Since it’s Monday, let me collect some tasteless quotes that I’d been saving.

“What’s the attraction for girls kissing?”
See, my theory is that guys like slutty girls. But we’re also possessive, so we don't like seeing girls act slutty with other guys. But there’s no problem if the girl’s with another girl.
“Then how come I don’t like guys kissing?”
Well, it must be because you're not possessive.
No. Hm.
Nevermind then.

"What device, invented in 1869, was originally used to treat hysteria?"
I didn't know you could do that with a sheep!

“I don’t date whores.”
You’d make a very bad guy.

Dear Mr. or Ms. 382388,
I was just wondering whether you had any plans for who you’d be rooming with next year. Oh you do? NOT ANYMORE!

3228/4357, which I think good considering the lowest freshman lottery number is ~2800. I’ve begun evaluating upperclassmen dorms, with my, having become too exasperated with the washing, drying, and change machines, ironically going to Mudd to get clean clothes.

“try {
            quiz();
} catch(DontKnowWhatRaceConditionIsException dkwrcie) {
            wait(12:52);
            instructor.announce(definition);
            problem2.doExampleFor5pts;
}”

Forget about perfect attendance. Did anyone skip only 1 class this week?

Waif, free from wavy hair
And fragile flair,
Let those outgrown lie prone: don’t bear
Escaped Medusan lair.

So, you know how $1,638 worth of stuff is missing from Millbrook Market? That was me. Yeah. Sorry about that.

[IM me to read the rest of “Confessions of a Candy Thief”, which due to some unfortunate logistics will not be published in the upcoming edition of WUnderground.]

Splintered by wintered sting,
Speechless dreams fling
Back harpy’s sharp keen: Let nothing
Befall the future spring.

While reading “Brown” I notice two girls on my left and two guys to my right.

As one guy is ready to concede that differences in the sexes exist, they postulate hypothetical explanations before confirming beer pong plans. One girl doesn’t get some of the stereotypes, scornfully dissecting picked out phrases for her preoccupied friend.

There is silence.

One guy has discovered the context for the quotes, and the other reasons he is pro-antidiscrimination. One girl observes that while it’s only a theory, it is on the Times front page, which other girl defends; both want to see the primary source, but instead talk about a test.

Both pairs are discussing the same article and only I realize it. It was too surreal to ruin by revealing.

Yesterday was a good Friday, for EComp was canceled.
Speaking of Good Friday, I’m giving up Christ for Lent.

"Now is the winter of our discontent...."/You're probably looking for the other side of this card. It's not too late to flip over!/Modified Avalanche: 1) Rock 2) Rock 3) Paper 4) Rock (if necessary)/James Abram Garfield was the 20th US President./o matrix/(T): Add (W) to your mana pool./For more information, AIM: EmpTyger and ask for a cantaloupe./+> N/My other cheat card is deliberately left blank./Below is an inside joke from Math 201 involving striped shirts./If this were for a Baernstein exam, it wouldn't be the file card which would be lined.../But does your mouth feel clean? FABULOUS!/3x5 card = 15 card/If LOST, return to ABC Wednesdays, 8/7 central./The word cantaloupe appears on this card for no apparent reason./Not valid in Quebec or Lichtenstein. See store for details. Void where prohibited. No purchase necessary.

There seem to be only 2 kinds of dryers here: ones that don’t work, and ones that don’t dry.

Having taken cold medicine and naps, I’m feeling better. Yay zeugma.

“Valentine’s Day sucks if you’re single.”
“It also sucks if you’re not.”

Anyone up for a little Lupercalia instead?

Vacuum (second eulogy)

Oft tell the timeless toils of souls now soiled
In times of grief that lie nigh lonely night,
When helpless spotted doth spot new hope spoiled:
Hero lain uncovered ‘mid uncleared blight.
Heartlessly slain upon a heartless day
Ere night ere rise of love’s impassion’d dawn
As heartless lie aggrieved in thoughtless way,
Left silent, warcry turned to fun’ral song.
On evil surface, walked upon unpaved,
Give too much dirt to too much death in dearth.
The worth of wholesome living left unsaved:
Eternal life etern’ly ruin’d by birth.
Never old in dying rust.
Ashes, ashes, dust, dust.

Add this sentence to your profile if you add stuff to your profile because someone else’s profile tells you to do so.

Add this sentence to your profile if you don’t add stuff to your profile because someone else’s profile tells you to do so.

New whiteboard finally mounted at 3pm yesterday. Stop by and give your prediction on how long before this one kills itself.

Not freezing like an ice parrot, or avoiding class like a mixed metaphor. For those who missed me in Village 3, I didn’t not perform.

Ehn. It’s been a bad week.
Out like a bad simile.

Zen counting the days until the weekend. Let me know when I can open my eyes, though I’m probably already asleep.

If it’s Monday, it must be time for tastelessness:
The University of Missouri-Rolla’s mascot is the Miner. So, like we have outside our library a statue of George Washington, they have a statue of a miner, with a hardhat and pickax, only their statue is inside the building we were in. Naturally, I had to have a picking of me molesting the statue, going for the “inappropriate relationship with a miner” joke. Of course, at that point I must follow-up with the “statutory rape” pun, and then I may as well 3-for-3 by “pulling on his tool”.

And then the next improv scene prompt just happens to be “Coal Mine”.

Saw “Trojan Women”, which was, as said by others, most fairly described as “interesting”. Hecuba was too whiny, Talthybius spoke too softly, the genre shifts were too done too abruptly, Helen honestly seemed cast solely for her ability and willingness to pole dance, and the theatre was distractingly too warm. However, Andromache was very good, as was Poseidon, and Chorus A of course contained some excellent performing.

No SI mentions this week, although Rolla’s statue of a miner and his tool evoked a triple of tasteless double entendres, and that was before dinnertime jokes about Ray Charles, Helen Keller, and Nazis in general. I’d repeat them, but I’m already babbling like a bad simile. I’ll provide salacious details when I’m less tired and have located photographic evidence.

Team Poisonous Platypi did remarkably well considering they were but 2 freshman who could not answer a question about Maryland for their lived-in-Maryland-for-most-of-their-lives. In fairness, I did preface by warning I'd be doing some crazy negging.

Anyone up for the ultimate roadtrip: Haugesund, Norway -> Trondheim, Norway, with MSN as the travel agent?

Seriously, I need plans for summer vacation.

[Gr... apparently Microsoft decided to actually fix a bug for a change. As it was, courtesy snopes.]

Mnemonic creation is the ultimate Rorschach test, only sometimes there are wrong answers. For {menw = I wait}, the correct mnemonic is not “men wait for me” but rather “a waiter brings you a menu”.

+1/2 but I’m getting the wrong answer.
My first (partial, though I was activated as a replacement very early) mafia game online (Newbie 76) has been more successful: as a vanilla, I was killed Night 2- with the cop killed Day 1 and the doctor Night 1- but before dying cast enough suspicions on the final mafia member that the town obtained a victory on Day 3.

It's Disneyland.
"No, I think it's Disneyworld."
No, my sister was just there.
"I've seen the commercials."
So have I!
"Should we vote on this?"
"I think it's 'world."
Anyone?
Please?
Fine.

Team Enrobed Milanos by 2 points over the too-tasteless-by-probably-only-a-week Team Tsunami.

I'm sorry, but I can't let you do this. It's 'land.
"Give me the paper."
I had seen the commercials with my sister, and we couldn't tell what they were for, and she was just at Disneyworld and it wasn't that!
"When was she there?"
A week and a half ago!
"Hm."
Look, I'll pay $5- to each of you- if I'm wrong.
"Hm. Okay."
Let me just check see that I have $20.
"Wait, I thought you were sure?"
No, I am. But my sister so owes me $20 if it isn't.

“If you see a mime sometime between now and then do not try and engage him in conversation, instead flee, flee for your very lives.”

I wish someone did get the officer’s name to find out if it were Beth; though since it was a middle school and not a church, discretion would concur that continuing the rapid movement away from the suspicious noises would indeed be most prudent.

*8* consecutive RPS victories in a room of 10 players is pure skill.

“Whistle while you work...”