“Wouldn’t it be good if we could be together...”
Home, and I desperately need New Year’s plans. And Spring Break plans, for that matter, but first things first. If you're reading this and anywhere close to in town, IM/call.

[Awesome points if anyone parses the quoted lyrics.]
“...Take me away, / Take me far away from here...”

“Tomorrow's a day of mine / That you won't be in...”
May be nigh incommunicado until New Year’s Eve, but would love any contact from any set of friends, and especially regarding potential New Year’s plans. IM is certainly out; e-mail I’ll try to check but no guarantees; cell phone service???.

The first one since third grade without homework over it. I wish I didn’t have to leave, but there’s no reason to stay.
“Vacation / All I ever wanted / Vacation / Had to get away / Vacation / Meant to be spent alone...”

Finally watched Kill Bill 2. [Because there seriously isn’t anything better to do around here.] At one point I thought that there was absolutely no way that the plot could be resolved other than by deus ex machina, only to in astonishment realize halfway through the next chapter how plausibly it indeed was about to be. So until the end I held out an in retrospect unreasonable faith that, given a choice between contrived or realistic, there would be a realistic resolution; perhaps, as mentioned in a previous Away Message, in the manner in “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”.

I vent a silent prayer
Up endless stair:
Fall uncontrolled through soulless air,
And world, and I don't care.

“Too much poison come undone...”
I hate it when I have been enjoying a song only to discover that no, actually, it’s really about drugs.
And when it happens twice in one night.
“I don't think you're what you seem...”

You know you’ve switched from math to classics when someone asks what lim sup means and you immediately and only think of Pelops.

Does anyone know what the deal is with that massage room?
“I think that’s where they give massages...”
<laughter>
“...no, wait, I didn’t finish my sentence...”

“I was sitting on a plane next to a guy going to an anarchists’ convention in Ann Arbor...”
Wait, wait. How does someone organize an anarchists' convention?

There will likely be some kind of final Chanukkah celebration tonight. I’ll guess ~7:30 in Ursa’s Fireside. Bring your menorah, dreidel, gelt, candy canes…

My mad dreidel skills Night 7 (winning 75-10) compensate for my sucking at Candyland, which, in fairness, is likely genetic. I still maintain rock-paper-scissors is a game of total skill. And there is something to be said for the just introduced Guillotine’s killing French people.

Slivered pastry, oh so tasty,
Shrouding cream in candlelight:
Do delay tea, don't be hasty,
Come to kitchen in Forsyth.

With a very soft if rather large acrylic scarf having been abandoned for hours at Ursa’s unto closing time, I’ll try strangulation.

“Yet, another obvious truth is that there must be some catch, otherwise this would not be a studied problem.”

[This was not plagiarized from a stereotypically Duke profile.]

Sometimes it’s a miracle if the candles don’t stay lit.

Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing; for you've already told her twice of the inanity of using a bait and switch tactic to call together to a mandatory discussion allegedly on rape awareness but rather instead on semantics after 10pm on a busy night; thus it's not worth positing that humor, depending on an audience whose sense of humor will have been able to be judged from a period of cohabitation, consists of often defensively mechanistic reflections of observations of oddities of human existence, which in her particular case are based on a pun on connotative versus denotative meanings of "tell" and are only indirectly dependent on the scenario, in that easily identifiable circumstances better expose the double definition.

And who your worst sexual experience was with.

Metaanalytically, I suppose I would be least likely to burn down the dorm (or merely set off the smoke detectors) tomorrow, rather then tonight, for tomorrow’s action depends on a success tonight, and 2 vs. 3 candles seems insignificant compared to familiarity with the action. Although for determining the night most likely to burn down the dorm (or etc.) the additional candles would probably be most crucial, and accumulated carelessness from the evidently 7 arson-free nights could balance any initial inexperience.

I suppose it would indeed take a miracle to light 8 candles for 8 days.

[And it's not worth risking a mandatory Arson/Pyromania Awareness "floor program". Can't we go see a movie or go bowling or have psychological testing done on us like normal floors?]

Doubled SI. Rejecteds I also liked:
"Yasser Arafat Pronounced Dead in Paris" [2]
Linguists Unsurprised
Chirac Reveals Palestinian Leader's Secret Nickname: "Mortie"

"A Squeal of Approval for Avril Lavigne"
Teen Star Fit for Pigs

"Lindsay Lohan, Wilmer Valderrama Break Up"
Pair Considering Sprint, Cingular as Alternatives

"Iran Says It Will Suspend Uranium Program"
Secret Underground Cavern Will Hold Lofted Laboratory

"Schumer Will Not Run for N.Y. Governor"
Pataki's "Relay for Life" Team Left Undermanned

[likely unprintable]
"Coming of Age Takes on a New Meaning"
Beauty Left Unsatisfied

I am my own roommate.

“Excellentissimam virtutem, Crastine.”
“Party on, Caesar.”

“St. Louis, the Gateway to the West; and Baltimore… is in Maryland.”

Well played, Ken, a perfect replacement should Alex Trebek step down.

Continuing in the category “Other Things I Really Shouldn’t Care about This Week”:
These are collectively a crash, and should have a better plural form.
[What are rhinoceroses?]

The season’s first snow is always glorious, but especially following such a dreary rainy week. And yes, I know, it’s not the first snow; but why force it to count if no one else experienced it either?

Noon registration: Anyone considering sections of Diff.Eq.s, EComp, CompSci 2, or (less and less likely) Intro. to Linguistics? [Diff. Eq.s = 01 (10-11), EComp = 49 (2-3), CompSci 2 = C (4-5:30), Intro. to Linguistics = hahayeahno.]

3rd mistake:
3 <= 3
3|111
3! =/= 3

Nothing in this week’s SI for I completely misread the contest instructions; a particular shame since it ruined a joke I first attempted in 5th grade with an ideal setup, only to have been left waiting for another opportunity after mangling it. At least I am getting practice in faux-French collaboration.

‘Monsieur éléphant, while zee life is insignificant, as is zee living of it, and zee outcome of this situation may not be worth zee immediate intervention- mon dieu, who of us can ever tell?- it is not zee place of me to act decisively; but I will allow myself to say that zee ‘cowboy’’ (and by this he meant the Crocodile) ‘will bring about an unfavorable diplomatic isolation before you might say “qu'est-ce que c'est que cette petite tasse là qui j'ai prendre à ma tante de la bibliothèque, n'est-pas?”’

This is the way Tri-Colored-Python-Rock-Snakes always talk.

[And back through the bedroom window.]

Finding Neverland, despite adultery compounded with implications of pedophilia and drug usage, was a sadder “Shakespeare in Love” or “Shadowlands”. Perhaps it’s only a Washington thing, but the line “redskins are defeated” caused a wave of laughter to overwhelm an otherwise teary-eyed theatre. I still think the title would be better simply “Neverland”. Odd seeing Johnny Depp pretending to pretend to be a pirate.

The LinDanny bonding prior to returning from the east allowed chopstick usage to be instinctively taught. And you so owe me awesome points.
“...So we have time for a game?”

Virtually touring, for it is so transcendental.

At the annual Catchphrase game:
“Every woman has one… and she can never find anything in it…”
Someone did manage to guess “purse” before the first wave of laughter began to die.

[I will not even begin to guess why the computer was restarted. I hope no one tried to IM me...]

“Sweet dreams are made of this...”
With linen having not yet been praised, let me now extol the modal sheets, plush backrest, and luxurious egg crate which have allowed my dorm’s narrower bed to make even the diminished hours of sleep so luxuriously restful. And now at home I am able to sleep less tensely on eggshells.

[And also thankful for being able to get into Baskin-Robbins 5 minutes after they close.]

Not exactly sure how Away Messages will be maintained over Thanksgiving. If this is being displayed, likely not very well. Cell me.

[If this Away Message is being displayed I should be at home.

Although, since it means I'm away I suppose I could be out. It's still probably best to cell me. Or, since I'm allegedly home, call me here.

[Or, since I forgot how bad cell service is back home, perhaps IM would be better.]]

“Deseritur Cieros, linquunt Pthiotica Tempe
Crannonisque domos ac moenia Larisaea,
Pharsalum coeunt, Pharsalia tecta frequentant.
Rura colit nemo, mollescunt colla iuvencis,
non humilis curvis purgatur vinea rastris,
non glebam prono convellit vomere taurus,
non falx attenuat frondatorum arboris umbram,
squalida desertis rubigo infertur aratris.
Ipsius at sedes, quacumque opulenta recessit
regia, fulgenti splendent auro atque argento.”

Obviously it’s about a cow.

Singled in this week’s SI, though it is more of a halved I suppose; my actual submission proposed a 2π% sales tax. I think I impressed the Empress by parenthetically citing an entry I feared similar to my proposal of strictly enforced 11-20, 21-30, 31-40 etc. item lanes. Yay academic integrity.

For a great book ought to not be read but once. As stated in a previous Away Message:

Reductio ad absurdum:
Orwell/​Carroll/​Orwell/​Tolstoy/​Unknown/​Waller/​Dostoevsky/​Chaucer/​Dickens/​Dumas/​Dostoevsky/​Marx/​Dickens/​Mann/​Hubbard/​Frank/​Johnson/​Dante/​Cervantes/​Stevenson/​Stoker/​Bradbury/​Turgenev/​Friedan/​Hemingway/​Rand/​Shelley/​Steinbeck/​Dickens/​Fitzgerald/​Seuss/​Rowling/​Conrad/​Doyle/​Twain/​Hugo/​Dostoevsky/​Homer/​Freud/​Ellison/​Benchley/​Alcott/​Nabokov/​Golding/​Kafka/​Eliot/​Melville/​Homer/​Steinbeck/​Dickens/​Kerouac/​Kesey/​Darwin/​Woolf/​Milton/​Wilde/​Austen/​Plato/​Rushdie/​Hawthorne/​Austen/​Eliot/​Carson/​Lawrence/​Shikibu/​Dickens/​Lao-Tzu/​Hardy/​Dumas/​Nietzsche/​Lee/​Woolf/​Stevenson/​Joyce/​Susann/​Thoreau/​Tolstoy/​London/​Baum

The next time I take a computer science course I am taking it pass/fail.

Watching and sometimes botching, wondering what emazing radce is.

I think maybe we meant radishes? But we were really hungry and tired and sorta confused...

So miserable I can’t even begin to whine in self-pity. I really hope there wasn’t anything going on this week that depended on me being in a good mood.

I somehow forgot to link to <http://www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com>; I think I planned to use this for my Election Day Away Message. A pity, for what had once been a refreshingly novel outlook has regressed into a too common repetitive mantra.

To paraphrase Churchill: American democracy is the worst form of government but I’m voting for it anyway.

No one should be this happy from using the Mean Value Theorem.

You want to know but you don’t want to know but you want to know.
My life is an onion and it’s making me cry.

Team Superfrosh has retired undefeated, after having taken first in its only tournament, in which the earned gift certificates when divided among team members ironically led to its receiving the lowest prize/person of all competitors.

Whither the Poisonous Platypuses (which also Word prefers to Platypi)?

Snatch was like Big Trouble, only for a very different audience. And, um, better.

(And rabbis actually do discuss the etymology of virgin.)

Pecanny Pinery
Catherine and Arthur, twins,
Cush’ning those prostrate on
Knees that won’t bend,

Fetched cafeteria,
Aiding those ailing from
Hypoglycemia:
Truly a friend.

No, it’s Jupina.
(Though I still think I prefer Orangina for that type of drink.)

A: Because she’s not tall enough.
Q: What’s the other reason why Barbara Mikulski wouldn’t get this joke?

I discovered a couple weeks ago that "rather accurate" is an oxymoron, but I can't take advantage of this. It's so long after the 60 Minutes scandal that everyone else has forgotten about it, and with the timing wrong it’s not funny enough to try. I had hoped that CBS would have some election-night snafu that would give me an opportunity to share this gem, but alas. What can one do with expired humor?

So between losing (again) and finding my key I came across an empty new journal lying abandoned by a trashcan, which just had to be acquired. However, I’m not exactly sure what to do with the thing. Too perfectionistic to begin to commit irrevocably by staining the bright white pages, I can always just strew them through Away Messages if I do want to record my private thoughts.

Fiddler on the Roof : Latin :: Tevye’s 2 youngest daughters : 4th and 5th declensions

The kleptomania mentioned in an earlier Away Message referred to the Election Judge button I absconded with. I wanted some piece of memorabilia, and without any “I Voted” stickers, the only other thing to take was a fistful of chad, for St. Louis used *those* Votomatic voting machines.

And speaking of stealing and elections, I am even more in favor of Electronic Voting Machines after having served with an alternative. Granted, this is the extreme straw man; but chad aside, the ease of overvoting is ridiculous, and it is not possible for it to be easier to (alleged worst case situation) code false smart-cards than it is to Xerox any of the so many pieces of paper that must impossibly be obsessively tracked, to say nothing of how awful checking for write-ins is.

A huge rush at the morning with a couple spikes in the day, and 88-90% turnout- then practically no one for the final 2 hours? We kept awaiting the huge pre-closing evening rush, until 10 minutes before closing, when we realized it wasn’t happening. So what do poll workers do when it gets slow? Bingo!

There are 6 check-in judges {A-C, D-G, H-K, L-P, Q-S (me for half the day), T-Z}, each with a voter register. By 5 most pages were nearly full, many needing only one more voter. (Absentee balloted were free spaces.) There was a 4-way tie with 2 bingos each with 30 minutes left, and a voter total of 2399; yet no one else came except for a girl who ran up at 7:02 as I was removing the outer signs, who I forget to ask the last name of.

Yay truancy, yay kleptomania, and one more cheer for apathy.

[Okay, that is probably the most unclear way of stating what I'm feeling, but rather than rephrase I'll just refer to the I don't care sentiment.]

Lots of anecdotes, but so tired that I don’t care and so don’t care that I’m tired.

I don't suppose anyone planning to vote around lunchtime might accidentally leave a slice of pizza in the voting booth? Midafternoon snacks would be just as appreciated.

If it didn't violate the election law I must uphold I would also be receptive to arguments against writing in Jon Stewart for President. Because, honestly, I think I would trust him most to lead the country.

“Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday...”
Halloween was as New Year’s Eve was, except with BLT instead of da ba dee da ba daa.

According to Zeno of Elea, halfway done with my paper on Greek Mathematics.
“...the wisdom of a fool won't set you free...”

A bowdlerized single will at least end the SI drought, and considering how tasteless my entries were I suppose I should be grateful that I got anything. Forget deciding whether to chance submitting a misogynistic joke to the Empress; what does one do after she doesn’t get it and requests an explanation?

[Okay, Doughnut Guy seems doable. If anyone has something like an apron, give me a call.]

Any simple good last-minute ideas for a Halloween costume which aren’t based on Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Hold, the phone.

(Though maybe Carnahan and Gore then won't call back?)

Speaking of sweeps: can I pick a great week to stop rooting for the Red Sox? With the kindergarten era preference for the color red and the regular tickets to see the Orioles dominated having been long dissipated, was it so awful to desire a home team I could actually root for?

“Another life awaits me…”
7-hour bus rides are easily undertaken for the wonders of nostalgia with old friends moved away years ago. The reminiscing, the endless chess and card games, the admiration of feline antics, the lunches, the lazy weekends, the glimpsing of new lives with the photographing of old ones: random touches of the eternal past incidentally swept together.
“…for I am not your broom.”

I believe I might have just read the best book I have ever read: Umberto Eco’s “Baudolino”. It is the type of book that reading changes how one reads books. After every chapter, page, and paragraph I had to remind myself, convince myself, repeat to myself that it was not true, so that by the end of the novel I was questioning what truth itself was.

Like other Eco novels, however, it does have a steep period of struggle where the reader must invest himself until the can’t-put-it-down suddenly catches: ~250, I estimate.

Vander wasn't bilt in a day.

If Cardinals/Astros Game 7 didn’t have enough pressure, now the winner will take the World Series. The Astros offer Texas/Massachusetts in a contest appropriate enough for 2004; however, the Cardinals offer me a rootable home team. This is an easy call.

Hypothetically: an hour into a no-buyin poker tournament with about the initial 3250 remaining, you hold AT offsuit. Preflop the 50-100 blinds are raised 1500 by the left-hand player (who holds ~2000 more than you­), which you call after everyone else folds. Flop is 987 rainbow. How do you play?

Yesterday was brought to you by the phrase “Don’t Bother”. I’d explain further except cantaloupe and I’m still trying to decide what should be done with an $85 carabiner.

And speaking of apathy, while I still think that media will eventually merge into politics, even before any new paradigm I wonder why Jon Stewart does not run for office. Aside from being more qualified than, say, Schwarzenegger, he seems to want to make a difference, and most importantly realizes what must not be done better than any other political figure aside from basic voters.

Which is not to imply that an Apathy Club shouldn’t be formed, but it shouldn’t.

Apologies, but couldn't design entries: fourteen grueling harsh innings juxtaposed knowledge, lab, midterm. Now our perennial, quixotic rhyme: "Successor / Two-thousand-four / Undeserved vitriol / Whore"
XOXOXO
Yours zealously,

I finally saw the Tivoed third debate and despite all the reports feel that Kerry did badly, but after his successes in the first 2 debates it doesn't matter at all, and honestly, I don't care. I’m more concerned that Kerry doesn't seem to consider Missouri as a potential swing state anymore.

To sum up the debates:
Who won the first, What took the second, and I don't know the third.

Upward and downward, and downward and downward:
Ascended the arch, and the amazingly cheap markerboard fell down. Descended the arch, and the rehung markerboard broke as it fell again.

So do I just buy another cheap one, or try to salvage this one, or go without though I have been receiving messages? Or just never descend from my room?

Dearest dainty damsel Cat
Your name, it seems, does rhyme with Matt.
(I had to write a poem on that.)
Be back later for a chat.

[Yay bad poetry. It’s that kind of weekend.]

Pulp Fiction was interesting in a way I am still not sure how to otherwise describe. Perhaps contrarian, as if, at points when the audience would have an expectation the opposite would be done. Perhaps a thrill, in the way a roller coaster is a thrill ride: it is more entertaining the more queasy (physically and psychologically) an audience becomes?

1+1+2+1 actually came up in a problem during Calculus study session- but no one else had a Clue.

[And a Hessian matrix is an nxn array that fought for Britain.]

The difference between Christopher Walken and Christopher Reeve is the first guy isn't Reeve, and the second guy isn’t

Part 1 of a Catullus poem: Geography lesson.
Part 2 of a Catullus poem: My mistress is a slut.

[Final chance to find my key…]

"If his name were George, you'd capitalize it; his name is God, not George, so..."

[Still searching for my key, or $85, or my pride. If anyone has any clues *please* let me know.]

My overwhelming concern about my missing key has made it too hard to vanish for the weekend and spread the rumor that a Secret Service agent infiltrated the freshman class to provide an ultimate level of security for the debate.

[If anyone found a Wash U keychain with a room key on it *please* let me know.]
Likely losing one’s keys and thus $85 really dampens any political enthusiasm.

Blah blah Kerry dominates Bush but by less than in Debate 1 so it doesn’t matter that Kerry, having finally shaken the impression of a wishy-washy flip-flopping extreme liberal gave a wishy-washy flip-flopping extreme liberal answer to the abortion question since it’s a tie anyhow.

In a particularly ironic follow-up to 2000, I believe Bush just invented the Internets.

[If anyone found a Wash U keychain with a room key on it *please* let me know ASAP...]

Let reading the Republic be remembered and debating the Democrat be decisive.

Fahrenheit 9/11, seen with it being shown complimentarily, was the propaganda expected. Admittedly the technical quality was rather good; however this may be more of a drawback as the blatant illogic might seem harder to dismiss than that of, say, the lower quality Outfoxed. Buried beneath the preponderance of preposterousness slung throughout are a few potentially intriguing arguments [to be itemized later], half of which thus cannot be accepted without independent confirmation.

Danny’s Law of Work
The time when a task will be finished does not depend on the time the task was started.

Turkigy Armendy
Catherine Anne Karayan,
Farseeing Oracle,
Mistress of Pout,

Torn between many mates,
Auto-prognosticates:
Sibylline sylph with her
Love life in doubt.

At 8:44 pm (Central) on October 2, 2004, Claire Kaufman awoke.

“elatus est” seems like it would be translated as “he [Atticus] is happy”. Not “he is elated”, since the Latin teacher dislikes the mere substitution of English words for Latin. Considering that it was the final line of the final chapter of the final assignment before bed, it did not seem to be worth thinking further about.

However, as revealed to embarrassing laughter, “elatus” is from ex + latum = carried out. This makes more than a slight difference, as Atticus was, at that moment, dead. The fact that he would have been pleased with his funeral arrangements isn’t worth protesting.

Outfoxed is propaganda which I only saw because it could be seen for free. Which is not to imply that Fox News is not as nauseating as is alleged therein or as was stated in a previous Away Message. But the documentary reminded me of an attempt to brainwash people into rejecting freedom of the press. It defines a problem while obfuscating any solution implied. And it contained some embarrassingly ugly PowerPoint.

The premise of democracy is that voters are able to make decisions. If they are unable to correctly choose how to be informed, why even try government? And if they are able to, then why bother caring about Fox News? Why demolish freedom of the press, why encourage illogic over an issue which will have to sort itself out either way?

Messed mixages:
Bonus points for using the future perfect tense: “will have been held”.

If a lower bound exists, then so does the infimum. What exactly was the “pre-September 10th” mentality?

Bush really ought to not make “speaking clearly” a cornerstone of his international strategy. Though he did manage a slight applause line among the College Democrats with “don’t forget Poland”.

Kerry, despite still being such a weak candidate that in the early stages of the debate that Bush actually seemed almost his equal in oratory, got extremely lucky when Bush just lost it ~:40. [Which is about 40 minutes, not a clown emoticon.]

The moderately interesting philosophical question of whether innermost beliefs are by definition inalterable was raised, but who cares.

"The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time", by Mark Haddon, has only prime numbered chapters. It must be read.

If you can read this than you probably shouldn't be unless you can read asdfhaskjhfdasklhfdaksjhfdasksldjnfaskl;jnfdla;sjfdasl;hfdals;jflasdhfakjhfdasl;fjal;shfas;lfdhasl;jfasl;jfasl;fjasl;hfas;ljfhl;asfdjla;shfl;asfhasl;jhfasklhfaskhfasklfhasklhfasklfhasklfhasklfjhasklfhasklfhasklhfasklfhasklfhasklfal;sdfjal;dsjhfas;fjl;asjfdl;sajfl;asdfj;lasjff;lasjfahsfjl;ahfdfasjhd;hfdas;klfhsal;hfas;dlhffas;fdal;skjfasl;djfashfdakdfhfasl;jfasl;dfhls;ajfla;sfjhgasl;dfhgla;skfjadlghasl;fjalsgdhjasl;dghasdjgalf;jhgal;dasl;hgasl;hgdafjghsal;jhd;ljasdhga;shg;asfhgasfd;jashasgjh;ashfdj;shd;ghs;asl;dhgasasdfjasl;fdjasfdl;ajhfdjasasfdjasdfaskjfhkhfasklhfasklhfdaskljhfasdjfhaskldjhfaskldhfaskldhfas the last fifteen cantaloupe words of this sentence, in which case don't worry about it.

Gah.

"You invaded my privacy... my privacy..."

“So that’s a problem with partial derivatives. People could be sleeping along the axes, but there could be a party going on in here.”

“Suppose n = 4. Then there are 4 possible partial derivatives. 1 going that way, 1 going that way, 1 going that way, and 1… going… uh… that way.”

[Speaking of unpublishing: I completely forgot to update my profile. Apologies to those who anticipated my updating my blog.]

Another rut week for the SI, with two of my entries which I did so like:

Whan that Aprill with his shoures Nutrisoote…

and

"Come, Watson, come!" he cried. “The X-Box is unpausing."

More of this weekend’s unpublishable humor:
So we were talking in class the other day and Paris Hilton came up.
As opposed to every other day, when Paris Hilton goes down?

Back, or so it seems. Don't use the pun A# to describe yourself unless you'd likewise use Ab.

Taking a fast trip home.

Today I’m really going to wake up in time for class. And by really I mean like root 2.

I would say I’m rationally going to be in class but I know I can prove that one otherwise.

Tried following “Amazing Race” for a season, with it having been highly recommended. While it was surprisingly watchable for a reality show, I just found the concept to be more exciting than the actual content. It did not compare to the experiences of helping to administer puzzle hunts; I would prefer spending time solving or creating whatever puzzles I might myself. Or perhaps what seemed interesting in summer doldrums could only pale among autumn excitements.

“You can tell it's an election year: James Brolin was nominated for playing a Republican president, and Martin Sheen was nominated for playing a Democratic president, though neither had enough votes to win.”

Likewise, you can tell that it’s not your birthday since J. Garner neither won nor was lying in my bed. Although even were she to there appear as indecently as her bangs you would now be able to view such a spectacle all by your onesies.

I would feel happier depositing my first Work-Study paycheck if $10 from the last check I deposited was not missing.

An edited single in the SI’s online half- no futile paper chase, but I did like:
For he who sees weddings as vile,
No lifelong commitment's worthwhile.
Depressed, he protests
In recess between guests:
No unmarried man is an *aisle*.

And:
The media judge by poll standing
The skill which one has at commanding.
Thus the *approval* percent
At 69 meant
It was time for a fighter jet landing.

A slang-using man did await
An OED-phile, on a date:
He thought she was *aight*
With the plans for the night
But she'd gone off alone to an ait.

And the surrealistically awful:
A Harvard alumnus, cum laude,
Conked his head falling off of a dog sleigh.
He suffered *amnesia*
And thought that Rhodesia
Still hadn't been renamed Zimbabwe.

Walk In, Lay Down, Fall Asleep

A morning without a biscuit is like Rosh Hashanah without kreplah.

Mahzor text aside, I do not really think that logically one should be allowed to pray to be able to pray.

“3. One of the following functions has a limit at (0,0) element of R^2, the other does not. Decide which one has the limit, the value of the limit, and justify your answers for each function.”

3b) Since it is given that either L_a or L_b exists, and L_a DNE, then L_b exists. And since if the limit exists it must be 0, ergo L_b = 0 QED.

Another opportunity for regrets; why must humor always accompany ignorance?

For Secretary.
Because you can’t vote for Emperor.

It’s not the Math Class of Doom. It’s the Math Class of *Infinite* Doom.

“I feel so extraordinary…”

Hurrah for Umrath 4, the dorm’s substance-free hall. For who needs such crudities? Let me be tempered by a liquid more addictive and dependence forming and sensually satisfying.

Grovestand fiat; for it is good; and I see that it is good.

“My morning sun is the drug that brings me near…”

Another excellent week for overlooked SI entries; perhaps it is my fault for exhausting my bad pun quota previously. (numisethic: The gold standard.; numistheism: Belief in the Almighty dollar.)

And I still think ducky defensethink: “Knowful knows; knowwise knowful knows. Knowful unknows; knowwise knowful unknows. Unknowful unknows; unknowwise unknowful unknows. Bush doublepluspatriot.”

        
           

[Deepest settings for shallowest reasons.]

Were I not admiring such a soothing image I would be cursing Paint; but how could I, being moved by such fabulousness that causes me so frequently to hit <Start+D> twice, wait for Photoshop?

Besides, I am busy enough being paid for Excel and declaiming Word.

OMG PUT PSYCHOLOGY AS YOUR FIRST INTEREST
OMG you just failed Resume Writing 101
OMG

Safeway Specialty Sandwiches incorrectly advertises offering “every 8th one free”. It should read “every nth st n is congruent to 0 (mod 8) one free”.

“Future equivalence: using = instead of ==. From now on, they’re equal.”

One of the advantages to having a friend who works at Microsoft is that requests to have Bill Gates’s tires slashed if an alleged feature isn’t reworked can be easily forwarded. Not that this has ever been done.
But presuming Mr. Gates is reading my Away Message:

Outlook, while allowing multiple signatures to be stored, only allows 1 (set as default) to be displayed on outgoing e-mail. If a user wanted a different one, they were instructed by the help file to copy and paste the stored signatures buried in submenus. Besides being ridiculously inefficient and dumb, this is no more a feature than being able to manually type in signatures character by character for each e-mail would be.

Doubled in this week’s SI, which is particularly impressive since for my life I could not find rhythm that week. (Excepting the “And Last” entry, which compensated by not having a rhyme able to be found for my life; although it does receive e-mailed kudos from the Empress.) St. Louis honors my first attribution here by not having a single Sunday Washington Post available, despite my labors. I need a holiday.

While it did feel good to help set up the unfortunately titled Blow Middle School, it hardly makes up for missing a best friend who moved away in middle school who happened to be in town for the day. (Which however is not as unfortunate as doing most of a 3-part question which was not part of the problem set.)

Though now I have new friends: those who would open up their showers to me bereft of hot water.

Watching Bob Saget be more vulgar than Danny Tanner ever could be is as jarring as being thrown from a bull.

I wouldn't want to belong to any yahoogroup that would have me listed in a "members" section on the menu to the left.

"Arbor... crescit... in Brooklyn!" Lepidum libellum, indeed.

Cassell's ugly blurried-faberdieu dictionary will be there in about a month, so that you might translate that when you finish "Quis hic locus? Quae regio? Quae mundis plaga?". When your eyes do tire of straining, Chambers Murray will have been recommended.

"An iguana, not a [sic] iguanodon..." "...walks into a bar.”

Saw Animal House because it was being shown and I had not seen it. I’m told it’s a simile.

Lost $7, found 4 decks of cards. Not sure whether I come out ahead.

“We ask you to choose your major in your sophomore year. We do that because that’s when we want you to choose your major.”

No SI mentions this week: I suppose Mark Hacking jokes are still considered in bad taste. (Perhaps I should have tried: Proposing in your testimony as a character witness for the defense of Scott Peterson.) Whether proposing through the SI would be cool or otherwise remains a hypothesized gender difference.

I have something special for you, something I’ve been saving for a long time. It may not seem like much, but has great sentimental value, and one day it might be worth something indeed. I will regret giving it up, but I hope that you’ll carry it with you from now on and think of me whenever you use it.

Please accept my Cosi card, and think of me when you eat that free sandwich.

1 free packet of Ramen noodles with purchase of textbooks.

In "Per Veritatem Vis", Vis is translated as strength, not power.

When I began Away Messaging, I lasted about 2 weeks before stopping. Yet after a two month hiatus, I resumed, and from there I did not stop for over two years, until Vanessa’s presence made AIM temporarily untenable. Now her absence does similarly to blogging.

So when we do reunite, I am not sure which I will choose to resume. Away Messaging provides an illusion of communication, whereas blogging I write for only myself. I must weigh the freedoms from character limits against the presence of camaraderie against the nostalgic flexibility archives provide.

Perhaps I will be too busy to do either.

“There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west/And my spirit is crying for leaving.”

This is mine… in that you will explode if you try to step on it.

I really hate buying shoes, particularly sandals. My feet are so narrow that it’s basically New Balance, but they have a poor selection regarding comfort. Other brands are too wide to not flop off my feet unless I choose a size too small in length. A triply-adjustable pair in a close enough size should not be this legendary.

Outlook hazy, trying again. As much as I’d like to blame the Microsoft, they’re not the culpable monopoly: Don’t like the cable people.

Who was that [on the phone]?
“‘Would you like to give money?’
No thank you.
‘Really, would you like to give money?’
No thank you.
‘Oh. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to give money?’”

As hard as it is to root for a team playing as badly as the Frederick Keys did in their double-header losses (11-7, 5-1), it is so much easier than rooting for a team named the Warthogs.

Only now discovering that months and years before I was twice blocked on AIM. While neither inexplicable nor even unsuspected, it still feels a little odd having the blow land so long after being dealt.

A quick little decathlon puzzle. (Registration required.) It's probably the most involved I will become in observing the 2004 Olympics; historically I've always preferred the Winter. I might try something like badminton or fencing, but I'm already meeting this weekend's quota of athletic observation through a minor league game on Sunday.

All of the phone numbers have fallen out of your address book. Whose number do you look for first and why?

My own old cell phone, bequeathed to one to who would appropriately commiserate and mock.

Lobelia and Saruman, similar tangential annoyances, oppose each other having been forgotten. One succumbs to a fatal spiral of tragedy; yet the other somehow lives happily ever until the end of her days, having been redeemed to become, of all things, a Brandybuck.

"Hobbits really are amazing creatures… You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet… they can still surprise you…"

Poison Ivy :(

Despite my negative epicurean score on almost every other question, I am very satisfied to have my preference for chicken wings affirmed. This week revealed chess to be less funny than bridge; though I wonder which is more funny.

"For question six, deduct a point if you said "radicchio." I'm not even going to get into why, you pretentious, dishonest snot."

A triple in this week’s Style Invitational! My unprinted entries included a couple of extremely obscure facts I was not surprised to have rejected, a version of the classic cereal killer pun, and the MacGuyer WMD boxcutter joke. However, I am most disappointed about fallacious googlewhacking: Submitting a two-word phrase with zero hits to a googlewhack contest so that the phrase becomes a googlewhack after it is printed as a contest winner; also known as competitio principii., since I won’t be able to submit competitio principii to the end of the year SI. (Ignoring the various listings of the phrase on this page.)

“Head, shoulders, knees…” Potential dehydration and poison ivy have to be forgotten after a misstep at Great Falls leaves me with a nice collection of abrasions and without a few seconds of consciousness.

Vanessa steps into extra memory, however.

Bishop for a couple hours, futilely defending the White King: Qc1# (0-1). More successful as a gem collecting bouncer, although it was a trifle hard to hear through the miter. Hopefully, despite every chessmen forgetting to bring a working camera, pictures will still be able to be obtained. With my second puzzle hunt behind-the-scene credit collected, perhaps I will have enough experience to create my own, or at least compete in one.

4 drivers, 3 cars, 2 more weeks, and a partridge in a pear tree; yet 2Amys is accomplished, thanks to my non-leper bratty little sister (who keeps her hands to herself).

What was that dessert?
“A fried milk ball in honey.”
No, I mean, what’s it called?
“I don’t know; just google "fried milk ball in honey", and you’ll have to hit a site on Indian desserts.”
“Along with a thousand porn sites.”

Pickled mangos consist of a combination of tastes which, while good separately, should not be experienced simultaneously.

“When I make good chicken, you don’t need to put balsamic vinaigrette on it. When I get lousy chicken, you can put balsamic vinaigrette on that.”
Well, this is good balsamic vinaigrette. If you got lousy vinaigrette, he wouldn’t put it on the chicken.

Don’t take diet advice from people selling food.

Last night's oxymoron:
"Do you eat out at home?"

Extrapolating from a sample of 3, I conclude that one favors chewing on one side of one's mouth, likely the side which one otherwise favors.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink out of one side of his mouth.

"So many adventures couldn't happen today..."

Last chance to suggestion what I won't be doing for my birthday this year.

Nor do I know what I would want to be given, besides [elephant!!!] pancakes. (Peroxide, perhaps- that was an embarrassing Birthday Eve. And floss, apparently.) The monumental event is upcoming, and I've received so much for that that a mere birthday seems too trivial.

For what would I be celebrating? Was Sunday's child too old or too young? Who could avoid worrying about awkwardness with fortune cookie advice like "Watch your relations with other people carefully,be[sic] reserved."? Does today depend on yesteryear?

On average I am average. Without acknowledging last year I have a good time today. With acknowledging last year I have a good time today. It is today. I will have a good time.

"Forever young, I want to be forever young..."

The problem with the World War II Memorial is that it is a memorial for World War II. Not that WW2 should not be remembered; but the Mall has no grand Revolutionary War Memorial or Civil War Memorial, yet each of those conflicts were more important to American History. This is hardly unique, for the Korean and Vietnam Wars similarly are memorialized; and the conflict must be remembered in some manner. But a just doesn't feel appropriate, not there. Neither the obelisk of Washington, which allegedly represents the Revolutionary War, and the temple of Lincoln, which allegedly represents the Civil War, need to state their conflicts in central triumphal glorification bordering on nostalgic propoganda. What message was added to F. Roosevelt's memorial?

(And no, the best time to see it is not after sunset.)

Compose the lyrics to a new national anthem that features an animal sound at least once:

I didn't even have something to submit for the recent similar Style Invitational, which didn't have the additional onomatopoeic restriction. And I really do enjoy the current anthem's poetry, and for that reason regard it, as when hypothetically transforming American Pie, to be foolishly sacrilegious. And I had a traumatic incident in kindergarten regarding audio creativity. And I’m uninspired.

Considering I did really well in this week's SI despite not submitting anything, I think I'll take a pass here too.

There's an out-of-print Clue variant called Clue Master Detective, differing from the regular version mostly by offering more possibilities {10 suspects, 8 weapons, 12 rooms}. Also, certain squares of an enlarged board allow when passed over one to snoop a card from another's hand. (There is a slight procedural difference when making suggestions which isn't necessarily necessary.)

Generally, the strategy is don't be the Candlestick and wander the hallways.

Why do her parents travel so much? Does her father sell airplanes parts?
You know, *our* father sells airplane parts.

So let's say you have a hypothetical poker game. You're not playing in it, though, just hosting, with, say, 4 others playing. And then you get another group of 4 together, and have them bet on who wins the poker game. (Like in "Rat Race", sort of.) But then you get a third group of 4, and have them bet on who wins the second group's bet. And then have a fourth group bet on the third group. Now, what would happen if you had the first group stop playing poker and instead bet on the fourth group?
The world blows up.
Maybe I could sell this to North Korea.

Bratty Little Sister : Spit :: Self : Candyland

There's a little known rule that when one reaches the end of the Candyland board, one starts going backwards, allowing the game to keep going, potentially indefinitely, unless one cheats to allow the other player to win. The same might be needed for Spit games at odd hours of the night.

Really, why haven't Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp ever done anything together? The only reason I can think of is perhaps they have religious differences. Like one's a Methodist and the other's Episcopalian.
Because they're so religious.
They are! Angelina Jolie is definitely a Satanist. And Johnny Depp's a Mormon.

Elephant and elephant: Before and after dipping into the Natural History museum for its Western Civilization exhibit, I had occasion to stop by the Zoo, where I observed a mommy elephant and a baby elephant enjoying an educational lunch. The baby repeatedly tried to master the skill of pulling branches off of trees, a task requiring a movement of simultaneously pulling and twisting. However, he attempted only the former, wrapping his trunk around a large branch and walking backwards until it slipped from its grasp. The mother would allow the baby to munch on decreasing amounts of dropped foliage from her own bundle after each failure, but she finally left seeming to have given up disappointedly. I myself had the worst snow cone I had ever tried to eat before giving up and throwing half of it out in disgust. It seemed to be flavored red-, yellow-, and blue-food coloring. There just really isn’t anything good to eat at the Zoo unless you’re a carnivore.

Rockville’s Tara Asia, besides not having a Tara Thai within 5 blocks, offers discounts at Regal, providing a bonus if one irresponsibly were to not purchase tickets beforehand. “I, Robot” was interesting enough for me to want to read Asimov’s, though only a copy of the New Yorker could be found. At least I got to meet one of the adoring fans of “Danny is cool” club.

Do you ever narrate what you're doing like a movie promo?
"It looked good from every angle. Except one angle...
...the right angle."
I used to a lot, but now only when I hang streamers.

Hence:
"It was a seemingly nice day out. Mid 70s, maybe brimming the 80s. Everything seemed pleasant. It was a good day for a party...
...and then the air conditioning broke."

(Happy 60th.)

I did have the opportunity to expose my Inker statuette, although no luck in this week's Style Invitational, despite my submitting a couple tasteless entries. {pedicure: (n) surgical procedure repeatedly yet unsuccessfully attempted by Michael Jackson.} But while anyone can make Pedophilia jokes, who can make Philadephia jokes? And at 1:30 AM?

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Ben Franklin.
Ben Franklin who?
Been frank, Linda, but I think I'll be dishonest from now on.

"Dixitque Dominus ad me ecce coepi tradere tibi Seon et terram eius incipe possidere eam. Egressusque est Seon obviam nobis cum omni populo suo ad proelium in Iesa. Et tradidit eum Dominus Deus noster nobis percussimusque eum cum filiis et omni populo suo. Cunctasque urbes in tempore illo cepimus interfectis habitatoribus earum viris ac mulieribus et parvulis non reliquimus in eis quicquam."

Deuteronomy 2:31-34

If anyone hasn't had a chance to watch Ken Jennings on Jeopardy, tonight is the final episode of the season. At $1,246,660 over 37 days he has broken every existing Jeopardy record (except for the single day total, which he has tied 3 times). In real life, he writes trivia questions, in addition to watching movies.

[Make that $1,321,660 over 38 days, with every record broken.]

[For those as new to this as me, these questions and answers appear at View my complete profile to the right.]

Just when I thought I had escaped character limits. *150*?!

For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:
Your gift recalls not only one grandfather’s pancakes, but also my other grandfather’s syrup farm; but since I don't do roosters, I have to return it.

I had to excise all of the formulaic touches which added to the nuances of sincerity and insincerity. ("Thank you so much for you thoughtful gift/It was really thoughtful/Hope to see you soon.") Still, these prompts seem fun enough to try, say, weekly.

(The correct gift would have been an elephant, although partial credit might be available for something feline. The day, incidentally, is a week from Tuesday.)

It is funny what one can discover by venturing back to high school, even at 10:30 PM in the middle of summer. Like a perfectly good umbrella lying extended behind the bike racks out front, just waiting for someone to claim it.

And if one were to not go on an abortive nostalgic traipsing through the building, "I suddenly had to go to Home Depot and pick up some boards", while implausible enough to be believable, would not be an acceptable excuse.

[Bratty little sister's message taking skills might be. Do better next time, or I might link to you!]

Things are changing

Foremost, I will be beginning to attend Washington University in a few weeks.  For that I have obtained many new things, prominent among which is a computer, the fabulous Vanessa.  Which, being connected by a most unreliable wireless connection, makes daily Away Messages impractical and inefficient just when I have so much I want to say.  So, appropriately enough, it is time to try something new.
 
Let EmpTyger eternally rule over yesterday.  It is time for the present; now let AnnydayEveryday be. 
 
It might take a while to settle into a format, so please be patient.  I will try to predate some Away Messages: at the very least since my Away Messaging was interrupted, and time permitting possibly back to January 2002.  Traditions begun with them will be continued as they arise.