All of the phone numbers have fallen out of your address book. Whose number do you look for first and why?

My own old cell phone, bequeathed to one to who would appropriately commiserate and mock.

Lobelia and Saruman, similar tangential annoyances, oppose each other having been forgotten. One succumbs to a fatal spiral of tragedy; yet the other somehow lives happily ever until the end of her days, having been redeemed to become, of all things, a Brandybuck.

"Hobbits really are amazing creatures… You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet… they can still surprise you…"

Poison Ivy :(

Despite my negative epicurean score on almost every other question, I am very satisfied to have my preference for chicken wings affirmed. This week revealed chess to be less funny than bridge; though I wonder which is more funny.

"For question six, deduct a point if you said "radicchio." I'm not even going to get into why, you pretentious, dishonest snot."

A triple in this week’s Style Invitational! My unprinted entries included a couple of extremely obscure facts I was not surprised to have rejected, a version of the classic cereal killer pun, and the MacGuyer WMD boxcutter joke. However, I am most disappointed about fallacious googlewhacking: Submitting a two-word phrase with zero hits to a googlewhack contest so that the phrase becomes a googlewhack after it is printed as a contest winner; also known as competitio principii., since I won’t be able to submit competitio principii to the end of the year SI. (Ignoring the various listings of the phrase on this page.)

“Head, shoulders, knees…” Potential dehydration and poison ivy have to be forgotten after a misstep at Great Falls leaves me with a nice collection of abrasions and without a few seconds of consciousness.

Vanessa steps into extra memory, however.

Bishop for a couple hours, futilely defending the White King: Qc1# (0-1). More successful as a gem collecting bouncer, although it was a trifle hard to hear through the miter. Hopefully, despite every chessmen forgetting to bring a working camera, pictures will still be able to be obtained. With my second puzzle hunt behind-the-scene credit collected, perhaps I will have enough experience to create my own, or at least compete in one.

4 drivers, 3 cars, 2 more weeks, and a partridge in a pear tree; yet 2Amys is accomplished, thanks to my non-leper bratty little sister (who keeps her hands to herself).

What was that dessert?
“A fried milk ball in honey.”
No, I mean, what’s it called?
“I don’t know; just google "fried milk ball in honey", and you’ll have to hit a site on Indian desserts.”
“Along with a thousand porn sites.”

Pickled mangos consist of a combination of tastes which, while good separately, should not be experienced simultaneously.

“When I make good chicken, you don’t need to put balsamic vinaigrette on it. When I get lousy chicken, you can put balsamic vinaigrette on that.”
Well, this is good balsamic vinaigrette. If you got lousy vinaigrette, he wouldn’t put it on the chicken.

Don’t take diet advice from people selling food.

Last night's oxymoron:
"Do you eat out at home?"

Extrapolating from a sample of 3, I conclude that one favors chewing on one side of one's mouth, likely the side which one otherwise favors.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink out of one side of his mouth.

"So many adventures couldn't happen today..."

Last chance to suggestion what I won't be doing for my birthday this year.

Nor do I know what I would want to be given, besides [elephant!!!] pancakes. (Peroxide, perhaps- that was an embarrassing Birthday Eve. And floss, apparently.) The monumental event is upcoming, and I've received so much for that that a mere birthday seems too trivial.

For what would I be celebrating? Was Sunday's child too old or too young? Who could avoid worrying about awkwardness with fortune cookie advice like "Watch your relations with other people carefully,be[sic] reserved."? Does today depend on yesteryear?

On average I am average. Without acknowledging last year I have a good time today. With acknowledging last year I have a good time today. It is today. I will have a good time.

"Forever young, I want to be forever young..."

The problem with the World War II Memorial is that it is a memorial for World War II. Not that WW2 should not be remembered; but the Mall has no grand Revolutionary War Memorial or Civil War Memorial, yet each of those conflicts were more important to American History. This is hardly unique, for the Korean and Vietnam Wars similarly are memorialized; and the conflict must be remembered in some manner. But a just doesn't feel appropriate, not there. Neither the obelisk of Washington, which allegedly represents the Revolutionary War, and the temple of Lincoln, which allegedly represents the Civil War, need to state their conflicts in central triumphal glorification bordering on nostalgic propoganda. What message was added to F. Roosevelt's memorial?

(And no, the best time to see it is not after sunset.)

Compose the lyrics to a new national anthem that features an animal sound at least once:

I didn't even have something to submit for the recent similar Style Invitational, which didn't have the additional onomatopoeic restriction. And I really do enjoy the current anthem's poetry, and for that reason regard it, as when hypothetically transforming American Pie, to be foolishly sacrilegious. And I had a traumatic incident in kindergarten regarding audio creativity. And I’m uninspired.

Considering I did really well in this week's SI despite not submitting anything, I think I'll take a pass here too.

There's an out-of-print Clue variant called Clue Master Detective, differing from the regular version mostly by offering more possibilities {10 suspects, 8 weapons, 12 rooms}. Also, certain squares of an enlarged board allow when passed over one to snoop a card from another's hand. (There is a slight procedural difference when making suggestions which isn't necessarily necessary.)

Generally, the strategy is don't be the Candlestick and wander the hallways.

Why do her parents travel so much? Does her father sell airplanes parts?
You know, *our* father sells airplane parts.

So let's say you have a hypothetical poker game. You're not playing in it, though, just hosting, with, say, 4 others playing. And then you get another group of 4 together, and have them bet on who wins the poker game. (Like in "Rat Race", sort of.) But then you get a third group of 4, and have them bet on who wins the second group's bet. And then have a fourth group bet on the third group. Now, what would happen if you had the first group stop playing poker and instead bet on the fourth group?
The world blows up.
Maybe I could sell this to North Korea.

Bratty Little Sister : Spit :: Self : Candyland

There's a little known rule that when one reaches the end of the Candyland board, one starts going backwards, allowing the game to keep going, potentially indefinitely, unless one cheats to allow the other player to win. The same might be needed for Spit games at odd hours of the night.

Really, why haven't Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp ever done anything together? The only reason I can think of is perhaps they have religious differences. Like one's a Methodist and the other's Episcopalian.
Because they're so religious.
They are! Angelina Jolie is definitely a Satanist. And Johnny Depp's a Mormon.

Elephant and elephant: Before and after dipping into the Natural History museum for its Western Civilization exhibit, I had occasion to stop by the Zoo, where I observed a mommy elephant and a baby elephant enjoying an educational lunch. The baby repeatedly tried to master the skill of pulling branches off of trees, a task requiring a movement of simultaneously pulling and twisting. However, he attempted only the former, wrapping his trunk around a large branch and walking backwards until it slipped from its grasp. The mother would allow the baby to munch on decreasing amounts of dropped foliage from her own bundle after each failure, but she finally left seeming to have given up disappointedly. I myself had the worst snow cone I had ever tried to eat before giving up and throwing half of it out in disgust. It seemed to be flavored red-, yellow-, and blue-food coloring. There just really isn’t anything good to eat at the Zoo unless you’re a carnivore.

Rockville’s Tara Asia, besides not having a Tara Thai within 5 blocks, offers discounts at Regal, providing a bonus if one irresponsibly were to not purchase tickets beforehand. “I, Robot” was interesting enough for me to want to read Asimov’s, though only a copy of the New Yorker could be found. At least I got to meet one of the adoring fans of “Danny is cool” club.

Do you ever narrate what you're doing like a movie promo?
"It looked good from every angle. Except one angle...
...the right angle."
I used to a lot, but now only when I hang streamers.

Hence:
"It was a seemingly nice day out. Mid 70s, maybe brimming the 80s. Everything seemed pleasant. It was a good day for a party...
...and then the air conditioning broke."

(Happy 60th.)

I did have the opportunity to expose my Inker statuette, although no luck in this week's Style Invitational, despite my submitting a couple tasteless entries. {pedicure: (n) surgical procedure repeatedly yet unsuccessfully attempted by Michael Jackson.} But while anyone can make Pedophilia jokes, who can make Philadephia jokes? And at 1:30 AM?

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Ben Franklin.
Ben Franklin who?
Been frank, Linda, but I think I'll be dishonest from now on.