You have to spend money on properties to make money in Monopoly. That's the only lesson in life Mom ever taught me. <pause> Except don't skimp on eye makeup remover.

Even if I made a movie about time-traveling cannibals, it would not achieve its purpose. Rather, the movie would have to be not made by me.

[They can't all be noncryptic.]

Saw Donnie Darko- twice. Incredible foreshadowing ties the film up so confusingly neatly, more so than “Twelve Monkeys”. Still not sure I completely understand it, but all the more enjoyable. And, school spirit requires my cheering a murderous bunny of death.

Dead-Man-in-the-Middle-of-the-Road Productions!

Dumbledore might not be a house-elf. Read HP6, so spoil me rotten.

Southwest offers $200 credits to be bumped from a 1-stop overcrowded delayed flight to a nonstop one that would get in 1:45 later. Didn’t work this time, but there’s definitely a strategy here.

Dentist/eye doctor done, so now the more celebratory parts of the trip. No idea what form it will be taking, really. Call etc. if in town.

[And the usual birthday wishes from don't-like-the-cable-people. Might be a little hard to contact me, but should be somehow possible.]

Maryland for, among other things, my birthday. Call/IM if in town.

My First Endcap

Halved in this week’s SI: shared a partial attribution for a similar entry. {Howard Dean: “We are ahead. We are near ahead. We drew. How are we down? We won! We are now hardened! Do we need a new war, or Enron honored, or Roe-Wade deadened? No, no, and no! We head on! NH! And OH. And DE. And OR and WA. And NE, and ND! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”}

Though the funniest piece of journalism would have to be the headline “U.S. Army to Leave 13 Bases in Germany”.

I so just did one of those things that you clearly aren't thinking at the time, and only when you realize the severity of your errors do you realize the severity of your errors.

“My parents never let me see “Jesus Christ Superstar”.”
He dies at the end.

“What if they made hair color keyed to one’s emotions?”
“What color would confused be?”
Blonde.

Hey- how does Auld Lang Syne go?
Um? Do you mean the lyrics or the melody?
The melody.
Um? ba baaa ba ba/ba baaa ba ba...
Okay, thanks. <click>

Lime Shrimp Ramen not only would be better without the Shrimp, but without the Ramen. The artificial flavoring is that good.

Thematically, Minute Maid Limeade was on sale at Schnucks: $3/gallon.

What’s the difference between a duck?
( ) The left leg is identical.
( ) It has one leg alike.
( ) One leg is similar.
( ) One leg's twice the same.
( ) One of its legs are both the same.
( ) Cantaloupe

(Eider one will do.)

Things I hate about Cingular:
1) My online account, unable to be accessed.
2) The itemized bill for last month that does not seem to exist in any form.
3) The $106.93 they are charging me despite (1) and (2).

One has no excuse for not knowing what an Internet chat acronym which appears in the OED stands for, imho.

“Naked Pictures of Famous People” had some very clever premises, but suffers from seeming to be poorly edited. The worst essays are at the beginning of the book. The humor of each essay seems diluted, resulting in most of the wit being sapped, with an inconsistent tone ruining most of the satiric effect. It’s no “America”, and I miss Daily Show.

CUSTOMERS
INNOVATION
INTEGRITY
TEAMWORK
ACCOUNTABILITY
EACH AND EVERY ASSOCIATE WEARING PANTS

Destination vs. journey: sometimes there may be no plane to sleep on.

Jesus died for all of our sins- but that’s a lot of Jesus to be divided up. Meaning that each individual will be left with a small fraction of Jesus. And with new people being born constantly, that fraction will be decreasing. Slaughtering people would free up some Jesus to be reapportioned among the survivors; but murder, being a sin, will increase the amount of sin to be Jesusified. And then the sins that the slaughtered people won’t be doing on account of being dead must be subtracted. The math gets messy.

So I think this Holy Spirit thing has to be a fudge factor, some hypothesized dark matter to make things zero out. And that’s a sloppy way for sins to be accounted for.

Unlawful to Copy.

The problem with Outburst is that most of the answers are wrong.
For example, for "Ten things found in a pond":
Pond scum should an answer.
*Water* should be an answer.
Amoeba should not.

Does every city have a bad part of town?
“Pretty much. Well, except the Vatican.”
Ah yes, the slums of Vatican City.

Of the languages you might take, what are they?

I’d go right from French to German.
That’s what Paris did in WW2.

It asked for a communicable disease of the 80s...
You put cancer, right?
<wince> I put cancer.

What’s my password?
Um? Something47?
<shocked> How’d you know that?
Um?
Oh. Right.
Wait- please tell me that isn’t it.
No! I mean, it’s not S-O-M...

And from the front page of the Washington Post:
Don’t like the cable people.