C > 1: What if there were an anthropomorphic cat?
C = 1: Now what if it were just a normal cat?
C < 1: Now what if the cat didn't exist?

“I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known…”
Lonely/Alone
“…My shallow heart’s the only thing…”
Trying not to be self-important.
“…Read between the lines…”
Symmetrically transcendental.
“…Where the city sleeps…”
Rest, lest be sick again.
“…Check my vital signs…”
Alone/Lonely
“…'Til then I walk alone…”

The ironic thing about “American Gladiators” is how scripted a show airing because of the Writers Strike is.

Somehow it has taken me almost 95% of my college life to order a pizza delivered to the library to be eaten with friends while doing a problem set. And doing it feels so right.

“C is for cookie…”

Caramel deLites? Sorry, American Samoas are good enough for me.

“…Who cares about the other things…”

You’re going to the Gonzales thing? Can you ask him a question for me:
So, let’s say you meet a cute girl one night at a bar, and you seem to hit it off, and she gives you her number. You call her back a few days later, but she says something evasive and makes an excuse to hang up. You decide to try again another night, but this time she gives an even lamer excuse. From then on, do you try to reach her one final time, or do you just not re-call?
If you do, I’ll forgive you for never talking to me again for suggesting this.

Going the distance. In NC for an improv festival until Sunday.

“That was a long way to go to set up a bad pun.”
Oh, yes. You might even say it was torturous.

I’ve already heard it; nothing I haven’t heard before.

Convocation Drinking Game
4 syllable word (x2 if >4)
Awkward pause after a joke
{"freshman", "sophomore", "junior", "senior"}
“passion”
“experience”
Bad metaphor (x2 if simile)

1) Find them.
2) Give them a hug.
3) Leave without asking them any questions.

“Typing is not exactly the most warm and comforting thing, no matter how nice the words are.”

The secret to printing non-academic material in a school computer lab is to add to the top corner one’s name, the date, and Writing XXX1, and then add an appropriate title.

The trick, however, is finding a printer actually available.

No No Shame; shame.

“If silence is that important, then a suppressed magnum would work.”

“It’s Thursday night, she should be out on the scene…”

The best way to spend Valentine’s Night is running my tongue up and down a most delicious leg…

“…It’s not the money, it’s the recipes…”

…of lamb; and I could do this all night long.

“…One of these nights you might find someone to love…”

“I am a writer, writer of fictions…”

Final declarations.

I've been burning bridge after bridge because I'm in flames and I keep running back over every single one I have.

“Are you okay?”
“Shh. I’m feeling.”

“There is no significant correlation between being in love and being in a relationship.”

…I’m sorry. You’re not the love of my life.

This is probably the silliest reason to want a gf.

Normality, unlike Sunkist orange soda and sleep, is so overrated.

When I have questions about seducing a professor, I'll raise my hand.

“So my mother said, “Is he cute?”, “What school does he go to?”, and- brace yourself- “What are his prospects?””
You know, I only honestly know the answer to 1 of those.
“Funny thing: I don’t know the answer to any of them.”

"Is 'hate sex' hyphenated? <googling> No, not 'I hate sex'."

The worst thing one can do is indent with spaces.

I may miss you next year.
“May?”

Never has -5 felt so satisfying. There is a right way and a wrong way to take one for the team.

This is so teen girl sleepover.

Always guess biscuit.

[Chicago until late Saturday]

“Don’t tell grandma which button we pushed.”

This is what makes waking up at 3am and being an American worthwhile.

Voting, like sleeping, early and often.

[Any food brought to the Wydown Middle School polling station today would be most appreciated.]

The moral question that's bothering me is that I actually needed a new pair of iPod earphones, and the ones I received are in better condition that mine own.

Begging the question.

What truly fascinates me about this ethical question is that I believe that the situation changes completely if the Patriots beat the Giants.

“Mine immaculate dream…"
Lie in bed.
“…Signed, with a home…”
Chosen in absentia.
“…Happy birthday to you was created for you…”
Half and have not.
“…It'll take a little time/Might take a little crime…”
Playoff spot.
“…Words, playing me déjà vu…”
Asked and answered.
“…Chill, is it something real…“
Sick and tired.
“…Lost, in a snow filled sky…”
Here and back again.
“…Who do you need/Who do you love/When you come undone...”

Spot the subtext.

Something’s left unspoken, but it’ll be funny anyhow:
Brown 100, tonight 8pm, free improv, free hot chocolate.

(And by “hot chocolate”, I mean Barack Obama. And by “Barack Obama”, I mean, the Juggernaut.)

Using the equation (a+b^n)/n = x, Euler showed Diderot that this existed during a debate at the court of Catherine the Great. Arguing that whole numbers were the central foundation of mathematics, Kronecker claimed that the integers were the result of this. Pascal, using game theory, concluded that it is optimal to assume that this exists. FTP, what tautologically defines itself as being “I am what I am” in the book of Exodus?