1) The Orbit Gum Girl has a British accent
2) Keira Knightly has a British accent.
3) Keira Knightly is a 34B.
4) A[] is a 34B.
5) I dated A[].
Therefore: I have dated the Orbit Gum Girl QED
"You'd need less deduction if I were blonde."

Illogic is more powerful than logic; it does everything logic can do (for what is more illogical than illogic using logic?) as well as everything logic can’t do.

“But your illogic fails: Keira Knightley is *not* a 34B. She is definitely an A or AA. And I’m currently an 80E."

“I want you to marry me, baby.”
“That's the wrong hand and you have to ask me first.”

Fortuitously paraded, bacchanalianly green.

Unceremoniously empty, consistently preserved.

Prophetically calamitous, betrayingly undeparted.

Constantly irrational, infinitely long.

Having never before been, although from lack of necessity rather than any political point, I, relenting to someone craving a particular flavor of B&J despite every grocery store in the area either not open at 2am or inexplicably unavailable, entered Wal-mart. Even to a sellout, the aura of depression there was undeniable. If I didn’t badly need a toothbrush, I might have resisted the miserable apathy to leave myself the loophole of still at least being able to claim that I’d never bought anything there. Although, for the sheer stupidity of looking for Ben & Jerry’s in a Wal-mart, such shame is fully deserved.

The funny thing is that a third of these adaptations actually seem like they could be worth seeing.

[Precisely which 10/30 is left as an exercise for the reader.]

Figuring out precisely how much sleep is being gotten over break is hard enough without random acts of daylight savings.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Rodent.

I should probably know what gender they are, so that when I buy a replacement after accidentally killing one you don’t figure it out in 3 weeks.

Best live and with people.

Some days all one can do is laugh.
Some days all one should do is laugh.

M[] told me to tell you that you don’t need to worry about it.
“So you were able to reach someone?”
Oh, not at all. You just don’t need to worry about it.

Molecular Theorem
If there is an easy way and a hard way to do something, the easy way won’t work.

Molecular Corollary
The hard way’s not so bad.

Lions are cats.

“Can't you feel the poison rising out of the morning…”

I hate how on a beautiful day not only do I have work, but I don't even have the option anymore of doing it outside.
I also hate how the premidterm productivity I had been engaged in this weekend has been nullified.
I finally hate how the headache for the minor cold which I hadn’t been able to shake is now much worse.

“…Stay inside tonight…”

"It's European History, but with a thesaurus."

Travel the world and the 7th Sea.

“You can spend 5 points for Faith in God. But no one knows what it does.”

C > 1: What if there were an anthropomorphic cat?
C = 1: Now what if it were just a normal cat?
C < 1: Now what if the cat didn't exist?

“I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known…”
Lonely/Alone
“…My shallow heart’s the only thing…”
Trying not to be self-important.
“…Read between the lines…”
Symmetrically transcendental.
“…Where the city sleeps…”
Rest, lest be sick again.
“…Check my vital signs…”
Alone/Lonely
“…'Til then I walk alone…”

The ironic thing about “American Gladiators” is how scripted a show airing because of the Writers Strike is.

Somehow it has taken me almost 95% of my college life to order a pizza delivered to the library to be eaten with friends while doing a problem set. And doing it feels so right.