloose / Kick off your Sunday shoes…”

Not wear, but where.

“…Burning, yearning for / Somebody to tell you / That life ain't passing you by…”

Not moral, but morale.

“…C'mon before we crack / Lose your blues / Everybody cut footloose…”

Egg drop soup is very us.
And George Clooney.

Dropping by.

Some times, some things, work.

“Up in the morning at six o'clock…”
Will be a long day
“…Day after day / Slaving away…”
Work too hard.
“…Count the hours, minutes too…”
Hard times.
“…Same complications…”
Time to go.
“…Nowhere to run to…”
Go to work.
“…I miss the feeling / Having fun…”
Has been a long time.
“…Friday night…”

Gutentag is trying so hard to be a palindrome, but just can’t quite make it.

“Hypocrisy is the other name for diplomacy.”

Getting along.

Can Calypso come over also?”
It could be apocalyptic.”
hm Eh, let’s go for it.
“I believe that’s what Truman said when he decided to drop the bomb.”

Fat Cat and Little Kitten.

Put us down for 2. Which is also what Truman said when he decided to drop the bomb.

“I’m so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears…”

Too young to feel too old.
Too old to feel too young.

“…Presence still lingers here, and it won’t leave…”

Never the wrong age for free pizza.

“…There’s just too much that time cannot erase…”

I don’t want to buy resume paper, he said, passing by a window. I want to buy a giant stuffed tiger.
Greatest text ever.

Suit up.

(Wait for it.)

More than sleeping/less than sleeping with.

(Preposition proposition.)

“Hate me today…”

Hate is just strongly disagreeing with a creative decision.

“…For all the things I didn’t do…”

I would have liked the 6th season of House to have focused on mental diagnosis rather than physical diagnosis, but I would also have liked the 5th season of House to have been called Hotel.

Cameron : Chase : Foreman :: ethical : practical : skeptical

A math minor demonstrates intelligence, by proving that you’re smart enough not to get a math major.

As soon as the play ended, 4 freshmen guys turned to a freshman girl sitting by them and proceded to use her plaid jacket as a visual aid for their discussion of en passant and otherwise ignore her.

Two characters in search of a mate.

“One thing I wasn’t quite sure about: what was the significance of the man who entered and asked, ‘Is this the Hotch?’?”

Take take make make.

Here goes nothing.

Scientific research data should more often receive extreme outliers of giant squid. And not just scientific research data.

"I was putting the groceries away, and I realized I picked up a bag with a giant squid in it by mistake."
"The car in front of me stopped short, and I got rear-ended by a giant squid."
"I had saved some leftover pepperoni pizza for lunch, but a giant squid ate it."

You : Sims :: Me : Milk tea

“OOGA chacka OOGA OOGA…”

I felt sort of embarrassed because normal people are seeing their baby, and all excited. But I was seriously teeming with enthusiasm over my kidney.
Aw, you should give birth to a baby spleen!
I tried to restrain myself. It was pretty sweet. They move a lot, like jello beans.
lol In my mind it's like the Ally McBeal dancing baby, only a dancing spleen.

“…Keep it up, girl…”

Went to Disneyworld and lawschool, unzeugmatically.

Which makes me fuzzy. The teddy-bear kind, not the too-much-benadryl kind.

Some days it’s good to remember not to burn bridges. That may be the only good part of today.

Prop up.

You sound sad. Turn on Fox right now: there’s a show with Victor Garber and Jessalyn Gilsig.
Right answer.
I know, right.
It doesn’t just have Victor Garber. It has and Victor Garber.

Our power is to hate
Ourselves and fate,
Unfolding untold, so we wait
Dazed in our aimless state.

Sars : wiki :: BP : DVD

Out of the frying pan into the fire.

Steep fall.

Saw 9. I wanted to play in that world, where heavy and numerological symbolism is what it means to be human.

        
          

Like movies seen a long time ago, the concept is remembered but not the details.

“What you were saying about postmodernism, deconstruction, and the overabundance of entertainment option, it got me to thinking: that opening to Ghostbusters, when all the cards fly out of the catalog. How’d you do that?”

Dream pets die if one’s real self doesn’t feed them.

I don't have a set, but pre-orientations start soon. We find 30 incoming freshmen, tell them they're doing an icebreaker, and take them to a parking lot with 2 adjacent rows of 12 empty spots. (Title: "Welcome to College". Alt-text: "Ultimate frisbee was created when two Columbia upperclassman wanted to play tiddly-winks.")

Blot it out.

“I’m not feeling alright today…”
Wish could basement, though no right to rant.
“…Take you out to lunch / Now / I just want to play…”
Know the answer to this problem.
“…I don’t want to go to sunset strip / I don’t want to feel the emptiness…”
Even so, it should not be this hard.
“…Sheep go to heaven / Goats go to hell…”

Thai pizza : Loop :: Crepes : CWE

“We are young / Heartache to heartache we stand…”

One should know why one fights, even if not what for.

“We were chosen for our youth, our stamina, and our inability to say no.”

All I did was that one word, so all I am is that one word.

What is a Chevy, a levee? It could be anything. A was brought to B, but B was C. But, more than that, Chevy rhymes with levee. Chevy and levee belong together. It is disappointing to find that, instead of them being together, levee runs off with dry. It is not known why dry is bad, but it is, and it doesn't matter. There’d be just as much disappointment if it were told that the levee were wet. The Chevy is important, until the levee is heard of, and then the Chevy is forgotten.

Words are just words, even if they sound good.

I guess it doesn't make complete nonsense. Effort does get rewarded; it's not only about results. If the results were out of my control, then why should that be held against me? But, it feels wrong. Because it feels right, and that's not the way the world should work.

Thoughts on integrity.

Let today’s lesson be: don’t be parmesan cheese.

The best things in life are free, but there are some things I’d pay for.

I’ll give you Sudetenland, but I draw the line at Poland. And by at I mean through.

Bait and switch.

“Working like a dog for the boss man / Working for the company…”

SimTower, while not receiving the recognition of its prominent kindred, nevertheless stokes the memories of childhood. For the many ways which it is deficient to SimCity and The Sims do not diminish the simplistic wonder of wandered stairwells, ascended elevators, and kaleidiscopal urban escapism.

“…Really need a girl like an open book / To read between the lines…”

I just had a yellow sim, but I am neither awesome nor modest enough to comment.

“…Love in an elevator…”

Don’t let education get in the way of learning.

Unlock learning.

“We learn one thing from history: it makes us sad.”

Too old for some things.

“Please bring your final registers to your purchases at this time.”

I can sniff out free pizza in 4 dimensions.

Unlocking lines.

“…and nothing since H[] ended…”
H[]?
<smugly> “Oh, did you not know about H[]?”
No, I knew about you and H[],but I was feigning that I didn’t know what you hadn’t yet told me for the sake of seeing what stories you’d finally decide to tell me.
<laughter replaced by shock replaced by admiration> “For that, I’m paying for dinner.”

It’s like how in movies or TV shows, everything happens at the same time.

There’s a skill to making pancakes. I lack it. It’s almost comical.
One of my deepest secrets- this is up there with that and that and that- is that I don’t know how to make pancakes. Not so much don’t know how, but never have.

Except without the incredulity of coincidence.

“One day I will make perfect pancakes. And they will be good.”
Not only is that a great sentiment, but suddenly the past 2 hours make sense. Well, to me at least. You might be still confused, but if you have 2 out of 3 of {K[], good pancakes, inevitable hangovers} I think you'll be alright.

Let me text this burning secret so we can trade numbers.
“I might have already I given you mine?”
<checks> Yep. Well, here’s mine. <dials the already given number>
“<puzzled by phone not ringing>”
“Hello?”
Well, this is interesting. See, I met this funny cute girl, and apparently she gave me a phony number. What a bitch.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
<hangs up> Looks like you transposed 2 digits.

Phonicus Rex meets Answerusaurus.

It’s a sun-loving fungus that can throw itself over a cow.

“Turn me on…”
I don’t know what I want, and I know what I don’t want.
I document the changes, and change the documentation.
I demonstrate the moves, and move the demonstration.
“…And turn me up…”
I go everywhere.
I do everything.
I live forever.
“…And turn me loose…”
I live in the rush.
I am a whirlwind.
I have a empty house at the corner of today and the past.
“…I am alive…”
I never grow old.
I never grow young.
I want to move.

“Smoothed over like milk…”

Foiled again.

“…Seeing only what was bad / When you tried to feed me…”

hey!!
Hey! (1 !)
1?!
Okay, I'll give you another ! Hey!!
Ohhhh. I couldn't tell what the ! referred to.
The ! referred to a !. It was not a pronounial !.

!

!!!! (in case of emergency)
heh I'll keep them in my pocket.

Serpents twist in biblical gardens, snakes around mystics’ staffs. The human eye sees the spindling strands and cannot comprehend the nature of the aberration before it, limbless wonder terrifyingly fascinating. The seeking of dimensional variance gets jarringly halted by a unidimensional monster. There is no body, no identification, no point of reference once the middle is grabbed, perhaps an inch from the end or perhaps to continue tortuously into labyrinthine coils, a predatory trail that might culminate in a tail, or a venomously fanged head, or simply extend into infinity.

I hate measuring spaghetti portions.

It starts with a b and ends with a q and has an archarts in the in the middle.

Visiting W[] is a lot like going to GenCon, in that it will be fun and I can’t do it this weekend.

Mums the word.

I’m feeling *confrontational*.

Clock in, lock out.

She realized she was trying to put circles into squares, and I was neither.

Saw $9.99, an Israeli/Australian claymation, none of which involve the movie’s essence. In a way that needs no discussion of why, the movie is good. Ending precisely at the scene when I hoped it would certainly counts as an identifiable facet.

Free kittens almost sounds like a good idea.

Tax e-service.

It’s a cross between Labor Day and Christmas.

Cereal Mexican Schnucks visual zeugma.

[I think I may like, almost as much as what this identifies, how 5 seemingly unrelated bizarrely random words indeed does identify something.]

Birthday wall posters are an interestingly accurate subsection.

“I want to run / I want to hide…”

Instructing someone to meet at the walnut tree, becomes at the street of the Walnut, becomes on Walnut Street. But then the entire process evolves: the location becomes the famous person who was once there, becomes some person who gave money, becomes some guy to be honored for some unrelated reason. Names beget names. Numbers become cardinal, not ordinal. Words are chosen out of Scottish mists, just as forgotten.

“…Where the streets have no name…”

My 8 year old heart wanted an elephant. It still does. And still might be 8 years old.
The elephant? It grew along with you?
hm I wonder if the elephant is still 8 years old, or whether it’s… <doing math> Oh, this is embarrassing. I'm trying to figure out how old an 8 year old elephant when I was 8 years old would be today. And then I realized, after trying to do some math, it would be my age. And then I still didn't know how old that was.

Regenerate: the older and younger I get, the younger and older I become.

“Will you be my Facebook boyfriend? Sent from my iPhone.”
You have an iPhone? And by ‘You’ I mean ‘Your brother’. And by ‘have’ I mean ‘has’. And by ‘an’ I mean ‘your’. And by ‘?’ I mean ‘.’.

The trip was made in the first 2 hours, with frogwalking.

We’ve made the life of frog one step better.
…One giant leap for frogkind?

Fresh seafood and good cards. The only thing missing is a laundry-folding/Dr. Horrible-watching party.

2 roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I wonder why I say they don’t converge.

We should hang out soon.

We should hang out soon.

“The hot summer night fell like a net / I've got to find…”

I’d been unsuccessfully wanting to rewatch this for over 10 years, the initial burst that surged forth into fandom that ebbed into nostalgic despair about how it used to be.

“…I've got it bad, and I've got it good…”

A well written TV show is like life.
Life is like a badly written TV show.

It’s the way it should be.

“…Doctor, doctor, give me the news / I’ve got a bad case of loving you…”

I’m not surprised that they didn’t learn anything from the impromptu Chinese carry-out picnic.
I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t even learn that it’s okay to take carry-out to a picnic.

Don't even ask about the tuna night.
That's not fair.
Thank you. That conclusion is never reached on one's own here.
How can you allude to something called the tuna night and say I can't ask about it?

Renegade

I instinctively reject the expression cornball, only because I hear it a noun, not an adjective; the expression corny is used instead for that purpose. Yet on exploration, it appears that the y and ball phonemes may be equivalent: why not basey, footy, or rugball?

I think I draw the line at Danball.

“IMPORTANT NOTICE REGARDING YOUR LSAC ACCOUNT:
Starting in 2010, the US Department of Education will be requiring significant changes in the way educational institutions collect and report race/ethnicity data. Accordingly, on July 19, 2009, LSAC changed the race/ethnicity designation in your LSAC account. Your previously reported ethnicity, Caucasian/White, has been changed to the subcategory Other Caucasian/White under the category Caucasian/White. Please log in to your LSAC account to view/update your race/ethnicity designation. Additional categories have been added, and you may select multiple categories.”

A matter of importance.

I believe an error has been made. Depsite reading this notice several times, I cannot find anything which comes close to being important.

Honorary engineer.

“You belong to the gang / And you say you can't break away / But I'm here…”

This is an allegory, but I really wish it were a song lyric.

There is a country where the people are starving and miserable. They dream of emigration and refuge. An adviser goes to inform the government of the people's misery and flight, but the goverment will only repeat, "Not so! We really love the people, and we do everything for their best! You may spin it your way, but in fact the country thrives.".

The meats and cheeses I had gotten used to were not in the same places, this place I had gotten used to had changed. And yet...

Thinking back on it now, it does feel a little surreal.

Tonight, taking cat litter out to the dumpster behind my apartment, I pass by 2 people, late-20s neighbors who I'd never met before, who are sprawled out on blankets in the backyard. And by way of unnecessary apology for invading my lawn, they invite me to join them, for they are about to start playing Clue. And with another joining us, the 4 of us play until midnight.

I feel so disillusioned. It’s because we never had the there’s no Santa Claus moment.

Ironic twist.

So what is it?
It’s a you’re weak, get over it.

And that’s the way it was.

Let’s see how this goes.

You got it wrong: "That author uses 'mistake' in line 4."
You mean: "That author uses 'mistake' in line 4 of this Away Message."

“Did you know when you go…”

Mistakes were made.

That should totally be a literary device, the mistake: That author made a mistake in line 4.

According to google, I invented artichoke lo mein.

Alae Desidiosae Dannii.

Key to snarky commentary
*[My oven is really weak]*
**[Optional steps for the lazy-impaired]**
I may translate this into Latin at some point.

Hi, my name is 5:55, but my friends call me 6.

About time.

Catalog Theory
If it’s the first thing one says but part of nothing after that, the opposite is meant.

It’s like looking at a Monet in grayscale.

“Goes cruising just as fast as she can now…”

Life is like playing whack-a-mole, with pesky issues popping up, needing to be beaten down, but too fast and too spread out to all be covered without being overwhelmed.

“…But you can come along with me / ‘Cause we got a lot of things to do now…”

Whack-a-mole is a game.
I’m going to have fun.

“…Fun, fun, fun / ‘Til her daddy takes the T-Bird away…”

While I seemed to have missed out on celebrating National Why Is 6 Afraid of 7 Day, at least I’ll be able to celebrate International Why Is 6 Afraid of 7 Day in just under a month.

I feel naked without a watch.

Inhibition.

I suppose it could be a wedge from a rice krispie treat wheel, but that still begs the question.

As much as I love being bribed with food, even doorstop/rice krispie treats, it feels jarring to have the traditional restaurant business model warped by giving people free food to leave, even though there’s nothing fallacious given the double negation.

“They get along much better now that she’s her ex-mother-in-law.”

“You’re really brilliant. But you’re always going to have the problem of people not getting you.”

I hate irrevocability.

Our wall-to-wall, it does not do us justice.

There’s nothing more disappointing than a disappointing smoothie.

Sitch: L[]’s rambling
(   ) Watch YouTube clips that L[]’s rambling about
(   ) Watch the Fountain
(   ) Jump in the fountain

It’s hard to walk down a road when one starts realizing what lies parallel.

To the worm, the crow is so considerate to announce its hostile intention rather than cawlessly killing.

Not only do we not speak crow, we don’t speak worm.

“I know this room / I've walked this floor…”

Recognition.

“…I did my best / It wasn't much…”

There is a danger in superlativity becoming so accustomed that it is mistaken for ordinary.

“…I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch…”

Apologies are used as much for what couldn’t happen as for what wasn’t done.

“…I've told the truth / I didn't come…”

Praised be.

“…Hallelujah…”

“Still we're often told, seek and ye shall find…”

I need to run something by someone before I do something. And you’re my someone.

“…Someone to watch over me…”

“I could have spread my wings…”

Tastes like chicken.

“…A thousand things / I’ve never done before…”

Day 40
Michael Jackson dies.
Farrah Fawcett dies.
Mouse dies.

3’s company.

Current standings
1) Fish
2) Cat
3) Human

A wise woman once said, friendships have a lifespan.

I’ll take my free pen now.

“The rush of being home in rapid fading…”

The caveman, first discovering the adjective, realized that instead of saying “Sky bluething.” or “Man tallthing.”, they could say “Sky blue.” and “Man tall.”.

“…Waiting for the light to come back, / But hid in talk I knew…”

Imagine their wonder when they discovered verbs.

“…A wise man's tools are analogies and puzzles…”

“I saw the sign…”

I may have inadvertently hastened the resolution of the Iranian Electoral Crisis.

Signed,
Sign

“Startin’ with some laughs / Usually endin’ in a fight…”

Ludi.

“…Teachers ask questions / She makin’ up excuses…”

Ludi.

“…Livin’ for today and not tomorrow’s satisfaction…”

Ludicrous.

Out of gas.

11 quarters and no more.

Sorry, I’m on a bus.
“I just almost got run over by a bus.”
I hope it’s not the same bus. That would be awfully ironic.
“Mine was in Chicago.”
Inconveniently, the Green Line doesn’t go to Chicago. At least, not that I know of.

1) New Zealand... interesting...
2) Lying contest! omgwant
3) ...in Montana? boo bait-and-switch what happened to NZ?
4) ...at a folk festival in Montana? ughwhy
5) ew I'm actually visiting that link. It has music. I can't find the mute button makeitstop
6) Wait a second... there's no lying festival here...
7) ...nor or the AP website...
8) Wow. That's brilliant. Win.

Good prose is poetry.
Free verse is prose.

Can God create a rock so big he can’t cover it with paper?

“Based on my recollection of my Bible study (and my own personal inclinations), I probably would have agreed with you as a Christian.”
I'll have to tell my rabbi I got a convert.

“See how they smile / Like pigs in a sty…”

It’s the little things in life which make one :)

“…I am the (:3= / Goo goo g’joob…”

Day 23
Cat is acrophobic.
Mouse self-mutilates.
Fish has delusions of grandeur.

Insanity is relative.

Current standings
1) Human
2) Fish
3) Cat
4) Mouse

Whenever life closes a door, God opens a window and Satan leaves the AC running.

Waiter, can I please speak to the manager? These dishes are very confusing.
I'm sorry, we only have there's a fly in your soup.

“Family’s not going to like…”
I am a parent/I have a child
*I am a child/*I have a parent
“…But no one’s keeping score…”
I learned at a young age that if I didn’t lie, they’d take away my fun and games.
“…Don’t think I’ll tell you ‘bout the secret to victory…”
Communication must to better understand others, not to understand how to better get others to understand you.
“…Everyone should know more…”
I won’t translate. If they need me, they know how to reach me.
”…C4 in my pocket…”
My elbow awaits you.

“A sound like a tiger thrashing in the water…”

Ambition takes time.

“…It feels like a hundred years…”

I'll get back to you as soon as I don't have work or insomnia or a stomachache.

Richard 3. And yes, and yes.
Okay those yeses could correspond to anything, but okay, lol.
lol Pick your favorite 2.

Elephailure.

I'm disappointed in myself it took so long.

A[] was high-energy fretting about something at work, albeit harmlessly. I was like, it's okay, don't worry about it. She was like, no, I need to do this. I was like, okay, you can worry about it. She actually got it. I was impressed.

Reappraise the situation: past, future, present.

I think the teacher I used to want to be is my isolated soulmate.
No, no. It's not.
It scares me.
Worry not.
Oh, okay. It doesn't scare me.
<smiles>

I need to do laundry, so I won’t.

Sorry- and this is the least good excuse ever- I decided to cut off the legs of a pair of pants.
Are you kidding? That's an awesome excuse.
I just saw myself as like Van Gogh, artist who has to cut off his own ear. only one day got up, saw it was raining, didn't want to get pants wet, and after struggling with wardrobe for forty minutes, cut off the legs of her pants.

“I told R[] the truth.”
What was the occasion, or, it’s Wednesday?
“It’s Wednesday.”

“Who’s M[]?”
James Bond[]’s boss.

Preserving identification and anonymity is a delicate balance between generality and specificity. What does not depend on the individual can be abstracted to a generic first, second, and third persons. Those who heard can listen to the shoutout; the rest will substutite curiosity for vanity.

I’m pro-asking.
It’s like pro-choice.

If you ever need to show up on my doorstep, you don't even need to ask.

“Was it you I got into a discussion about Mounds/Almond Joy ads with?”
Maybe?
“And I didn't believe you that there was a part after the “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't” bit. And you said there was.”
And I wikied it to proved you wrong?
“And I didn't believe you?”
Yes.
“So I just youtubed an ad. Congratulations, you were right. But it sounds ridiculous. “Mounds don't.” What kind of lyric is that?”
Spondaic.
“Oh, also, because my brother is having an existential crisis: Care to explain the difference between Michael Jackson and Keira Knightley? Apparently N[] can't figure it out.”
Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

Stressed stressed / long long

“Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place / You could tell how we felt…”

Seeing people who you’ve just seen, haven’t seen in too long, and just met.
Playing games you play well, are out of practice of, and just learned.
Doing what you always do, used to do, and then something completely new.

“…We were spinning in circles…”

There’s a critical difference between having too much to do and having not the time to do it.

“…We forgot where we were, and we lost track of time…”

What happened last night?
Morning began.

“…And we danced on into the night…”

Needs more ‘l’.

That’s really soid.

Start & Steak & Shake & Stop

Day 8
Human gets fresh scones
Mouse gets fresh bedding
Fish gets fresh bowl
Cat gets fresh litter
Cat tries to eat Mouse, but fails
Mouse tries to eat Mouse, but fails
Fish tries to take over world, but fails
Human enjoys long weekend

The sky is Calypso-colored.
(I just needed to tell someone.)

Current standings
1) Human
2) Cat
3) Fish
4) Mouse

Once upon a time it was known that everything was knowable. Understanding was a matter of time, and time was infinite. Once upon a time everything was known, except the future. And then one day it changed. You are not unique. You are not special. The brilliances that wove themselves into tapestries have become tattered and incomplete rags; the sun that rose to illuminate the multitude of shadow hits zenith at noon. And it is then that you realize what and how mothers of fathers and fathers of mothers have known and forgotten for ages and ages.

One day, you too will fade.

omgscones

“Here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.”

Sometimes fewer antics are needed.

“Is she dating G[]? Because, trust me, that would be a bad idea.”
<realizes the implications of what was just said>
“No, it's just, one time we were both drunk...”
<realizes the implications of what was just said>
Just stop right now. This story's not going to get better.

Inept.

“<looks over> Google it.”

“Please me / Please me / Stop at the store…”

And as I'm waiting there, I realize that I'd really like to make enchiladas. So I ditch her and do so.

“…Call me, text me, answer the phone / And make it…”

A bin of toothpaste boxes sat halfway down the candy aisle, like a postsecret whose caption would read, “I realize I don’t belong here. / (But then I wonder that maybe it’s here which doesn’t belong.)”

“…Shut up…”

“Held captive by orcs in Barad-Dur. Have been forced to watch “Flipper” over and over until give in and tell them where Ring is. Damn evil methods of torture refined over millennia. Will not give in. Will remain strong.”

Epic epic movie watching.

“Orcs have switched to repeat viewings of “The Faculty.” Cannot cope. Have told them where Ring is.”

Day 1
Human gets Fish
Human gets Mouse
Fish notices Cat
Cat notices Mouse
Cat tries to get Mouse
Cat falls down
Cat throws up
Human cleans up

In a previous Away Message I realized that I needed to have taken more classes with L[].
I didn’t realize that L[] also needed to have taken more classes with me.

Current standings
1) Fish
2) Mouse
3) Human
4) Cat

Cleaning things up.

LittleD[]’s little sister has assignment for BigD[] filed under things D[] wants to do but needs nudging from LittleL[]: buy a mango or avocado, enjoy.
BigL[]’s big brother was going to give some graduatorial words of wisdom to Big and LittleL[]s, but didn’t get time, but he realizes they don’t need it.
Big and LittleL[]s are smiling, bigly and littlely.

Say the things you want me to say yourself.

A shot across the Beau.

“What was that?”
“Challenge to a shotgun.”
“Ah. <pause> Is that that important?”
“Yes.”

Lindell : Forest Park Parkway :: PeopleMover : Space Mountain

“College teaches you how to show why given things are true, but not how to show that things are true, or come up with new true things.”

“The countdown starts…”

Corollary Theorem
Everyone should have 2 rules for life.

“…4, 3, 2, 1…”

“Did you mean: List of fictional monkeys”

I feel like something is wrong with the Internet when something cannot be found with it.

“To days of inspiration / Playing hooky, making something out of nothing / The need to express / To communicate / To going against the grain / Going insane / Going mad / To loving…”

There’s something about open gates.

“…Sisters? / We’re close / Brothers!…”

We are the most awesome people ever.

“…In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately…”

Sometimes, following a difficult decision between 2 desired options, there’s a feeling of regret or relief that signals too unambiguously which was right and which was wrong.

“…La vie boheme…”

The cuter the crying organ, the greater the pain.

Quarters.

Woke up at 3am
Water switched off
My happy team on Cash Cab got the double-or-nothing question wrong.

This is not going to be a good day.

This is worse than Vaughn.

Getting to the meat of the matter.

This kind of investigative reporting actually restores my faith in journalism a little.

“I did that not too long ago by immediately playing MOTION as soon as I found it on my rack without realizing my seventh tile was an E.”
PIC FAIL

Customer Appreciation Day -> Employee Appreciation Day

I want to be able eat pizza without it being a political statement.

I hesitate to long
To move along
From where I am but don’t belong
To where I wait too long.

The dandelion exists to be puffed away by the idle child. A species’s reproduction enables another’s.

“You see her / You can’t touch her…”

I fought this fight for over 5 years.

“…Never / Come back here again…”

”Inside this box is a vial of either a deadly poison or a vital antidote.”
Schrödinger’s deathtrap: you are simultaneously alive and dead.

A younger, squasheder-headed Calypso.

Scientology is as valid a religion as Neoplatonism and as valid a philosophy as psychotherapy.

It’s either allergies or swine flu.

One shouldn’t need to convince oneself that the correct answer is to spend a gorgeous afternoon lying in the park. For nature isn’t a jerk, passive-aggressively blaming others for its own failings.

On a scale of 1-10, with

1 = I hope you have an excuse for not seeing this so I can stab you and steal your excuse to get out of attending;
2 = I've seen better performances put on by KARL and MPR;
3 = it might be a decent play but it stands for everything you loathe;
4 = flip a coin;
5 = if you can get in for free (and I know you can), go for it;
6 = yeah, it's worth seeing;
7 = yeah, it's worth seeing and I'm not just saying that because the PAD has a gun to my head and is telling me to tell all my friends or they'll shoot please tell my sister I love her;
8 = I feel your aura would appreciate it
9 = seriously, see it, and talk others into going;
10 = I will hunt you down and kill you if you do not attend;

where does Mother Courage fall?

Partial attendance counts.

For such a small person, you cast a huge shadow.

Oppression is a plague, but you take it out of your own cup.

I don't need friends to do the job of enemies for me.

hm I already picked up mail today.
The postman always rings twice?
Is that by Hitchcock?
I was going to say Norman Mailer, but that might just be Postman -> Mailer.
I just thought Norman Bates, but that’s Norman Mailer -> Bates.
And Norman Bates -> Hitchcock.

Free cone day. The best things in life aren’t.

I’d like 0 orders of beef lo mein, but without vegetables. And hold the rice, but make it brown.

Obama and Chavez shake hands, and diplomatic, economic, and geopolitical stances are all hyperexamined as part of a new era.

Obama and Chavez shake hands, and thousands of miles away I have to look up a book (“Open Veins of Latin America”) risen to #2 on amazon.

“It’s the same old song…”

“And flew back to Phoenix to finish the year as it started…”

Rising from ashes, one line traced from the previous to the next, a trail of dactyls leaping forth in rules of 3. That’s the limit: it can’t be the same, it can’t be any more. One knows exactly where one is, what one looks like, and can tell it to anyone one wants.

Mario 1, not 3: you can’t go back.

“…When I said, ‘I hate what I've become’, I lied: I hated who I was…”

Why would I ever not get the confetti.

“This is like an experience I never had.”

Chocolate goat cheese takes exactly like you wouldn’t expect, because it tastes exactly like chocolate and exactly like goat cheese.

“Today seems like a good day to burn a bridge or two…”

Sometimes the realization of finality just explodes like microwaved water.

“…Nothing to see, show’s over: people, just move along…”

“The third one is when you want something overpoweringly <grunt>. The second has the hotness of Eowyn. And the first one is the first one.”

First and foremost.

Pirates 3 was no The First One.
Shrek 3 was also no The First One.

Apologies for the childishness, but it is intended in good fun.

This is EmpTyger. I'm being... vigilant.

Watched Sunshine Cleaners. Pathological liars trying to find honest work.

“I love you. And I love you. And I’m glad you’re around.”

Flourless cake, flowerless fire.

“…I want something else to get me through this / Semi-charmed kind of life…”

“This Is Not a Game” is a perfect suspense for nights requiring an extra hour of insomniacal activity. Save for the negated chapter titles, it is not witty or clever, nor intellectual or philosophical. It is plot; like the enjoyment of a recap of a game, it is sufficient to provide enjoyment.

Sorry, we’re having a slight rabbinic dispute here.

Italian ThinkBread: because matzah was too Jewish.

I think we got all the plagues. Can we check them in the back of the haggadah?
Only the odd ones.

Why is this night different from all other nights?
On all other nights we eat all kinds of vegetables, but on this night we eat wasabi.
On all other nights we do not dip even once, but on this night we dip rolls into wasabi, and edamane into soy sauce.
On all other nights we dine either sitting upright or reclining, but on this night we eat lying on the floor.

On all other nights we eat matzah.
On this night we eat sushi.

The time has come, the walrus said, goo goo g’joob.

Color coordinated.

True blue.

Skim milk is not supposed to change color.

Milk teas are tealike when warm, and milky when cold.

It’s like drinking the leftover milk in a cereal you really like.

No Shame tonight: 10pm Women’s Building, Olin 2.
Get the message.

“FIRST SAVED MESSAGE”
or
“SINCE I’VE KNOWN YOU”
two twenty-one-act plays in one scene
adapted for the stage by
DANNY BRAVMAN
for
NO SHAME THEATRE
at
WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY
in
SAINT LOUIS
on
APRIL 3, 2009
starring
A GUY
A GIRL
and featuring the voice of
SATHYA SRIDHARAN

Will not autograph today’s Studlife [p.3].

Washington University’s economic situation plummeted to a record low as the fallout from the “textbook bubble” meltdown continued…

Too lame for words.

A pony walks into a bar and coughes several times. The bartender asks him, "Are you alright?" The pony says, "Yeah… I'm just a little hoarse."

I ran into L[] post-hangover this morning.
That sounds like you were post-hangover, which I know you weren’t.
It also sounds like L[] was post-hangover, which I know she wasn’t.

Schnarticle was already cool before it turned into a Clooney location shoot.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen you sober.
“I don’t remember the last time I saw you, drunk.”

Parking break.

“Raindrops keep falling on my head…”

Heading into the rain. Eins zwei dry.

First there was snow mixed in with rain. Then there was rain mixed in with rain. Finally, they added some of that rain/rain mixture to itself.

“This is a sketch…”

“Important Things with Demetri Martin” reflects everyday humor. Clever, intelligent, quirky; at its best insightful, at its worst awkward.

If you’ve done something wrong and need to flee the country without having prepared a fake identity, you’ve done something wrong.

“A trespassing was reported March 9 after a subject would not leave the driveway of a neighbor. When confronted by police the trespasser said, "I get a better view of the sunset from this location." After officers advised him he would have a very limited view of the sunset from jail, he complied and moved back to his property.”

A sunset needs proper vantage to be enjoyably watched.

“Abe [...] was reincarnated as a lobster."
I think I’m done.
Done done?
No. Just done.

Quick fix.

Actually, it's interesting, in a not-going-to-read-it-right-now kind of way.
I'm still not sure which you're not reading til later.
Oh, neither, but for different reasons. Rather, both. That was less unconfusing than I could have made it.
So was that.

Disturbing implies well done. It’s just weird.

Eating and still being hungry is a waste of a meal.

Locating a cure for cancer is difficult.

It’s like that time Alias got preempted.

Some people hate those who have no facade. Some people hate those who have only facade. The appropriate level of human interaction probably lies somewhere in the middle.

It’s like I think, therefore I’m in touch with reality.
Or I think, therefore I’m not.

Many happy returns.

Seeking 4-leaved luck.

Nothing to celebrate.

Experience is the best teacher, until it stabs you in the back.

“Whereas Pi can be approximated as 3.14, and thus March 14, 2009, is an appropriate day for National Pi Day: Now, therefore, be it Resolved,

That the House of Representatives-

(1) supports the designation of a 'Pi Day' and its celebration around the world…”

“Come gather ‘round, people…”

Watched Watchmen. I would have more appreciated it were I to appreciate the 70s more; likewise the voice-over, with the comic book genre. The story considers different aspects of authority distinct from identity, which is almost satirized behind masks. As illogical, as overcautious, as fascistically unethical, as hyperobjectively unemotional, as passionately idealistic, as defiantly paranoid: forms of vigilantism evolving through time. The abundance of scenes in overpowering rain fit nicely.

“…And accept it, that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone…”

75F when left at 6pm, 36F + windchill when returned at midnight.
I wasn’t sure what to wear even before the 1/3 inch of rain and 24 mph winds meantime made it moot.

Buy American: sniff markers.

Lie: content without accuracy.
Tautology: accuracy without content.

XP: do not feed to Cyclops

My laptop has an uncanny ability to detect the onset of nice days on which to stop working, probably to try to force me to go outside, unaware that (a) it’s a laptop so I could take it outside if it were working and (b) I then have to spend time inside dealing with tech support.

"Come take a look…"
Go and seek.
"…Don't really care who ends up getting hurt…"
Desperate.
"…Judgment versus instinct…"
Think I should. Feel I should.
"…Answer me this / Yes, all I have is questions…"
How?
"…Can't slip away and hide behind a false truth…"
Tried both twice.
"…Still standing here now…"
Standing still.
"…Did I see you laughing / Yeah, funny, it's not me…"
Tried both twice.
"…A sign that I'm still me / I'm still breathing…"
Standing, still.

What goes around comes around to Mudd MPR at 9pm freely tonight.

Nonfiction : indicative :: fiction : subjunctive

“Marching into the syncopated…”

The world is getting colder.

“…It’s all we know…”

Sleep schedule.

Fitfully and agonizingly hunting for a voyage.

“Like the ravenous Cyclops, snark sees with one eye. And then it complains that other people lack dimensions.”

“American Gods” portrays immigration as culture, religion as deception, but also fate as manipulation. Its narrative failings complement its philosophical heights, but also vice versa. For both religion and literature require some degree of suspension of disbelief; the intersection is appropriately mythology.

“Things I’ve Learned from Women Who’ve Dumped Me” is 4 parts comedy, 1 part wisdom. That doesn’t factor in the fraction of the essays which unfortunately fail, nor the percentage discount for purchasing it.

Breakup breakdown.

I would have given her Sims2 if I loved or hated her more, to either present her something she wanted or to ruin her life. But instead, I just didn’t care.

Categorical imperative.

How about, no one gets put in concentration camps?

When I think about the future I live in the past.
When I don’t think about the future I live in the present.

Making lists of over 64 things.

I was going to put ‘Tell the truth’ but I didn’t have enough space in that column.
Probably for the best.

Rec over.

A full blueberry pie sat in a tin next to a white saucer holding a crumbled last slice of apple, like a postsecret whose caption would read, “I don’t actually want to be a lawyer.”.

Having had convenient excuses for why I haven’t any of the past years, I finally attend inventory, capping a long day with a session of taking stock, correcting counts, and free pizza.

All productions of Hamlet differ because all depend on the portrayal and the perception of madness.

“Can you take a 15 minute break to help me bring some dead plants into the Hotchner?”
What? I can’t hear you.
“Are you at the bookstore? Can you bring some dead plants into the Hotchner?”
Bring some what?
“Dead plants into the Hotchner. Nevermind.”
No, wait, I can help- I just can’t hear what you’re saying. It sounds like dead plants.
“I am.”
Ah. I’ll be right out. Where are you?
“Chicago.”

“Hello, darkness…”

Silence is a form of communication.

“…The sound of silence…”

“Brother and sister, together we'll make it through…”

Blindsided at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

“…They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future…”

Payments for web service may cost an arm and a leg.

"T. Reich was pulled to earth through a dimensional portal from a dimension of Nazi dinosaurs. He briefly wreaks havoc in the downtown before being driven back to his home dimension by a housecat which changes sizes when agitated."

R[]’s Advice
1) This is not a problem.
2) The solution is a threeway.

I have no interest in watching whether he will realize that she won't put out before she realizes that she will.

A friend encourages you to go after this cute blonde you just met.
A good friend encourages you to go after this cute blonde you just met so you’ll get over your ex.
A bad friend encourages you to go after this cute blonde you just met so you’ll get over your ex so that obstacle for him will be removed.

“I feel so unnecessary.”

There’s a gradient between dance party and music practice.

I only go to songmeanings to look at stupid people revealing that they do not understand a song.

It’s been a bad month.
“What happened?”
You don’t really want me to answer.
“I didn’t realize it until you said it; yeah, I was really hoping you wouldn’t.”
I’m touched that you pretended to care.

Honest communication is an evocation of the speaker, not the audience.

In which L[] takes a page out of the anti-vapid book: ‘Well, I don't know about that. I'm fine with it; it's just really ephemeral.’
I will respect someone more who says, ‘In which L[] takes a page out of the anti-vapid book’ than, ‘Well. I don't know about that. I'm fine with it; it's just really ephemeral’.’

Extra special order.

I just had the Wait, what’s B[]’s last name? moment.
LOL
I’m confused. Is A[] a stripper?
lol Not as good as What's B[]'s last name?, though.

Certain names are verbs, allowing a name (Clive Staples Lewis) to become a sentence. Less remarkable are last names (Brooke Shields) which strain the bounds of transitivity. Rare are the fortunate ones (Mark Felt) whose first and last names are both verbs, allowing multiple possible sentences.

I have none.
Clearly, this is why you need more friends.

Quirk is established in slight exaggeration.

I can express what I need to express, and only those who understand me will understand me.

Hyperbole is the compensation for the loss of experience in communication.

((4! + 4)/4)^sqrt4 = 4! + 4! + 4/4 = (4 + 4 - tan (pi/4))^sqrt4

Number families.

More horizontal than vertical.

“Synthesize, organize, assuage, rutabage.”

Part to part to whole to whole.

Now I'm only trying to figure out whether we can have a metametonymnym.

“Dating, like the tyrant, seeks perfection (within a certain price range). Whereas the heart, like the eye, can only cling to imperfections: her funny stride, and the way her voice breaks, child-like, on the phone. And so the dater, self-baffling, seeks what the heart cannot understand. We must stop dating. But we can't.”

The past is dated.

“The only way to stop dating is to fall in love. But how, under conditions of dating, would this be possible? You are affected by all the dates you've been on, the relationships you've had. The pain you've inflicted binds you to the people who bore the brunt of it.”

Where's that from: 'I like you…kuleles'?
"I just like ukuleles. I didn't get it from anywhere."
I was afraid of that. Well, now you know what keeps me up at night.

Dreams are art without a soundtrack.

"Yeah, I look up youtubes of ukuleles at night."
Now I know what keeps you up at night.

Underwhelming: The Epic Continues.

Turnover prior to halftime.

Or maybe, Disappointing: The Last Battle.

“Have you ever seen a one trick pony…”

Wrestler is a struggle towards a tragically predictable ending. A stoic can take on any hurt and not feel it, except the hurt they themself inflict, and those hurts become self-inflicted as everything changes except self-identity. It should be so easy to halt, but in a contrived world that has glimmered with glory for too many decades, reality and phoniness become so indistinguishable to the observer and to the self, that physical pain leads to emotional torment. Any political or religious overtone is coincidental. The world is fake. The world hurts.

“…Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more…”

Emotional investment is required to enjoy a spectator sport, but it need not be the spectator’s emotion. Another’s, be it stoic endurance or passionate outburst, will suffice as conduit.

1) It’s a home team.
2) They’re the underdogs.
3) I have family in Philadelphia.
4) I’m rooting against R[].
This is easy.

Sibling or Date: every waiter’s favorite game.

“I did my best to notice…”
I really hate, when I try to do something good for someone who deserves it, that the result is only worse for everyone.
“…My sign is vital…”
I realize I am lucky.
“…My hands are cold…”
I feel nothing.
“…I’m on my knees looking for the answer…”
I don’t even know what to pray for.
“…Are we human…”
We make mistakes.
“…Are we dancer…”
We keep moving.

There should be room temperature snow.

“I want you to know…”

Dear Charter,

Please put a note in my file that says that there’s an Internet outage in my area every time the power goes out, so that when I call in after the power goes out, you don’t treat me like a moronic liar who needs to be walked through a modem reboot 3 times and then scheduled for an unhelpful, unwanted, and unasked for router upgrade, as you have 7 times in 2 months when the problem is- and has always been- on your end.

ps Thanks for not hanging up on me the second time I called.

“…You oughta know…”

“Walking on, walking on…”

Keep moving, back to whatever shattered remains of what slipped from my fingers to crash windingly into my side so that I recoil away, letting it fall, to create a symbolic splintered destruction across the floor through where I still must somehow proceed to exit.

Watch your step: this may hurt.

“…Broken glass…”

I don’t even think they can diagnosis it, but the medicine is making me kind of loopy.

“I've become so numb / I can't feel…”