Feeling better, back in my dorm. Cell phone is effectively dead, so use my room phone (5-1392).

Thanks for all the care- you guys are awesome.

If anyone has one of those forehead thermometers, come to U102

Sleeping Beauty become a pumpkin. Time to tell a make-believe story about a showing of Into the Woods.

“We are leaving EARLY FRIDAY MORNING. I forget exactly what time, but we'll say it on Thursday. A[], we will take a chainsaw to your door to get you out of bed if we need to.”

Texas Chainsaw Aperture

<0>

If a girl is waiting for me outside Ursa's, I can hit Bear's Den in under 2 minutes.

1:58:57, to be exact, but I'm positive I can improve on that.

I offer without support that Rodriguez was likely frustrated by a text he was required to study in college, and this is an ironic attempt to have his audience empathize with him.

o TROGDOR o kaiomenoV

To begin, draw a sigma, for snake... er, drakwn, whatever. Next, we’ll draw a more different sigma.

“Trogdor was a man... I mean, he was a dragon-man... er, maybe he was just a dragon...”

<== You must be this tall to date C[]

The package is in the mailbox

“There’s no glossary?"
Yep. That’s what we just discovered this morning.
<professor enters>
“So it’s just as well I didn’t buy the book.”

“Someone wrote ‘Lectures are boring but at least Prof. G[] seems to be enjoying himself.’”

“This is like my personal belief in God, but I don’t believe the author sat down and was like, ‘I’m going to emphasize fs in this paragraph.’.”

“I wonder if the copyright logo is copyrighted. (c)(c)”

“What’s Brownesque about this?”
“Anger.”

It sounds like a euphemism, like for chatting: ‘My brother and I were shooting the cat...’

I had several opportunities to make several rather tasteless remarks about Terry Schiavo, but, probably for the best, didn’t.

Does anyone have brilliant April Fool’s ideas which don’t involve having the humor-impaired campus newspaper suffer thousands in damages?

If not, the usual...
A fireman carrying a screwdriver runs into an elementary school classroom and says, “Listen very carefully, children... This is not a drill.”

I will look back on 3/30/05 9am-3pm as one of the highlights of my life. I still don’t know how I did that.

When pre-frosh are visiting, which headlines are from the campus newspaper, which from the underground parody?

Bon Appetit to begin charging dorm entry fee
Israel-Palestine conflict resolved entirely within Student Life forum section
“Kick the kosher cart” campaign causes campus controversy
Prof screens graphic porn films to provoke conversation
Student defecates in RA’s dorm room
Student Life stolen from newsstands

[2 of the real ones formed part of a trifecta on fark.com]

Saw Goodbye Lenin, which besides fascinatingly turning the fall of Communism into comedy, manages to simultaneously transform the perpetrated lie into an allegory for Communism itself. Aside from a craving for pickles, it promotes a particularly poignancy. It is more remarkable for accomplishing comedy by being intelligent.

I probably could have done better at the single-elimination chess event in the Residential College Olympics had I realized when my 10:30 match began before 11:15.

“I was dying in your arms tonight...”

This Easter thing is actually kind of cool. My egg is so awesome. It’s *plaid*. It makes cool patterns when spun. It’s so pretty I don’t want to eat it.

So I don't have to keep carrying it around, can I just leave my egg in your refrigerator?
"Wait, your refrigerator has an egg slot?"
"Of course! Don't all refrigerators have egg slots?"
"Mine doesn't have an egg slot."
Mine doesn't either.
"Wait, you don't have egg slots? I don't know if I can talk to you two any more!"
I think I need to tell you something: see, girls have egg slots, guys don't.

Still not sure what the third game in Tripoley is.

“From the halls of Montezuma...”

A Plutonic relationship is one without romantic intimacy: to love someone only for their money.

Half a box of Samoas is better than none.

“To what do you attribute the greatest cause of global warming?”
Cows.

At 1:20 in the morning, I am “somewhat informed about global warming”, “hell yes concerned about it [...] but the Kyoto protocol won't do a damn thing”, feel that US efforts rate a 3 “compared to other nations' efforts at combating global warming” where “US” is not well-defined, and “don’t really give a fuck about current data that supports the argument that excessive fuel use is contributing to climate change”. [Sorry, but I am being given a survey at 1:20AM.]

[This Away Message will remain incomplete until I decide how much material from Monday I should commit to a non-Monday Away Message. In the meantime, I apologize. And this week might be one of extreme apathy.]