Don't painstakingly neatly write out the entire cast and script of a movie on the DVD beautifully until you've successfully burned it.
That resonates with the modern audience better than don't count your chickens before they hatch. My chickens don't hatch. They are grilled or breaded.
Yesterday I was hardboiling some eggs. And you know that noise of air squeaking by things?
I might know that noise, but we are not on a first name basis.
So like, they were boiling, but there maybe was like an infinitesimal crack in one, which did no damage, but the sound of the weensy amount of air escaping, it sounded chickenly. Which was sad sounding, but I'm pretty sure it was just air. Insofar as if a chick were inside, he wouldn't have just sat there silently during the fridge stage.
Oh, poor little confused refrigerator chick.

“I’ve had my fun, and now it’s time to…”

No rhyme.

“…We’d circle and we'd circle and we'd circle to stop and consider…”

No reason.

“…I've got my spine, I've got my orange…”

Too much light makes the baby go blind as a bat.

I’m using a person day.
[personal]
“No, please leave it at person day.”
[person]

I need to have personal days and brunch more often.

Today I didn't send you a link. It's pretty straightforward coolness. I figure you prefer clever sly coolness.
I had brunch today. That was straightforwardly cool. Actually, it was cleverly slyly cool also. It was 2 kinds of cool.
Sweet deal.

Gods eat ambrosia; the rest of us have brunch.
[Drop by my apartment 11:30am-1:30pm.]

"R[]'s arguments never have a hole in the middle of them" bagels.

"The philosophical question 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg' is so beneath R[]'s genius that any allusion to the question is an insult" omelets.

"To promote world peace, R[] respects all religions equally, including their dietary restrictions" bacon.

"R[] is not flaky” croissants.

"2% implies imperfection, and R[] is perfect in every way" milk.

"Out of solidarity with oppressed peoples everywhere, R[] will not tolerate the symbolic injustice of fruit squeezed against its will" orange juice.

The long and short of it.

Lobsters have teeth in their stomach.

“To a lobster, taste and digestion are the same process; savoring is the same as sustaining.”

When life hands you lemons, take 2 and stuff your pockets with Rice Krispy Treats and pretzel Goldfish.

“What happened to your arm?”
“I broke my collarbone.”
Have we learned nothing?
“I’m sorry, I was in a Mexican pinata fight.”

All that, and a bag of chips I left 3 weeks ago next to 2 bible mix CDs and the 23rd volume of the 1985 Encyclopedia Britannica.

“You know B[]? He stepped on my face.”
You get it.

“Where were you and E[] on the 24 of November, 1946?”
I don't know E[]'s whereabouts *now*, much less 60+ years ago.
“So you don't have an alibi.”
Well, technically, I just can't provide him with one. I've reserving 5th amendment in my own case.
“Rumor has it that both you and E[] have been involved in a rash of murders, mostly at night, as well as participating in quite a bit of lynching.”
Oh, that's a fun rumor. Who told you that?
“I didn't think this silliness out any further than this.”
Well, technically, neither had I, now had I.

Up to scratch.

I still reel, still feel sick:
Still seeking trick
I raise my head: Instead of *click*
There’s still a wall of brick.

“And every single day is just a fling…”

Adventure is harder than it looks.

“…Just in time / Thank anybody…”

I need either an insomnia buddy or sleep.

“…Then the morning comes…”

Ragtime is an American Les Miserables.

“I can feel: too much is never enough…”

The problem with taught essay writing: either the quotes are fake and contrived, or the ideas aren’t one’s own.

“…I don’t deserve you unless it’s some kind of hidden message…”

Whither the 4th grade butterfly presentation?

“…The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance…”

Whence the butterfly?

“…You’re my butterfly…”

So I was reading the ingredients of British Sudafed and that's too hilarious a clause for me to finish this sentence. Sorry. Give me a second.

Amaizement.

There’s a fine line between hobby and profession.

OCTOBER is National Recycling Month*

CAN RECYCLE
White and colored paper
Staples, paper clips, sticky sides, plastic windows
Newsprint and magazines
Cardboard

CAN’T RECYCLE
Hardbound books
Tissue paper
Napkins
Lobsters

*Actually, it’s April. But you wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t told you just now.

I remember this place.

I had a Florence/Chrono Trigger crossover dream. I got lost because Florence was a bunch of escalators, and some of them were time traveling.

“I’m punching my card / Eight hours, for what / Oh tell, me what I got…”

Not here, but hear.

“…You can fly if you'd only cut / Loose, footloose / Kick off your Sunday shoes…”

Not wear, but where.

“…Burning, yearning for / Somebody to tell you / That life ain't passing you by…”

Not moral, but morale.

“…C'mon before we crack / Lose your blues / Everybody cut footloose…”