I will look back on 3/30/05 9am-3pm as one of the highlights of my life. I still don’t know how I did that.

When pre-frosh are visiting, which headlines are from the campus newspaper, which from the underground parody?

Bon Appetit to begin charging dorm entry fee
Israel-Palestine conflict resolved entirely within Student Life forum section
“Kick the kosher cart” campaign causes campus controversy
Prof screens graphic porn films to provoke conversation
Student defecates in RA’s dorm room
Student Life stolen from newsstands

[2 of the real ones formed part of a trifecta on fark.com]

Saw Goodbye Lenin, which besides fascinatingly turning the fall of Communism into comedy, manages to simultaneously transform the perpetrated lie into an allegory for Communism itself. Aside from a craving for pickles, it promotes a particularly poignancy. It is more remarkable for accomplishing comedy by being intelligent.

I probably could have done better at the single-elimination chess event in the Residential College Olympics had I realized when my 10:30 match began before 11:15.

“I was dying in your arms tonight...”

This Easter thing is actually kind of cool. My egg is so awesome. It’s *plaid*. It makes cool patterns when spun. It’s so pretty I don’t want to eat it.

So I don't have to keep carrying it around, can I just leave my egg in your refrigerator?
"Wait, your refrigerator has an egg slot?"
"Of course! Don't all refrigerators have egg slots?"
"Mine doesn't have an egg slot."
Mine doesn't either.
"Wait, you don't have egg slots? I don't know if I can talk to you two any more!"
I think I need to tell you something: see, girls have egg slots, guys don't.

Still not sure what the third game in Tripoley is.

“From the halls of Montezuma...”

A Plutonic relationship is one without romantic intimacy: to love someone only for their money.

Half a box of Samoas is better than none.

“To what do you attribute the greatest cause of global warming?”
Cows.

At 1:20 in the morning, I am “somewhat informed about global warming”, “hell yes concerned about it [...] but the Kyoto protocol won't do a damn thing”, feel that US efforts rate a 3 “compared to other nations' efforts at combating global warming” where “US” is not well-defined, and “don’t really give a fuck about current data that supports the argument that excessive fuel use is contributing to climate change”. [Sorry, but I am being given a survey at 1:20AM.]

[This Away Message will remain incomplete until I decide how much material from Monday I should commit to a non-Monday Away Message. In the meantime, I apologize. And this week might be one of extreme apathy.]

Liked Romeo + Juliet because I like such transformations, especially exploring the contrast between the modern setting and unupdated dialogue. Unfortunately the title characters lacked the acting ability present in the similar version of Hamlet. At least it fulfilled the rule of seeming like the title character ought to have been Mercutio.

All those undone Greek verb sheets were good for something after all: I’m not sure I would have been able to watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas otherwise.

Nobody does work on Friday evenings. But that's because Nobody can get into the library then. <grumble>

You Make Wash U
SCHWAMM!!!

Erin go bragh. The relevance of this act will be elaborated upon Wednesday... which was yesterday, so I hope you were paying attention, since I’m not repeating it until next year. In the meantime, the word relinquishmentificationality should be used more often.

Celebrate. The relevance of this act will be elaborated upon Wednesday. Which happens to be today. So:

Today is the null holiday I created, celebrating to preserve what little festive momentum there is from Pi Day and the Ides of March through until St. Patrick’s Day. I’m still considering ideas for such details as traditions, rituals, and a decent name.

Really, this week needs all the help it can get in preserving festive momentum.

[Possible reasons to celebrate might include a love for the American justice system.]

"And so it is. For this time I will leave you:
To-morrow, if you please to speak with me,
I will come home to you; or, if you will,
Come home to me, and I will wait for you."

Beware the Ides. The relevance of this act will be elaborated upon Wednesday. In the meantime, if anyone wants to read Julius Caesar in a stairwell, wake me up.

The Annual Biggs Lectures in the Classics would have been nicer had it been more Classics and less Philosophy. Though we did make the discovery that Europeans are unable to celebrate Pi Day, on account of April having only 31 days, and there being no 14th month.

“If you leave children to themselves, and not let them get corrupted by adults, they’ll become philosophers.”

Act irrationally a little before 2 o’clock. The relevance of this act will be elaborated upon on Wednesday.

I don’t suppose anyone has a clue where a binder (black, 3”) approximately might have wound up? Not urgent, yet would be nice to have back.

[Since I seem to be in a particularly cryptic mood, something baked to whoever gets the reference to the first in the second. To whoever spots the second I’ll actually deliver.]

[Discovered: was left it in my last class before Spring Break.]

Spring Break was oodles of fun, yet somehow I have a backlog of work from before and during which I never really got around to. Was either too afk or else too at the mercy of the cable people, so I have a comparable backlog of Away Messages.

Game 2 of online mafia (Newbie 85) ended disastrously. As the cop, I (1) cast the deciding vote to lynch the doctor day 1, (2) had my investigative target killed by the mafia night 1, and (3) wound up getting lynched day 2 to end the game. Moreover, at the end I suspected 2 innocents, each of who suspected each other as well as me, leaving the mafia freest from suspicion. At least I got a cookie for participation.

Missouri to California to Pennsylvania to Maryland to Missouri. With a couple stops in Arizona somewhere in the middle. For $216.60.

I need a vacation after this week. And after venturing into Koenig. (Or maybe Liggett. Whichever isn’t the one I’m now definitely not going to go into.)

"I don't want to know about the things I don't know about."
I know whether this is or isn't a quote of Rumsfeld's.

Will autograph today’s Studlife [p.7] for candy. (Ironically, it was originally intended for WUnderground.)

So, you know how $1,638 worth of stuff is missing from Millbrook Market? Well, it was me. Yeah. Sorry about that...

Danny is a freshman in Arts & Sciences and has a huge crush on the Orbit Gum girl. He can be reached via e-mail at dbravman@wustl[].

What are the happiest words to hear on a Monday?
“EComp’s canceled.”
What are the next happiest word to hear on a Monday?
“Analysis paper delayed until after Spring Break.”

If I turn up dead, half the freshman class will have had a motive to kill me. Perhaps I’ve been studying how to irritate people too well.