I need to do laundry, so I won’t.

Sorry- and this is the least good excuse ever- I decided to cut off the legs of a pair of pants.
Are you kidding? That's an awesome excuse.
I just saw myself as like Van Gogh, artist who has to cut off his own ear. only one day got up, saw it was raining, didn't want to get pants wet, and after struggling with wardrobe for forty minutes, cut off the legs of her pants.

“I told R[] the truth.”
What was the occasion, or, it’s Wednesday?
“It’s Wednesday.”

“Who’s M[]?”
James Bond[]’s boss.

Preserving identification and anonymity is a delicate balance between generality and specificity. What does not depend on the individual can be abstracted to a generic first, second, and third persons. Those who heard can listen to the shoutout; the rest will substutite curiosity for vanity.

I’m pro-asking.
It’s like pro-choice.

If you ever need to show up on my doorstep, you don't even need to ask.

“Was it you I got into a discussion about Mounds/Almond Joy ads with?”
Maybe?
“And I didn't believe you that there was a part after the “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't” bit. And you said there was.”
And I wikied it to proved you wrong?
“And I didn't believe you?”
Yes.
“So I just youtubed an ad. Congratulations, you were right. But it sounds ridiculous. “Mounds don't.” What kind of lyric is that?”
Spondaic.
“Oh, also, because my brother is having an existential crisis: Care to explain the difference between Michael Jackson and Keira Knightley? Apparently N[] can't figure it out.”
Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

Stressed stressed / long long

“Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place / You could tell how we felt…”

Seeing people who you’ve just seen, haven’t seen in too long, and just met.
Playing games you play well, are out of practice of, and just learned.
Doing what you always do, used to do, and then something completely new.

“…We were spinning in circles…”

There’s a critical difference between having too much to do and having not the time to do it.

“…We forgot where we were, and we lost track of time…”

What happened last night?
Morning began.

“…And we danced on into the night…”

Needs more ‘l’.

That’s really soid.

Start & Steak & Shake & Stop

Day 8
Human gets fresh scones
Mouse gets fresh bedding
Fish gets fresh bowl
Cat gets fresh litter
Cat tries to eat Mouse, but fails
Mouse tries to eat Mouse, but fails
Fish tries to take over world, but fails
Human enjoys long weekend

The sky is Calypso-colored.
(I just needed to tell someone.)

Current standings
1) Human
2) Cat
3) Fish
4) Mouse

Once upon a time it was known that everything was knowable. Understanding was a matter of time, and time was infinite. Once upon a time everything was known, except the future. And then one day it changed. You are not unique. You are not special. The brilliances that wove themselves into tapestries have become tattered and incomplete rags; the sun that rose to illuminate the multitude of shadow hits zenith at noon. And it is then that you realize what and how mothers of fathers and fathers of mothers have known and forgotten for ages and ages.

One day, you too will fade.

omgscones

“Here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.”

Sometimes fewer antics are needed.

“Is she dating G[]? Because, trust me, that would be a bad idea.”
<realizes the implications of what was just said>
“No, it's just, one time we were both drunk...”
<realizes the implications of what was just said>
Just stop right now. This story's not going to get better.

Inept.

“<looks over> Google it.”

“Please me / Please me / Stop at the store…”

And as I'm waiting there, I realize that I'd really like to make enchiladas. So I ditch her and do so.

“…Call me, text me, answer the phone / And make it…”

A bin of toothpaste boxes sat halfway down the candy aisle, like a postsecret whose caption would read, “I realize I don’t belong here. / (But then I wonder that maybe it’s here which doesn’t belong.)”

“…Shut up…”

“Held captive by orcs in Barad-Dur. Have been forced to watch “Flipper” over and over until give in and tell them where Ring is. Damn evil methods of torture refined over millennia. Will not give in. Will remain strong.”

Epic epic movie watching.

“Orcs have switched to repeat viewings of “The Faculty.” Cannot cope. Have told them where Ring is.”

Day 1
Human gets Fish
Human gets Mouse
Fish notices Cat
Cat notices Mouse
Cat tries to get Mouse
Cat falls down
Cat throws up
Human cleans up

In a previous Away Message I realized that I needed to have taken more classes with L[].
I didn’t realize that L[] also needed to have taken more classes with me.

Current standings
1) Fish
2) Mouse
3) Human
4) Cat

Cleaning things up.

LittleD[]’s little sister has assignment for BigD[] filed under things D[] wants to do but needs nudging from LittleL[]: buy a mango or avocado, enjoy.
BigL[]’s big brother was going to give some graduatorial words of wisdom to Big and LittleL[]s, but didn’t get time, but he realizes they don’t need it.
Big and LittleL[]s are smiling, bigly and littlely.

Say the things you want me to say yourself.

A shot across the Beau.

“What was that?”
“Challenge to a shotgun.”
“Ah. <pause> Is that that important?”
“Yes.”