Before they even know how to take turns and stop squirming, they know how to open apps, snap pictures, load slideshows. The iPhone may be instinctive to use, and yet that is not the inclination of humanity.

They're not used to dealing with adults. I want to just sit them down.

Travel, adventure, enchiladas, opportunities, free food, kind words.
There are enough awesome things that I’m not even upset about the $50.

All I ask is for undeniable proof.

“Something in the way…”

“I don’t want to do something” and “I can’t do something” are 2 different things.
Unless “something” is “what I can’t do”.

“…Stick around, and it may show / But I don't know, I don't know…”

Thinking about something.

“…You know I believe, and how…”

“Pillowman” descends vertigo-inducingly from a set, as unbalancing as its characters, both too humored and too real for a dark comedy. Combined with an inevitability reminiscient of “Postman Never Rings Twice” and “Dead Like Me”, intermission wonders how the play could ever be viewed completely through, much less multiple times, until after it’s over the wonder of the horror is not only accepted, but understood.

“I’m busy. Whatever. Heck yes, just let me know when!”

Formidable proponent.

The gift which keeps on being ungiven.

“Let me take a picture of you 2.”
Because I didn’t date you.
“What? We never dated.”
Right. I never took you out for dinner 3 times. I didn’t bring you red roses when you were stressed. I didn’t cook you any special dinner last week to show how much I love you.
“I don’t get your jokes.”
No, you never did.
<finally smiling> "I’ll see you around.”
No, you won’t.

What unexpectedly encountering the past, what does one say? Perhaps direct metaacknowledgement: "Hello, Past, I'm afraid I don't quite know what to say to you." Perhaps introduce to the future: "Past, this is Future. Future, this is Past. I'm sure you have lots of things in common that you'd love to talk about." And then they can go off together into another room, leaving one alone.

“How did it go?” does not ask “How will it go?”. It is either good or bad. It is not fair to it to assign optimism or pessimism to it. For the past is the past, the future is the future, and the burden of one should not fall upon the other.

Fun Theory
Something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people’s behaviour for the better.

“What would you think if…”

Unconditional.

“…I’m going to try with a little help from my friends…”

“Mystery of Edwin Drood” is satisfying because one can walk into it knowing exactly how it will end, even if Dickens didn’t. Our mutual friend S[] was obviously the killer.

“It’s never the person who you most suspect or the person you least suspect. It’s the person I most medium suspect.”

“And the anchorperson on TV goes…”

Wish war telegrams could positively report on progress but fear they all end STOP

“…La di da, di da, di da di da di da…”

You never read the e-mails I never sent.

“First you put 4 Roman numerals in a row, the next thing you know, there’s no dress code.”

Making it count.

*No* need for madlibs.

I'm still on poor nutella-covered Calypso in my mind. She's very confused in a disgrunted kind of way. Unnutella-covered Calypso on my futon is simply yawning fatly and unbaldly.

Blintz with nutella is, on a scale from pepperoni to pretzels, a 7.

I feel kind of cactus right now. :\ And I don't want to be cactus.
Is this like when Maebe got alligators in spelling? What is cactus?
Like, spiky and offputting, with a little bit of Dad.

Hey, what are you doing tnoight around 6 your time?
Opening my front door to find you perched at the doorstop? No wait…
Good answer, haha, but wrong.
…Getting Casa Dilla with you.

The shock of discovery from forgetting that someone is still around is as strong as the shock of discovery from realizing that actually they no longer are.

Sleep deprivation is a great narcotic. It puts you to sleep.

Trade Meet

(  )  Price Correct!
(  )  Needs Second Pass
(  )  Not Found

I am a person with an iPhone with an iPhone.

“Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated…”

The RAZR is of elegance. Between the basic blocky, pre-flip Nokias and the app-filled hybrid iPhones lived a slender, compact, complete device, culminating the gap between advanced and obsolete.

Elegance is such a simple request.
Even simple can fail.

“…You fall and you crawl and you break…”

Frosted Cheerios come from rude Londoners.

“We introduce a basic model for zombie infection, determine equilibria and their stability, and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions.”

There’s a reason why zombies need brains.

Don't painstakingly neatly write out the entire cast and script of a movie on the DVD beautifully until you've successfully burned it.
That resonates with the modern audience better than don't count your chickens before they hatch. My chickens don't hatch. They are grilled or breaded.
Yesterday I was hardboiling some eggs. And you know that noise of air squeaking by things?
I might know that noise, but we are not on a first name basis.
So like, they were boiling, but there maybe was like an infinitesimal crack in one, which did no damage, but the sound of the weensy amount of air escaping, it sounded chickenly. Which was sad sounding, but I'm pretty sure it was just air. Insofar as if a chick were inside, he wouldn't have just sat there silently during the fridge stage.
Oh, poor little confused refrigerator chick.

“I’ve had my fun, and now it’s time to…”

No rhyme.

“…We’d circle and we'd circle and we'd circle to stop and consider…”

No reason.

“…I've got my spine, I've got my orange…”

Too much light makes the baby go blind as a bat.

I’m using a person day.
[personal]
“No, please leave it at person day.”
[person]

I need to have personal days and brunch more often.

Today I didn't send you a link. It's pretty straightforward coolness. I figure you prefer clever sly coolness.
I had brunch today. That was straightforwardly cool. Actually, it was cleverly slyly cool also. It was 2 kinds of cool.
Sweet deal.

Gods eat ambrosia; the rest of us have brunch.
[Drop by my apartment 11:30am-1:30pm.]

"R[]'s arguments never have a hole in the middle of them" bagels.

"The philosophical question 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg' is so beneath R[]'s genius that any allusion to the question is an insult" omelets.

"To promote world peace, R[] respects all religions equally, including their dietary restrictions" bacon.

"R[] is not flaky” croissants.

"2% implies imperfection, and R[] is perfect in every way" milk.

"Out of solidarity with oppressed peoples everywhere, R[] will not tolerate the symbolic injustice of fruit squeezed against its will" orange juice.

The long and short of it.

Lobsters have teeth in their stomach.

“To a lobster, taste and digestion are the same process; savoring is the same as sustaining.”

When life hands you lemons, take 2 and stuff your pockets with Rice Krispy Treats and pretzel Goldfish.

“What happened to your arm?”
“I broke my collarbone.”
Have we learned nothing?
“I’m sorry, I was in a Mexican pinata fight.”

All that, and a bag of chips I left 3 weeks ago next to 2 bible mix CDs and the 23rd volume of the 1985 Encyclopedia Britannica.

“You know B[]? He stepped on my face.”
You get it.

“Where were you and E[] on the 24 of November, 1946?”
I don't know E[]'s whereabouts *now*, much less 60+ years ago.
“So you don't have an alibi.”
Well, technically, I just can't provide him with one. I've reserving 5th amendment in my own case.
“Rumor has it that both you and E[] have been involved in a rash of murders, mostly at night, as well as participating in quite a bit of lynching.”
Oh, that's a fun rumor. Who told you that?
“I didn't think this silliness out any further than this.”
Well, technically, neither had I, now had I.

Up to scratch.

I still reel, still feel sick:
Still seeking trick
I raise my head: Instead of *click*
There’s still a wall of brick.

“And every single day is just a fling…”

Adventure is harder than it looks.

“…Just in time / Thank anybody…”

I need either an insomnia buddy or sleep.

“…Then the morning comes…”

Ragtime is an American Les Miserables.

“I can feel: too much is never enough…”

The problem with taught essay writing: either the quotes are fake and contrived, or the ideas aren’t one’s own.

“…I don’t deserve you unless it’s some kind of hidden message…”

Whither the 4th grade butterfly presentation?

“…The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance…”

Whence the butterfly?

“…You’re my butterfly…”

So I was reading the ingredients of British Sudafed and that's too hilarious a clause for me to finish this sentence. Sorry. Give me a second.

Amaizement.

There’s a fine line between hobby and profession.

OCTOBER is National Recycling Month*

CAN RECYCLE
White and colored paper
Staples, paper clips, sticky sides, plastic windows
Newsprint and magazines
Cardboard

CAN’T RECYCLE
Hardbound books
Tissue paper
Napkins
Lobsters

*Actually, it’s April. But you wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t told you just now.

I remember this place.

I had a Florence/Chrono Trigger crossover dream. I got lost because Florence was a bunch of escalators, and some of them were time traveling.

“I’m punching my card / Eight hours, for what / Oh tell, me what I got…”

Not here, but hear.

“…You can fly if you'd only cut / Loose, footloose / Kick off your Sunday shoes…”

Not wear, but where.

“…Burning, yearning for / Somebody to tell you / That life ain't passing you by…”

Not moral, but morale.

“…C'mon before we crack / Lose your blues / Everybody cut footloose…”

Egg drop soup is very us.
And George Clooney.

Dropping by.

Some times, some things, work.

“Up in the morning at six o'clock…”
Will be a long day
“…Day after day / Slaving away…”
Work too hard.
“…Count the hours, minutes too…”
Hard times.
“…Same complications…”
Time to go.
“…Nowhere to run to…”
Go to work.
“…I miss the feeling / Having fun…”
Has been a long time.
“…Friday night…”

Gutentag is trying so hard to be a palindrome, but just can’t quite make it.

“Hypocrisy is the other name for diplomacy.”

Getting along.

Can Calypso come over also?”
It could be apocalyptic.”
hm Eh, let’s go for it.
“I believe that’s what Truman said when he decided to drop the bomb.”

Fat Cat and Little Kitten.

Put us down for 2. Which is also what Truman said when he decided to drop the bomb.

“I’m so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears…”

Too young to feel too old.
Too old to feel too young.

“…Presence still lingers here, and it won’t leave…”

Never the wrong age for free pizza.

“…There’s just too much that time cannot erase…”

I don’t want to buy resume paper, he said, passing by a window. I want to buy a giant stuffed tiger.
Greatest text ever.

Suit up.

(Wait for it.)

More than sleeping/less than sleeping with.

(Preposition proposition.)

“Hate me today…”

Hate is just strongly disagreeing with a creative decision.

“…For all the things I didn’t do…”

I would have liked the 6th season of House to have focused on mental diagnosis rather than physical diagnosis, but I would also have liked the 5th season of House to have been called Hotel.

Cameron : Chase : Foreman :: ethical : practical : skeptical

A math minor demonstrates intelligence, by proving that you’re smart enough not to get a math major.

As soon as the play ended, 4 freshmen guys turned to a freshman girl sitting by them and proceded to use her plaid jacket as a visual aid for their discussion of en passant and otherwise ignore her.

Two characters in search of a mate.

“One thing I wasn’t quite sure about: what was the significance of the man who entered and asked, ‘Is this the Hotch?’?”

Take take make make.

Here goes nothing.

Scientific research data should more often receive extreme outliers of giant squid. And not just scientific research data.

"I was putting the groceries away, and I realized I picked up a bag with a giant squid in it by mistake."
"The car in front of me stopped short, and I got rear-ended by a giant squid."
"I had saved some leftover pepperoni pizza for lunch, but a giant squid ate it."

You : Sims :: Me : Milk tea

“OOGA chacka OOGA OOGA…”

I felt sort of embarrassed because normal people are seeing their baby, and all excited. But I was seriously teeming with enthusiasm over my kidney.
Aw, you should give birth to a baby spleen!
I tried to restrain myself. It was pretty sweet. They move a lot, like jello beans.
lol In my mind it's like the Ally McBeal dancing baby, only a dancing spleen.

“…Keep it up, girl…”

Went to Disneyworld and lawschool, unzeugmatically.

Which makes me fuzzy. The teddy-bear kind, not the too-much-benadryl kind.

Some days it’s good to remember not to burn bridges. That may be the only good part of today.

Prop up.

You sound sad. Turn on Fox right now: there’s a show with Victor Garber and Jessalyn Gilsig.
Right answer.
I know, right.
It doesn’t just have Victor Garber. It has and Victor Garber.

Our power is to hate
Ourselves and fate,
Unfolding untold, so we wait
Dazed in our aimless state.

Sars : wiki :: BP : DVD

Out of the frying pan into the fire.

Steep fall.

Saw 9. I wanted to play in that world, where heavy and numerological symbolism is what it means to be human.

        
          

Like movies seen a long time ago, the concept is remembered but not the details.

“What you were saying about postmodernism, deconstruction, and the overabundance of entertainment option, it got me to thinking: that opening to Ghostbusters, when all the cards fly out of the catalog. How’d you do that?”

Dream pets die if one’s real self doesn’t feed them.

I don't have a set, but pre-orientations start soon. We find 30 incoming freshmen, tell them they're doing an icebreaker, and take them to a parking lot with 2 adjacent rows of 12 empty spots. (Title: "Welcome to College". Alt-text: "Ultimate frisbee was created when two Columbia upperclassman wanted to play tiddly-winks.")

Blot it out.

“I’m not feeling alright today…”
Wish could basement, though no right to rant.
“…Take you out to lunch / Now / I just want to play…”
Know the answer to this problem.
“…I don’t want to go to sunset strip / I don’t want to feel the emptiness…”
Even so, it should not be this hard.
“…Sheep go to heaven / Goats go to hell…”

Thai pizza : Loop :: Crepes : CWE

“We are young / Heartache to heartache we stand…”

One should know why one fights, even if not what for.

“We were chosen for our youth, our stamina, and our inability to say no.”

All I did was that one word, so all I am is that one word.

What is a Chevy, a levee? It could be anything. A was brought to B, but B was C. But, more than that, Chevy rhymes with levee. Chevy and levee belong together. It is disappointing to find that, instead of them being together, levee runs off with dry. It is not known why dry is bad, but it is, and it doesn't matter. There’d be just as much disappointment if it were told that the levee were wet. The Chevy is important, until the levee is heard of, and then the Chevy is forgotten.

Words are just words, even if they sound good.

I guess it doesn't make complete nonsense. Effort does get rewarded; it's not only about results. If the results were out of my control, then why should that be held against me? But, it feels wrong. Because it feels right, and that's not the way the world should work.

Thoughts on integrity.

Let today’s lesson be: don’t be parmesan cheese.

The best things in life are free, but there are some things I’d pay for.

I’ll give you Sudetenland, but I draw the line at Poland. And by at I mean through.

Bait and switch.

“Working like a dog for the boss man / Working for the company…”

SimTower, while not receiving the recognition of its prominent kindred, nevertheless stokes the memories of childhood. For the many ways which it is deficient to SimCity and The Sims do not diminish the simplistic wonder of wandered stairwells, ascended elevators, and kaleidiscopal urban escapism.

“…Really need a girl like an open book / To read between the lines…”

I just had a yellow sim, but I am neither awesome nor modest enough to comment.

“…Love in an elevator…”

Don’t let education get in the way of learning.

Unlock learning.

“We learn one thing from history: it makes us sad.”

Too old for some things.

“Please bring your final registers to your purchases at this time.”

I can sniff out free pizza in 4 dimensions.

Unlocking lines.

“…and nothing since H[] ended…”
H[]?
<smugly> “Oh, did you not know about H[]?”
No, I knew about you and H[],but I was feigning that I didn’t know what you hadn’t yet told me for the sake of seeing what stories you’d finally decide to tell me.
<laughter replaced by shock replaced by admiration> “For that, I’m paying for dinner.”

It’s like how in movies or TV shows, everything happens at the same time.

There’s a skill to making pancakes. I lack it. It’s almost comical.
One of my deepest secrets- this is up there with that and that and that- is that I don’t know how to make pancakes. Not so much don’t know how, but never have.

Except without the incredulity of coincidence.

“One day I will make perfect pancakes. And they will be good.”
Not only is that a great sentiment, but suddenly the past 2 hours make sense. Well, to me at least. You might be still confused, but if you have 2 out of 3 of {K[], good pancakes, inevitable hangovers} I think you'll be alright.

Let me text this burning secret so we can trade numbers.
“I might have already I given you mine?”
<checks> Yep. Well, here’s mine. <dials the already given number>
“<puzzled by phone not ringing>”
“Hello?”
Well, this is interesting. See, I met this funny cute girl, and apparently she gave me a phony number. What a bitch.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
<hangs up> Looks like you transposed 2 digits.

Phonicus Rex meets Answerusaurus.

It’s a sun-loving fungus that can throw itself over a cow.

“Turn me on…”
I don’t know what I want, and I know what I don’t want.
I document the changes, and change the documentation.
I demonstrate the moves, and move the demonstration.
“…And turn me up…”
I go everywhere.
I do everything.
I live forever.
“…And turn me loose…”
I live in the rush.
I am a whirlwind.
I have a empty house at the corner of today and the past.
“…I am alive…”
I never grow old.
I never grow young.
I want to move.

“Smoothed over like milk…”

Foiled again.

“…Seeing only what was bad / When you tried to feed me…”

hey!!
Hey! (1 !)
1?!
Okay, I'll give you another ! Hey!!
Ohhhh. I couldn't tell what the ! referred to.
The ! referred to a !. It was not a pronounial !.

!

!!!! (in case of emergency)
heh I'll keep them in my pocket.

Serpents twist in biblical gardens, snakes around mystics’ staffs. The human eye sees the spindling strands and cannot comprehend the nature of the aberration before it, limbless wonder terrifyingly fascinating. The seeking of dimensional variance gets jarringly halted by a unidimensional monster. There is no body, no identification, no point of reference once the middle is grabbed, perhaps an inch from the end or perhaps to continue tortuously into labyrinthine coils, a predatory trail that might culminate in a tail, or a venomously fanged head, or simply extend into infinity.

I hate measuring spaghetti portions.

It starts with a b and ends with a q and has an archarts in the in the middle.

Visiting W[] is a lot like going to GenCon, in that it will be fun and I can’t do it this weekend.

Mums the word.

I’m feeling *confrontational*.

Clock in, lock out.

She realized she was trying to put circles into squares, and I was neither.

Saw $9.99, an Israeli/Australian claymation, none of which involve the movie’s essence. In a way that needs no discussion of why, the movie is good. Ending precisely at the scene when I hoped it would certainly counts as an identifiable facet.

Free kittens almost sounds like a good idea.

Tax e-service.

It’s a cross between Labor Day and Christmas.

Cereal Mexican Schnucks visual zeugma.

[I think I may like, almost as much as what this identifies, how 5 seemingly unrelated bizarrely random words indeed does identify something.]

Birthday wall posters are an interestingly accurate subsection.