My Away Messages, totaling 165 pages (plus another 16 pages of yet unused esoteria) have managed to break Word’s spellchecker. Apparently there is a limit to the number of red squiggly lines that can be generated, and there are enough proper words and other text not listed in the dictionary to trigger the cutoff. Meaning that henceforth there might be a few more typographical errors within my Away Messages. As always, feel free to IM an edit, but now I have an excuse.
"The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn’t suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners."
7/5/05
7/4/05
War of the Worlds, described as “simultaneously Spielburg’s best and worst movie”, I found suffered from thematic deficiency, containing only the too simple “survive”. Other ideas were never fully developed and were chaotically contradictory to one another; I was particularly disappointed that the “heroic” rejection of xenia/regression to barbarism was lost. The ending felt especially anticlimactic
I would have liked to have seen it remade as a TV miniseries, perhaps narrated through news broadcasts, to update the this-could-really-happen theme which made the radio version so powerful.
I would have liked to have seen it remade as a TV miniseries, perhaps narrated through news broadcasts, to update the this-could-really-happen theme which made the radio version so powerful.
7/3/05
Tripled in this week’s SI: 2 HMs and a win! From a letter/word ratio standpoint, I was disappointed that my earnosethroater: Hellenophobe's otorhinolaryngologist was edited. Considering that Dane-rot was improved in editing, I really shouldn’t complain.
I did have a bad pun on vernalism to answer a recent contest’s “Le Sacre du Printemps, but not the Sack of Rome.”. There was a much better but horrendously obscure pun on vaernal I didn’t even try to submit.
Other rejecteds:
beanrate: .2 cows.
bourneagain: Someone who is filled with wonder by another insipid sequel to another Hollywood action flick.
arenal: Of, like, or characteristic of holding it after a game because the lines at a stadium restrooms are way too long.
I did have a bad pun on vernalism to answer a recent contest’s “Le Sacre du Printemps, but not the Sack of Rome.”. There was a much better but horrendously obscure pun on vaernal I didn’t even try to submit.
Other rejecteds:
beanrate: .2 cows.
bourneagain: Someone who is filled with wonder by another insipid sequel to another Hollywood action flick.
arenal: Of, like, or characteristic of holding it after a game because the lines at a stadium restrooms are way too long.
7/2/05
How are you spending your Fourth of July weekend?
(a) Vacationing with friends in the mountains.
(b) Going to a baseball game on a glorious summer day.
(c) Driving to Kansas City for the fun of it.
(d) Cleaning sludge off the kitchen floor.
If you answered (a-c), congratulations: You're not Danny.
[Call/IM; I'm going to be desperate to be doing *anything* once maintenance shows up.]
(a) Vacationing with friends in the mountains.
(b) Going to a baseball game on a glorious summer day.
(c) Driving to Kansas City for the fun of it.
(d) Cleaning sludge off the kitchen floor.
If you answered (a-c), congratulations: You're not Danny.
[Call/IM; I'm going to be desperate to be doing *anything* once maintenance shows up.]
7/1/05
6/30/05
6/28/05
Won the Texas Holdem themed game (Mini 188) of online mafia as A8- Dead Man's Hand. I really wanted to claim to be a "superdeputy", with the ability to gain the abilities of a killed hand, but when 5+ aces showed up in other claimed hands (accurately, as it ironically turned out!) I instead claimed to be 99- Barbara Feldon. Though by that point the game was all but over, after which my actual role of Mafia Godfather was revealed.
While the game was fun, albeit with some balance issues, it didn't *feel* like a mafia game. Day 1 was a competition to figure out the rules; Day 2, to figure out the setup; Day 3, a race. The informed minority vs. uninformed majority theme never really felt prominent.
While the game was fun, albeit with some balance issues, it didn't *feel* like a mafia game. Day 1 was a competition to figure out the rules; Day 2, to figure out the setup; Day 3, a race. The informed minority vs. uninformed majority theme never really felt prominent.
6/27/05
Hit every roller coaster at 6 Flags, but the best ride was easily Xcalibur. I need to ride it on a cloudier day or at twilight, so that the sun does not force me to close my eyes to the unrestrainedly shifting horizon.
The rest, best to worst:
Batman- Excellent all-around.
Ninja- Very nice spirals.
Mr. Freeze- Short but thematically intense.
Screamin’ Eagle- Nothing too memorable, but some good drops.
The Boss- Too woodenly rickety.
River King Mine Train- Too tame, especially having the misfortune of being ridden following Batman.
The rest, best to worst:
Batman- Excellent all-around.
Ninja- Very nice spirals.
Mr. Freeze- Short but thematically intense.
Screamin’ Eagle- Nothing too memorable, but some good drops.
The Boss- Too woodenly rickety.
River King Mine Train- Too tame, especially having the misfortune of being ridden following Batman.
6/26/05
No SI mentions this week; my best was probably a meta-entry. (102nd use for an AOL disk: Installing AOL.) Two fellow Losers also had overlooked entires I thought funny:
“102nd thing to do when bored: Challenge yourself to a game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors".”
Actually, I know someone who’s done this. (In fairness, they are ambidextrous.)
“102nd thing to do to get through another lonely Saturday night: Sit at your computer and keep hittingthe refresh button until the new SI results pop up on-line.”
Actually, I’ve done this.
And for that matter, I’ve installed AOL from an AOL disk.
“102nd thing to do when bored: Challenge yourself to a game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors".”
Actually, I know someone who’s done this. (In fairness, they are ambidextrous.)
“102nd thing to do to get through another lonely Saturday night: Sit at your computer and keep hittingthe refresh button until the new SI results pop up on-line.”
Actually, I’ve done this.
And for that matter, I’ve installed AOL from an AOL disk.
6/23/05
I neither excessively liked nor excessively hated Napoleon Dynamite, which I finally got around to seeing. It had practically no plot or theme, and the humor felt amateurish. Yet it had amazing intereactions between extremely strongly described characters. Despite the implausible quirks, the film had a near perfect suspense of disbelief from the characters’ consistency. And Pedro totally stole the show.
Perhaps more surprising, the liger actually exists.
Perhaps more surprising, the liger actually exists.
6/22/05
“So I had a thought while watching Kill Bill 2 last night. […] Now, this is deep: Why do you never see Clark Kent and Superman at the same time?”
Um, have you seen any of the movies? ‘Cause I don’t want to give anything away… but, see, they’re the same person.
Almost as silly as Superman's identity being debated in Linguistics was contrasting distribution randomly arising in conversation that night at 2:15 AM.
“If you understand this, you will understand phonology: Superman and Clark Kent are allophones in complementary distribution. If you’re a duck, or a goat, it’s a very difficult concept.”
Um, have you seen any of the movies? ‘Cause I don’t want to give anything away… but, see, they’re the same person.
Almost as silly as Superman's identity being debated in Linguistics was contrasting distribution randomly arising in conversation that night at 2:15 AM.
“If you understand this, you will understand phonology: Superman and Clark Kent are allophones in complementary distribution. If you’re a duck, or a goat, it’s a very difficult concept.”
6/21/05
6/20/05
No SI mentions this week; understandably so given how unprintable *I* was deeming my funniest entry. Which as I submitted I realized was a sign of how tasteless college has made me; a year ago I would have probably not sent it, whereas now I don't even add a bracketed apology. At least losernet appreciated it.
A: "Le Sacre du Printemps" but not "The Sack of Rome"
Q: What is an appropriate euphemism for the Pope's genitalia?
A: "Le Sacre du Printemps" but not "The Sack of Rome"
Q: What is an appropriate euphemism for the Pope's genitalia?
6/18/05
It would be wonderful if all zealotry could be addressed with the elegant simplicity of eBay.
“Q: THIS SELLER AND ALL BIDDERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR PARTAKING IN THIS UNHOLY AUCTION! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BLASPHEMY! ALL PRAISE ALLAH!!
A: Dude - you recently purchased a Sea Monkey doll using BuyItNow. The only thing that you should be praising are your parents for letting you live in their basement.”
[There’s certainly enough bizarre eBay listings.]
“Q: THIS SELLER AND ALL BIDDERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR PARTAKING IN THIS UNHOLY AUCTION! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BLASPHEMY! ALL PRAISE ALLAH!!
A: Dude - you recently purchased a Sea Monkey doll using BuyItNow. The only thing that you should be praising are your parents for letting you live in their basement.”
[There’s certainly enough bizarre eBay listings.]
6/17/05
Over this past forgotten weekend I singled in the SI with what I considered my funniest submission, for a change. (Wag the Dogma: A group of apostles spin some messianic nonsense to distract the public from the Pilate-Magdalene affair.) A funny week all-around:
“It's a Wonderful Life Is Beautiful: A man sees how depressing a Nazi concentration camp would have been without him.
The Lion in Winterminator 2: Eleanor of Aquitaine can't be bargained with. She can't be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop. Until you are dead.”
“It's a Wonderful Life Is Beautiful: A man sees how depressing a Nazi concentration camp would have been without him.
The Lion in Winterminator 2: Eleanor of Aquitaine can't be bargained with. She can't be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop. Until you are dead.”
6/16/05
A toroidal inductor apparently is a thick washer-sized object with copper wire coiled about that can be found on graphics cards. It apparently should not be detached rattling around the fan. Between that discovery, a misplaced cell phone, and the usually miraculous convergence of technology, I found myself utterly primitivized. No telephone, no computer, no television, no CD player, no radio.
It was incredibly boring.
It was incredibly boring.
6/11/05
6/10/05
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